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this post was submitted on 11 Mar 2024
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i can't wait to impound this fucker and charge him $19.85 per foot of crash wrap to cover over his smashed window. And knowing my guys, they'll use five feet very sloppily and overboard with lots of useless excess.
if we assume optimal conditions, as in, this dipshit is arrested within 2 miles of one of our impound yards, the very least amount this will cost him is $324.87, and that price goes up by $35.00 every rolling 24 hours.
if he doesn't pay to get it back within 90 days, we'll get a salvage title issued by the state registry of motor vehicles that transfers the ownership of the vehicle to us, then we'll "auction" the vehicle off (which oftentimes means "selling" it to someone we like for dirt cheap) and subtract whatever meager chump change a secondary buyer was willing to pay sight-unseen from the outstanding bill and send the rest to collections. then he can rant about his sovereign citizenship to the collections agents that will be following him for years and years thereafter :3
That's a Plaid model Tesla, which starts over $100k. Please quadruple your fees and tack on some extra "service fees".
alas, we legally cannot 😭
the towing and storage rates are set by state law where we operate...
if it were possible to crank the price higher and get away with it, especially for fuckers who really deserve it, we would.
as just and right as it would be to no longer honor the protections of law over individuals who reject the law, it is not up to us.
This seems like publicly admitting fraud.
This is why if I ever saw a tow truck driver in trouble, I'd just keep walking. Not worth the piss to put the fire out. I might start actively giving them shit when I see them on the road, tbh. I'm sure OP is going to come back with some hypermasculine BS in self-defense, but at the end of the day, they work at an impound lot so their opinion is basically inconsequential to anything I'll ever do. :3
And that is why, the next time your car is in a ditch due to unforseen road conditions, you can expect to wait at least 4 hours before someone bothers to winch your car out, and charge you over six hundred dollars for the trouble.
If you were a pal worth helping out, maybe it could have gotten done faster. Maybe it could have been off the books. But hey. You shat that bed, you can lay in it buddy.
Or you can avoid trouble by staying the fuck home during inclement weather and keeping your insurance, registration, and license up to date so you never get arrested either and we never have any reason to interact with you. That way, we'll all be happy. :p
Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning