I kept screaming while sleeping last night, it was comprehensible.
this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2025
35 points (100.0% liked)
disabled
231 readers
11 users here now
Welcome to c/disabled, an anticapitalist community for disabled people/people with disability(s).
What is disability justice? Disability justice is a framework of activism which centers disabled people of multiple intersections. Before participating in in this community, please read the Ten Principles of Disability Justice.
Do I count as disabled/a person with disability(s)? "Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Follow the Rules:
- This comm is open to everyone. However, the megathread is only open to people who self-identify as disabled/a person with disability(s). We center the experiences of disabled people here, and if you are abled we ask that you please respect that.
- Follow the principles of disability justice, as outlined in the link above.
- Zero tolerance for ableism. That includes lateral ableism. Ableism will result in a ban.
- No COVID minimization.
- Do not offer unsoliticed health advice. We do not want to hear about the wonders of exercise or meditation, thank you very much. Additionally, do not moralize health or "healthy choices".
- If posting an image, please write an image description for our blind/low vision comrades. (If doing this is inaccessible to you, DM one of the mods and we will help.)
- Please CW and spoiler tag discussions of ableism.
- When it comes to identify-first vs person-first language, respect the language that people choose for themselves. If someone wants to be referred to as a disabled person, respect that. If someone wants to be referred to as a person with a disability, respect that.
- Try to avoid using ableist language. It is always good to be mindful of the way language has been used to oppress and harm people.
- Follow the Hexbear Code of Conduct.
Let's kick back and have fun!
founded 9 months ago
MODERATORS
I joined dignitas recently, and was told they can even offer free assisted suicide if someone is very poor, but they have to pay their own travel costs. So I didn't do anything about it for a while. But over the past few days I thought I can at least get the ball rolling, if I can get accepted then as soon as I can get some money I can go. Also my medical conditions seem to be deteriorating and I have been feeling worse than usual. So I decided to go ahead with the matter, only to find that the documentation they need is insane. I thought it would be a simple issue of providing copies of medical records, but no. Aside from needing a ton of medical records, past and present, they want a ridiculous amount of identity verification. I don't have a passport right now but if I got one, wouldn't that be enough? NO! On top of that they want a declaration of your identity signed by a notary, your parents' birth certificates and all kinds of other crap. My father was from Turkey, they don't even have birth certificates in Turkey. If you're unmarried you even need to swear a statutory declaration before a commisioner of oaths, that you've never been married and this apparently costs £100. You also have to provide 4 types of other ID like bank statements, utility bills etc. I can get bank statements, but bills? I pay all that included in my rent. (Or at least I do when I'm in receipt of benefits and actually paying rent.) I guess I could provide a bank statement and a letter from the DWP. I have a government-issued bus pass, maybe that would do too? Don't know what else I can get.
Now, there are several other suicide clinics in Switzerland that don't require so much documentation. However, unlike dignitas, as far as I'm aware they don't offer discounted or free suicide. I have emailed them to check and I'm waiting for a response.
But the other thing with dignitas is they are quite insistent that you bring a relative along to show their support for what you are doing. This is because when people get assisted suicide against their family's wishes, the family complain in the media and it makes dignitas look bad and turns people against legal assisted suicide. But what if you have no family? There is so much to find out about all the hoops I'd have to jump through and they are slow to respond. Why is everything always so difficult?
The weather is apparently bad enough that a bunch of busses got csncelled, and i thought that included mine. Turns out it didn't. Woo.
Hope you got home safe okay!
I lived.
I forgot to pack a lunch and im trapped at campus because of a weather warning. This is entirely my fault and I'm still mad.
a frog living in a polluted pond doesn't need a meal in olive garden.
I think I am going to stop engaging with medical treatment, apart from taking my thyroxine. It doesn't help at all and just makes me worse. I've been wondering why I've been feeling so tired lately and falling asleep in the afternoons again, then i remembered the dumb endo lowered my thyroxine dose. She even threatened to lower it further at my next appointment. She gaslights me that this low dose isn't really making me tired. I've had enough of this shit. I mean, there is no good dose, the higher dose gives me awful side effects and so does the lower dose, this will never end, but I can't stand being this tired any more. From now on will take whatever dose of thyroxine I want and my migraine tablets and nothing else. If these new migraine tablets the neuro gives me don't work or have side effects and she refuses to prescribe me my acute ones then I will buy the accute ones online, even if I have to make a mutual aid post about it. Luckily I have stockpiled quite a few already from my previous prescriptions though. I am cancelling my next endo appointment, I've cancelled my upcoming two foot surgeries.
No more. No more appointments or drugs. The doctors and the meds don't help, the meds riddle me with side effects and the doctors gaslight me endlessly. I really just want to go to dignitas but I need to find the travel money and I don't have the energy to organise all this. But I really feel like I'm done with all this medical shit. I'll do the bare minimum to keep myself alive for now and absolutely no more. All appointments are being cancelled. I really only stuck most of them out this long to help with my benefit appeal, and if all the medical shit I've had done to me so far isn't enough to win it, then nothing will be. I have to provide an updated letter of medical support for my appeal and all the medical crap I've had so far will just have to be enough. Just too exhausted to continue with this nonsense.
Know that you're loved and supported, comrade. You've been through so much.
Thank you. 
This is too heavy for me. I wish I could help you. All I can say is that i think you've done well these last past few weeks in advocating for yourself and I think you should at least keep that up. You matter for as long as you are here.
Thanks. You know what's even more enraging? Not long ago a person on mutual aid helped me to become a member of dignitas. To become a member, you need to print out and fill in the "Declaration of Membership" form. I don't have a printer, so I tried to print it at the local library. I was unable to, because the library has blocked dignitas' website and won't allow people to access it on the library computer! It's yet another aspect of poverty - if you're rich you probably have your own printer and can access whatever websites you want. The poorer you are the fewer choices you have in life. And what business is it of the library anyway if someone wants to go to dignitas - who made them the moral arbiter of assisted suicide prevention?
In the end I found a way around it, by writing the declaration of membership out myself. I was reminded of this today because I need to print some stuff out for my benefit appeal but don't have the money to do it as no-one has responded to the latest mutual aid post. Even when it comes to trying to access benefits - money needed to live - I can't do all I need to do because of lack of money. This world is fvcked up and evil. Some demiurge created this shithole to have a laugh at our expense.
I wouldn't put it past the government to have made a blanket list of banned subjects for public institutions, which would include assisted dying. That sort of micromanagement seems very in line with the British government
I cant advise you on dignitas. But with regards to everything else, you've been resourceful with white lies, small deceptions and asking people directly before. I'm sure you can find someone to lean on to get a print or two. Maybe just asking the librarian directly? Surely they know the system is fucked too.
Well, until I can pay for a doctor's letter anyway, the printing won't be happening.
I can't begin to understand the frustration and exhaustion you're feeling, love. Just... I love you
Thank you. The friends I've made here are literally my only comfort in life right now. I really think I'm going to actually apply to dignitas and see if they will help me. If they were being truthful when I spoke to them before about being willing to do it for free, then I maybe could get the money for travel costs. But then again I'm still struggling to get the cash to get a doctor's note and do some printing for my benefit appeal. I have to continue with that for now in case dignitas doesn't work out.
It might sound OTT but it feels like discrimination that I can't access this service in the UK. People would be outraged if people weren't allowed to do what they want with their own bodies when it comes to abortion, gender reassignment etc but I am not allowed to do what I want with my own body.
Took my mental health day on Friday as prescribed by my therapist and gingerbrat. It was actually pretty nice. I did light laundry chores and made it to about halfway through the 4th(chronological) movie in the Mad Max franchise. I did work on a bit of code stuff but it was correcting typos in my business sites. Nothing too brainy. I also gave Satisfactory another attempt and I think I still hate it.
Then Saturday came and I got hit with a huge wave of depression all over again... I can't really afford to take a day off a week to try and be happy, just to turn around and be more depressed than I was before. I think a lot of it is still tied to my shitty job, my education going to waste, and me just wanting to get out of this daily work grind bullshit. I need to stop setting my worth at what my income is and I don't know how. I don't want to be like generational wealth rich or whatever but I'd just like this dumb business to take off but no one wants or needs a websites and no one wants to pay the real price for one.
I wrote another mobile app in 2 days again. It was inspired by those dumb digital business cards that use NFC to send your info to someone else's phone. This one doesn't have NFC because Android sucks and we can't have nice things. But it does have a QR code generator in it that creates one for each url you add. Think of it sort of as an Android app QR code equivalent to Linktree. But that was how I realized I was back in burnout. So, there is that.
Next stage of burnout is me getting fired.
Your mental health days sounds like a success, I'm glad you took it. As to the days after, I'm honestly not surprised. Making time for yourself when you are actually trying to accomplish anything always drags you down, as if self care was a neglect of duties. It's not, just so you know.
I need to stop setting my worth at what my income is and I don't know how.
You need a proper break, and I agree that you need to unlearn this. A solid income isn't going to make you feel better about yourself. It does help with precarious situations and relieve some stress, but what you need (like a lot of others) is a task or activity that makes you feel useful and purposeful. It'd be nice if the job could be that activity, but it often isn't. Don't give up, but also give yourself more breathing space. You're worthy, no matter how much you earn 
leg pain has been pretty bad lately aggravated by the weather so i'm stuck using my cane more than i've had to in almost a year :') also having to deal with a lot of brain fog from my mental health medication and it makes me feel like i can't type a coherent sentence so there's that too. we push through i guess
not sure how to tag this but could be needed? a lot of self-loathing/invalidation ig
ive been dealing with this issue for 9 years and i still havent mentally accepted that its going to affect my everyday life at least through the near future. i walked in to my psychiatric IOP program the other day with my cane (the first time i ever used it there, short walk from the parking lot means i dont need it 95% of the time in that building) and the looks i got from the other clients ive come to trust just made me ... embarrassed? i guess it was just jarring for people to see for the first time but i cant help but shake the fact that they think less of me now or that they think i'm doing it for attention? a couple of my ex long-term friends used to poke fun at my cane usage and call me a "grandpa" etc so that experience definitely hasn't helped idk.
I have a suggestion for you. Its gonna sound stupid and you're ok for telling me to fuck off.
Get a really cool cane. Like one with flames painted on it, or floral patterns carved into the handle, or something like that.
You dont even need to use it more than once or twice, you can borrow it if you want and deliver it back after having tried it.
If you need a cane you need a cane, and any asshole who would judge you for that will judge you for any perceived weakness and can fuck off anyway. Anyone in any kind of care situation should be sensitive anyway.
So own it. You clearly feel shame around it, but you shouldn't need to. You haven't done anything wrong by needing a cane, and its a part of your daily wear anyway so make it something cool.
And if its a cool accessory then the conversation can switch from "Oh theyre disabled" to "Check out my bitching cane", and the conversation can be about something besides your disability, or at least it can be about your disability in the context of who you are and how you express yourself.
Ive made spaghetti and I'm going to eat it outside on a bench in the shade with a pitcher of ice water while listening to some kinda music with a violin in it I've decided.
I unlocked this new mini game with my brain where I take medicine to try to sleep and my brain keeps me up anyway. Last two nights I've hardly gotten any sleep. I usually have trouble sleeping, but melatonin usually gets the job done. I hope this is a fluke and not a trend, though.
As a fellow disabled person, transfem YouTuber Rain, the Radical Dame, is working on the clock despite getting tired usually. I just had to help her get some rest if she feels tired.
Is anyone else annoyed by religious people, specifically christians, who assume you don’t believe because you resent that "God" put you in a wheelchair or gave you which ever disability you may have? No muthafucker I just don't accept you're inconsistent explanations for what happens to non-believers who never had a chance to "be saved"! I don't want to get all r/atheist on y'all so stop me if I do
well to be honest, while i do not believe in god for a variety of reasons, i wouldn't worship a god who cursed random people to suffer regardless of if he was real. fuck that guy.
I said don't tempt me Sheitan lol. But seriously I'm not religious either but if I was I still would not believe that interpretation of disability and I blame protestants for perpetrating search wretched beliefs. Protestantism really fucked Westerners up!
I'm pretty sure they do this kind of thing (along with because you want sin/you hate god/the church hurt you and I'm sure a million others) because they don't want to hear or think about your actual reasons. If you have an issue to point out with believing/worshiping they can't answer, they are happy to just glue another reason on you as being the real reason you don't believe. I've had many theists do this to me, its very lazy and transparent for anyone not already invested in their position. A deflection for the in group. Oh pay no attention to them, they're just mad at god! Why would we listen to someone who's mad at god?
I make jokes and then I realise two hours later that actually it could be taken as a sex thing and my interlocutor probably did 🙃
Everyone supports "mental health" until they actually get called on to do it. I lived with nominally supportive housemates in college who would say "mental health is important! Believe in yourself!" Then when I started falling apart in my final year they got grossed out. They didn't want anything to do with me. Why invite the depressed person to anything? They're just gonna end up miserable. Talking about depression is gross and yucky, eww, uncomfortable, go to therapy, that's your fault. So they just ended up excluding me from everything they did because it was easier for them.
cw suicide
It took a suicide attempt for them to even ask me if I was doing okay, after a year of my being vocally and visibly depressed.
It sucks finding out that good people can be bad friends. Yes, it would have been uncomfortable and difficult for them to help me. It would have taken some work. But they turned out to be the kind of friends who only like you when you're fun and smiling.
Obviously my depression made things harder for them. It made things harder for everyone. That's why I needed their help, and they didn't give it to me
I really think that almost everyone is like this. It was the same for me when I got cancer. At first people were shocked and sympathetic but as time wore on and my condition worsened, everyone abandoned me.
for real. i guess it's the liberal thing about pretending to care about an issue so you look good? idk. also if you dont recover fast enough they get mad at you, lmao
Yep. I had to quit working and drop out of my studies when I became too ill to continue and people were weirdly angry and judgmental about it. I got comments like "So when are you going back to school? Why don't you sign up to restart this coming term? When are you going back to work? You're not back working yet?" And I'm like "What? I'm having cancer treatment, I'm so unwell I keep falling asleep in the middle of the day, I can't concentrate, I have no energy and I'm having terrible side effects like heart issues and all kinds of other crap, I have non-stop medical appointments and fuckers are complaining that I'm not doing anything right now? As if fighting cancer is just not doing anything.
And the comments for being on benefits. Endless comments about how I'm getting "free money," and "You don't do anything to earn that, you don't deserve it. Lucky you, some of us have to work for our money."
dealing with benefits shit has been way more work than my previous bullshit job lmao, ppl r so stupid and annoying
Absolutely. Working a full time job was easier and less stressful than this.
The bootstrap mentality is omnipresent. You're on the ground, managed once to ask for help, and if you don't get up immediately, they leave you there.
And even if they don't think you're supposed to pull yourself up, they have so much learned helplessness with regards to actually helping that they watch on without doing anything. It's frustrating to no end
Hey, sorry I disappeared a bit. I'd ask how it's goin, but it doesn't look like the answer is "fantabulous." Shit's fucked, I'm sorry folks.
Either way, happy to welcome you back! And while it isn't going fantabulous, we all still are
I actually hate being alive, being trapped in a physical body that's falling apart and literally rotten, painful, infested with infection, doesn't work, requires drugs to stay just barely alive, requires endless maintenance not to mention food, all of which takes time, effort and money. And for what? It's not like these issues are going to be solved, all that can be done is just try to keep on top of them as much as possible. You could probably be prosecuted for animal cruelty if you kept a pet alive in this condition, but a human must be forced to drag it out for as long as possible, for literally no reason whatsoever.
From the ages of about 18/19 to about 21/22 I went through a stage of sometimes having what I can only describe as intrusive visions, although they weren't unpleasant at all. I'd be doing something and suddenly I'd get an actual (maybe mental, I can't describe it exactly) vision of myself (from two perspectives at the same time, first person and third person) as a blonde Australian girl doing exactly the same thing in an alternate life. One time aged about 18 I was walking through a forest, I started jogging and suddenly my entire vision was taken over by this image of me as a blonde Australian girl running through a forest. It was accompanied by intense feelings that this was me in an alternate life. This other me was a total opposite version of myself, blonde where I'm dark, Australian where I'm British, and most of all she had the most positive, uplifted mood imaginable. (Even before my life became as bad as it is now I had depression and physical health issues and money and living situation problems so my mood wasn't brilliant). This Australian version of me was absolutely filled with hope and joy and love of life.
I had this experience several more times over the next few years. Aged around 20/21, I was with two friends, one was playing guitar and listening to it through headphones. He took the headphones off and gave them to another friend. As soon as this person put the headphones on I had another intense vision of us both as Australians, in a small private plane, about to take off. He was the pilot and was putting his pilot headphones on. Again I felt that sense of joy and love of life, we were clearly having great lives in this alternate reality.
It happened several other times, and after a few years it just stopped happening. I don't know whether it was a mental illness, a coping mechanism or what, I mean my life wasn't as bad then as it is now but it doesn't happen any more. It really felt like there was this parallel life out there somewhere, where I was the opposite of myself, living the opposite life where everything was brilliant. Sometimes I've wondered, if that version of me is actually real somewhere then maybe to balance the scales and pay for that great life I also have to live this life where everything is terrible and miserable and hopeless. Or maybe it's some cosmic learning experience, experiencing the best and the worst of life. Maybe it was just a coping mechanism to feel good for a few moments but then why don't I get it any more? I wish I could swap places and be that Australian.
It should always be around 15 c around me at all times. Its too hot.
I try so hard to be understood and it just doesn't work out :cri: like I know NTs get misunderstood too, idk. Its very frustrating running over and over what I'm going to say, what I'm hoping they'll say, and they just immediately misunderstand and I walk away with them not getting it at all. At least this latest thing was not terribly important but its frustrating regardless.
load more comments
(4 replies)
The pharmacist heard my accent and switched to English. I have never been this owned.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Idk. I'm having a hard time with people infodumping in that I straight up tune out and start wondering "this has no relevance to me, why on earth are they still talking"
Like I can't pretend to care about something I straight up don't give a shit about. I can't listen to a recommendation and an indepth review of a show that I haven't seen and will never see.
If I were asked, I'd talk about it politely. Like, idk.
Wish someone cared that I had a bad time, that I felt left out. I'm gonna die a third wheel. Being around people is triggering, hearing about people who have transitioned is triggering, I'm ready to run into the woods. Fuck all of this.
Am I figuring out neurotypicals
I'm supposed to be honest but also not overshare how fucked up I am even though that is honesty, I'm supposed to want people not to care if I'm any gender when I want people to affirm my feminine side, and I'm supposed to get people to help me without realizing that they're helping me otherwise they'll say "not on your life, squirt." Or I'm supposed to ask endless questions like I'm filling out a form, I guess, to get to know them
::: spoiler not good, folks If it had been up to me, the right people wouldn't have left in the first place and I wouldn't have had to sit and figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I don't know if others are supposed to care. Maybe I just get therapy and transition and never tell anyone. But Hot Fuck it would be nice to have some sort of standard, or baseline, or average for what to shoot for, to start, for now.
It would be nice to have someone actively engaging with my problems because that's always what I've done for others. Checking in to see if they're making progress. Asking how they are. Maybe that's codependent and fucked up and gross and betrays boundaries. But it's what I want. Is it bad that I want some of the attention in my life to be unprompted? Am I a sinful beast for wanting the energy I have given to reciprocate in some recognizable form? Maybe I am awful for wanting that.
fuck
Like literally I might have to get worse to get better. I just don't see a path forward. I'm too old and too lacking. Do I really have to work this hard to find my people? Nobody else has to work this hard to get someone to have a conversation with them.
I don't want to die but like there's no life so it makes you think
Kill Me
I can only really deduce that something is wrong with me because nobody will validate my concerns and that it's a reflection of me in some way. I am doing something to make people feel horrible when they talk to me or read my posts and they correctly decide that I suck
Doesn't matter that I'm nonbinary or autistic, people think I suck for some other secret reason being kept from me I guess by everyone. Like I don't know what I'm supposed to be making of situations where nothing I do is actually enough to get attention.
I'll be honest, I thought someone would at least pity me. I'd accept pity under the right circumstances. I wanted mutual emotional support, but clearly nobody is ever going to want to talk to me about emotions or processing thoughts or anything like that and it was a lost cause from the beginning.
I see people every day who just connect and talk about things and have no anxiety and I want to be like that so much and I resent that everyone else learned and nobody taught me. They all know what I don't and they won't tell me. And I'm supposed to be strong. God forbid I find myself feet-up at the bottom of a creek in the mountains. I get less support because I'm suffering.
Like, I'll start speaking up, and I guarantee that it'll be a problem, and I won't give a shit because no one ever bothered to even try to help me work through this. I don't know how to justify taking blame for behavior that I perceive to be someone else's fault. Seems like the person who made me upset shouldn't have done that.
Maybe help the person you know is struggling, the person you know is going through something you went through, or something you can help with. "No, I'm gonna wait for him to have the idea himself to put down the razor. He'll talk himself out of it, I mean, he talked himself into it, could work" 🤔
I'm genuinely confused as to why people don't notice and why people don't say more. Here and irl. It doesn't matter, obviously you decided not to care.
If you feel I'm out of line, let me know and I'll delete the comment
I don't want you to think we don't care. We do, about everyone here, including you. Let me maybe explain why I at least feel unable to help you in the sense of seeing your struggles and supporting you emotionally.
