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this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2024
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Legit question for rural Americans - how do I kill the 50-100 feral raccoons that run into my yard within 3-5 mins while my small kids play
Armed kids?
The only way to stop 50-100 raccoons that run into your yard is with a good guy with a gun.
The only way to stop 50-100 bad raccoons that run into your yard is 50-100 good raccoons with guns
😒✋
😏👉
This is why we need machine guns. Imagine trying to get all 100 with a semi auto rifle. I think you'd get maybe 10 before you get mobbed by raccoons.
Simple, poison the food.
wtf?! I would never poison a child!
Then how do you plan to have room for 100 raccoons?
Trenches and barbed wire.
Yeah. Go full Leiningen on them!
Edit: Wow, I never read that Wikipedia page before. That story has 100% more inspiration from Hitler than I was ever taught about in school. They didn't even tell us the author was German.
A lawn chair, case of beer and a varmint rifle will make a good start.
Raccoons are smart and will learn from the mistakes of their brethren. Perhaps you could encase a neighbor child in Kevlar and have them run around a route of raccoon bait and, uh, humane land mines?
Edit shit I think you were referencing the feral hogs meme. I vaguely remember that from a Jamie Loftus joint