this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2026
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Subscription based, loaves becoming slightly smaller every year, fees bumped up every 2 years, toaster hardware obsolete in 5 years.
Edit: every other bakery bought or gone burst, CEO paying lobbyists to make ovens illegal 'to protect the children'.
You'll be required to scan the barcode of the packaging of the bread to continue
to validate if your bread is up to quality standards
Each slice will come with a disposable cryptowrapper that will be used by the toaster to validates the authenticity of the bread within.
Given the high risk of deaths from house fires caused by toasting unregulated slices of black market bread--maybe inserted by unsuperivsed children--this is the most socially responsible path forward.
🍞🎁This holiday season give a eToast gift carb! Unsolicitedly surprise your breadies with a reloadable gift card and a loaf they can use to toast ad-free or purchase a loaf of their own! 🍞🎁