My father is British. My grandmother was British.

There is no way to make British-style beans on toast palatable to people outside of Great Britain. I'm sorry.

There are plenty of British foods I will absolutely defend as terrific. I will murder a wedge of caerphilly cheese and I sometimes import Rowntree's blackcurrant fruit pastilles, I love them so much... but beans on toast? I can't go with you down that road. Also, Daddies Sauce. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Including my father. How do you put that shit in your mouths?

And don't even get me started on Marmite.