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Free time [Mr. Lovenstein]
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 18 May 2024
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With time and ADHD: "I could do so much if I just had the motivation."
Life: big bag of Motivation
Me, 2 hours later: "I burned through all that motivation and only got 1/16th of 3 million different things done."
Can relate. Last year I learned HTML+CSS+PHP and then built and ran a radio station called Radio Lemmy. It was the whole package. Even built programming blocks and brought on DJs. I did this all in under three weeks.
And then two months later I got lost all motivation and shut the entire project down. Didn't even make a post in the community for the station. One day the station/website existed, the next day it didn't. I feel guilty for fucking off, but I'm too embarrassed to go even check to see if anyone made a post asking what happened. Even created a new account in a different instance to hide. I'm pathetic.
Fucking ADHD. I'll never have any accomplishments in life because I lose all motivation to carry on the moment I have to actually put in work to make the dream a reality. I've always wanted to run a radio station ever since I was a kid, but it stopped being fun and started feeling like a job way sooner than I wanted it to. I'd love to reboot the concept but I know I'm just going to get tired of it and ghost the listeners a second time around... *sigh*
At some point you will just stop trying, knowing you will run out of motivation mid way anyway. It's liberating in a way, knowing the only thing you can expect from yourself is consuming media.
Nevarrr! I will die bashing myself against these rocks
But seriously, I just have to satisfy myself with only being able put out maybe one mid project every couple of years
Damn that stings, but honestly your "failure" is more than I've accomplished even in my successes. Like I just wanted to make a roguelike game, but managed to make a bad roguelike engine that no one uses, not even myself. And I'm still calling that a win.
I know you weren't trying to solicit advice, but have you thought of getting other people involved in running the radio station? Then you can participate when you have the energy, and take a step back when you don't?
Also I have plenty of podcasts, essayists, and newsletter writers that I like, who have a very inconsistent cadence, and it's fine. It's a happy surprise when I see they're back online.
I tried to bring others on but hardly anyone was interested. It was a struggle enough as-is just to find reliable DJs. Nobody wants to work for free, and frankly I don't blame them. And unfortunately I didn't have the funding nor the listener count to bring in enough revenue to actually pay people. Lemmy just doesn't have a big enough pool of users to keep a project like this rolling. I thought about recruiting people from reddit but then that would defeat the whole point of having a radio station just for Lemmy users.
Maybe it could be themed on the reddit to fediverse pipeline/continuum hehe. But I can see that's an exceptionally difficult project to get off the ground, since it relies on a certain critical mass to get going on its own.
Still pretty cool that you managed to test the waters. Maybe someone will stumble upon this thread in a few years and pick up the baton based on your findings.
You could have somebody waiting in the wings to pick it up when you lose interest. You would then not have to run and hide when your motivation flagged. A lot of people can't start a project easily, but can maintain and extend. Just a thought.
Congratulations!
You got 187500 different things done in 2 hours.