I certainly can't help you. I think one thing that is good about therapists is that, even if talking to them doesn't help inherently, they can often use their great amount of knowledge about you to recommend something that might help you more, like psychiatry or support groups.

But people have the ability to change for the better, they always do until they die, and that includes you. As a stranger on the internet, I have no idea how to help you, but I am certain that you can be helped because you're a human who can communicate and take in new information.