Your problems of being unable to connect to people are valid, and you're far from being the only one here. What I feel makes it difficult for us to reply is your rejection of others. You want someone to care, while at the same time you say you can't bring yourself to care about someone telling you how great the show is they're infodumping about. It's alright not to want to watch this particular show, but the point of forming connections with others is to appreciate what they're passionate about, and to be able to receive the same appreciation in turn for what you're passionate about. This goes beyond watching shows, naturally, and only applies if you want to form a connection with this particular person.
A lot of what you write reminds me of myself irl, and let me tell you, it's only gonna hurt you to think about yourself as having to get worse to get better. It doesn't work. You'll only get worse and worse, more resentful, spiteful, hateful even. I'm not saying you need to be all sunshine and rainbows from now on, but I really recommend being more vulnerable. The only way to form connections is to let some people see you emotionally honest. And that means trying with new people until you find someone who will be this open with you too.
It's give and take, and while I appreciate that you seem to have been hurt before, the only way this hurt will heal is if you try again with forming connections. You're not a horrible person. You're not unlovable. You're you, and you decide who you want to be. And I think you're a beautiful person to be around - here and irl. Let yourself be.
spoiler
My problem with holding space for others is actually that I've done it for so long that I guess I thought that someone would offer me the same. I'm inclined to stay quiet and listen, but I'm also burnt out from it, from listening to people so much and being asked so rarely. If someone asked me I would be so vulnerable. The problem is when I'm vulnerable people are consistently put off, but nobody will tell me how I'm supposed to phrase things in order to avoid that. I thought prompting others to ask would be better than just saying "Wow I want to die" devoid of any context. It gives other people the opportunity to help. I don't want to take someone hostage by talking about suicide or gender dysphoria and expecting them to care. That's a lot to place on others.
If this were the first time this person was telling me about the show, that's different. If this person weren't consistently talking over me and others, that's different. People ignore and talk over me when I want to infodump, and then I have your infodump and my infodump that I didn't get to say still in my head and I haven't gotten to dump anything anywhere. But it's my fault for having too much going on in my head. I'm burnt out from being thoughtful and mindful of others where it isn't reciprocated. Like if anyone would just ask. me. direct. questions. surprise surprise, I'd answer.
My perception is that I do a lot for others by being polite and not talking over them and listening to them. Other people will just talk over each other and be rude and not listen and I always try to listen as much as I can so they don't feel ignored. This same space is not held for me, and that is what I do not understand. I have always tried to be there for others.
I don't really think people want connection unless they're explicit about it. Like to me that's something that has to be stated and established. I don't want to build something with someone in some vague situationship that just ends because it's not convenient. I want it to be mutual and intentional.
I'd also argue that me saying any of this is me being vulnerable. But watch, somehow I'm doing it wrong, or doing it in the wrong time or place, or something. The goalposts keep moving.
spoiler
Okay, this makes a lot more sense now with context. Yeah, naturally you're fed up with just giving and not receiving. Out of curiosity, when you're being infodumped on or people just talk and talk and talk, do you ask for their attention to what you want to talk about? And if so, how do you ask and what is their reaction?
Just being there for others, with this politeness, usually doesn't lead to forming connections. What I've realized is the more you keep giving, the less people will give back. May it be attention or time or just the same basic courtesies you give them. The narrow line here is giving but establishing firm boundaries as to how far your politeness goes, and how much "being talked at" you'll accept before you leave. People tend to show you more respect for what you want and care about if you say "I'll listen to you talk about [infodump topic], but I also wanna share what's on my mind." It's just you taking up the space you need for yourself. If you do this, people who actually respect and like you and want to form connections with you will do so. I'm only speaking out of what I learned myself over the last couple of years, and I know it's precious little. It's also really hard to do this stuff.
And you are right about people being honest about forming connections. Only thing I'd add here is that sometimes, when you meet someone new, you don't know yet if you want to like this person or not. So people need time to get to know each other (this horrible thing called small talk), and that's when this decision starts to be made. Once they're sure, which comes from actually spending time together when the vibes are right, they will be more straightforward. It's a game of patience and a lot of rejection, and I'm not sure there even is a surefire way to find the mutual and intentional connection with others.
Hope this helps you a little bit and doesn't come off as a lecture. Let me know if I'm getting you wrong.
view more: next ›