Use the name and pronouns they gave you. Kindly mind your own business.
this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2025
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Exactly right. If Jessica Rabbit walked up and introduced herself as Mister Mxyzptlk, that's what the fuck I'm calling them.
I don't really understand the question tbh. If someone tells me their name is fucking Mildred and I think she looks more like a Stacy, I would still call her Mildred. Why would it be different in your situation?
Being cis does nothing to influence your response here. A trans person would call them by the same name, see?
Call someone by the name you're given, and if you're unsure about pronouns, either use they/them or ask.
And as long as you act in good faith and are accepting and understanding, you're doing well. I think this is the spirit of the question - you aren't sure how to act and don't want to offend.
Absolutely trying to act in good faith.
I just hate the thought that someone could be forced to dead name themselves because of a shitty employer.
If they are doing so because of a shitty employer, drawing attention to their real or perceived gender nonconformity could make things worse for them. You could also just be wrong and actually looking at a man that seems feminine to you; it’s very common for trans men to be assumed to be trans women if we’re not passing as men.
I recognize this is absolutely coming from a place of compassion and empathy, but the best thing to do with a stranger is take them at their word and be courteous. There are a ton of things that could be going on when someone introduces themself with a name that seems to contradict their gender presentation, and trans woman forced into it is only one of many possibilities.
To generalize: in general, defer to the person's judgement. If they're giving their real name or their dead name or whatever, assume they did their own tradeoff calculations using more info than you have access to and just go with it, but also be willing to change if they decide to change their decision.
A trans person is even more aware of how shitty a situation that is, which means, when they tell you their name, they're aware of the consequences and are telling you what feels appropriate for them. The best thing you can do is trust them, and follow their lead.
Presentation and gender identity does not need to match up! And some people struggle to present in certain ways. The safest bet is always to respect what you are told
There are plenty of people that use androgynous names or names that don't match their birth gender. They're called by whatever name is provided when asked, and the same with pronouns.
Ex. Logan or Dylan for girls. Madison or Ashley for boys. And some have both like Jose Maria. Jamie Foxx changed his name because he wanted to go first before the other male comics.