Oh, shut up
Not The Onion
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
This... This isn't The Onion?
Humans are silly.
Satire is dead...
I truly can't tell these days, but Gaetz looks like Butthead.
Actually, he looks more like Beavis
Maybe a bit like Mikey Day?
I've seen that one oh so many times!!! Heidi breaking character is as funny as Mike Day.
He eats the sugar and "becomes" Cornholio.
No need. We already know enough, don't we???? Hellooooo
7/16 - Rep. Lauren Boebert wants Matt Gaetz to lead special counsel investigation into Epstein files
7/18 - Matt Gaetz leads special council investigation into the Epstein files
7/19 - Matt Gaetz dies from masturbation-induced dehydration
To be fair, I wouldn't be surprised that he would meet that end on any random day.
The logic being "it takes one to know one?"
So the pedophile gets to lead the investigation into pedophile activity? Sounds about right
And Handjob Barbie is involved as well, the skank that wanked off her date at the theatre with -I think- kids all around her.
Only an imbecile would trust these two scumbags.
She started dating her husband after he exposed himself to a bunch of teenagers (her included). Boebert definitely isn't against pedophilia, it turned her on.
She’s just upset the Lolita* Express was shut down before she could visit the island.
Her son also filmed himself having sex with a minor, the film was found when they were arrested for trespassing, theft, and identify theft.
it's disgusting that she still holds office. That bitch better make sure her skull is shatter proof
https://www.newsweek.com/lauren-boebert-son-sex-tape-tyler-1874680
Well don't you want an expert to lead the investigation? - Bobert probably.
Yeah, the girl with stage V Stockholm's syndrome who was trafficked when she was underage insists!
Oh yeah, her shit bag son also caught charges for statutory rape
Dream team Special counsel:
Lead- Matt Gaetz
Assist
- Harvey Weinstein,
- Bill Cosby from the jello commercial
- the dusty bones of Strom Thurmond
- R. Kelly's piss
- fat Jared
every comedian with a mic and a camera needs to be lighting up everyone in Washington.
I heard Matt Gaetz was asked to investigate the case with Epstein. He declined stating the children involved in the case were too old for him now.
The FBI was investigating claims that Chuck Grassley is a pedophile. their report claims that it's impossible for him to be a pedophile since anyone that comes in direct contact with him rapidly ages and turns to dust. However, the report did find that there are over 45 children missing after a "sleepover" at his estate.
You don't need a pedophile lawyer, you need a pedophile lawyer, get what I'm sayin'?
Quite the crime fighting duo. A drug fueled rapist and one the most crazy skanks alive are here to solve all our problems.
If you think the problems are bad… wait until you see their solutions!
Honestly I’m so confused. New factions are spinning off by the hour. It’s wild.
I legit cannot get over how fucking stupid people are. This isn't a new faction, they're gearing up to investigate and say there's nothing. Maxwell is in on it because she doesn't want to die in prison.
oh there won't be nothing, plenty of dems gonna be on that list for sure, but mysteriously only a couple token no-name (R)s
Hey, Republicans, what happened with that "groomer" panic you guys were harping about not too long ago?
They were panicking because they were thinking other people were stealing their kids that they want to groom. It is more like turf war than anything else
Jesus, is she still around?
she kinda disappeared around the same mtg did, when TRUMP got elected. before that all we could hear is from these 2 before the election.
Only the Gross Old Pedophiles could come up with shit like this.
Yeah, this timeline really is fucking bizarre.
At least it seems on brand for the GOP.
guess Boeberts check didn't clear.
THIS is why she and the Other Republicans voted AGAINST Releasing the Epstein Files! They wanted MATT GAETZ to Release it Instead for some reason because that's PREFERABLE than Releasing it without him?
Makes sense to appoint someone who knows the subject matter so well
That's an oddly strategic move from a pancake like BoBo.