parenting

With my kids, we tend to stick to more gender-neutral toys, wood blocks, that sort of thing. Get a lot of toys from Hapé, that sort of thing.

Went to a kid's birthday party today. Family has 2 boys. Played with the toys in the basement. And jfc, damn near every toys was heavily masc-coded. i swear to god, there was a toy fire engine that had literal muscles on it. Every vehicle had big chunky wheels and seemed to be designed with a certain masculine aesthetic. There was this cop car designed like a tank that shot out discs. Every toy just seemed overly aggressive and bought specifically to signal MY SON IS NOT GAAAAYYY!

Like, I was raised with "boy toys" like Tonka trucks. But those just seemed more like realistic representations of real thing. Even something silly like Transformers, their vehicle forms were like boring-ass sedans and shit. So many toys today seem like they have to crank up the gender coding to 11 (boys and girls); while at the same time there are a ton of toys that aren't problematic at all.

I feel like this says a lot about the social reproduction of gender and capitalism.

Maybe an odd question, so I'll unpack it a bit. Back during the time of the Michael Brown shooting, I remember hearing about how black parents often have "the talk" with their kids about the pigs. About how they aren't there to help, about how to stay safe around them, etc.

I'm white, my kids are white, and I realized I need to have my own ACAB talk with them eventually. This weekend, my older toddler said to me "the police keep us safe". I'm guessing she picked it up from day care teachers because I don't let her watch any TV that glorifies pigs and I live in a kinda reactionary area.

When she asked, I kinda fumbled and just said "not really, the police don't keep people safe". I knew that wasn't a great answer but she's little so she just sorta heard it and then moved on to her next unrelated topic. I've been thinking about it. I have some time, but at some point I need to talk to her and tell her the truth about cops.

Do you all have any advice about how to explain the reality of policing in America to white kids? I'm making that "white" qualifier for a reason. In white spaces and communities, the copanganda kids face is intense. The cops are portrayed as these kind, benevolent peacemakers who are only there to help. And frankly, the cops themselves do a great job propagandizing white kids. They make sure to have all these positive interactions with them when they're young. That's what I have to fight against. I know because that was my experience as a white kid growing up. I never really had negative interactions with cops myself. Shitting on cops was very much socially forbidden among my Mayo-American social circle. And the last mental domino to fall in me becoming a leftist was realizing how absolutely shitty cops are and their real role in the system. I really want my kids to be able to see the cops for who they are, even though I know how much of an uphill battle that's going to be for me.

I came across this resource by happenstance and figured I may as well share it. I'm not a parent myself, but I skimmed through the toolkit and I think it would be really useful for broaching these topics with kids, especially with all the copaganda present in children's media.

you can download the toolkit directly here

or browse the creator's website if you'd like!

keep up the good work raising your little ones! always wishing y'all the best :Care-Comrade:

Hey everybody,

Here comes some rambling bullshit!

TLDR; what do we do as leftist to be intentional in raising our kids in line with our values?

Something I’ve struggled with as a dad is what it means to be a parent and a leftist. There are clear parenting “tracks” for other systems of beliefs (raising a Christian/Jewish/Muslim kid; arguably ones for raising a conservative - though I’m not sure in the American context how separate that is from raising a religious kid, raising an upper-class kid definitely has its own track, etc), but I don’t know of any that are specific to the left.

I’ve started reading HumanKind (this probably means I’m a lib), which got me thinking that what my political beliefs are based in probably boils down to a sort of hope for and belief in others. If we assume that other people are, like ourselves, generally good with some flaws, it follows that others deserve to have the same sorts of basic protections and rights that we want for ourselves.

This runs counter to the cynicism that HumanKind got me thinking about and (in my humble and uninformed opinion) runs rampant because those at the top of hierarchies need it to maintain control and justify their own cruelties.

But, without that hope for and belief in others, what are our politics grounded in?

The other element of this is probably direct action. It’s nice to “want good things” for other people, but there’s also the element of going out and fucking fighting for them. Some of this is, again, tied to the belief that people know what’s best for them and should be empowered to go out and get it, rather than having a technocrat come up for a means-tested solution for them (:volcel-kamala:). But, advocating for yourself as part of fighting for the common good, that seems like part of it, too.

This goes to questioning assumptions, being raised so you’re empowered to speak up, ask questions, call out bullshit. That’s probably its own thread.

Again to prove my lib credentials: Bernie’s 2020 slogan still resonates with me: “Fight for someone you don’t know.” I think that’s the right way, and it’s based in an recognition of and appreciation for our shared needs.

So anyway, what do you do to be a leftist parent?

EDIT: the scribbled down note that inspired this was:

“Left” parenting is grounded in HOPE and OPTIMISM that are based on evidence that we naturally care for each other.

I’d add to that that we don’t fucking NEED to excuse our compassion and curiosity and optimism away. As our kids show us, it’s our natural state!

OT: Since having kids, seeing unhomed people has become that much more heartbreaking; each person sleeping in a doorway or screaming at a tree was once a perfect, loving, open baby, just like mine or yours. A phrase Cornell West uses resonates with me more and more: “precious lives”. His worldview is rooted in a religious faith I don’t share, but I appreciate the revolutionary potential and the deep compassion behind that phrase. During covid I thought about it a lot. Yeah, there was something schadenfreude-y about seeing the chuds die of COVID but at the same time, those lives are not any less precious even though they may have been acting selfishly and thoughtlessly.

Synthesis: just get stoned at work lol

Anyone else real conflicted about Bluey?

Most episodes navigate a common experience for kids, and basically all the ones I've seen are funnier than I'd like to admit. Both of these things rock

But then, there's the Bean Dad episode where help is offered to the 6yo with riding a bike, but then denied to the 4yo trying to drink water. Then there's the episode with the moral: If your ADHD makes it hard to fit in, the Army may be your destiny. Then there are all the fun references to "island beats" and "ooga booga"

Am I just doing anxious dad shit? I'm zapping episodes out of my kid's rotation just in case

pee-pee

For real, it's taken me nearly a year to finish Capital vol. 1. It's a large book but not that large. I used to read so much more. But now that I have kids, it seems like that reading time has really shrunk. There are some unique factors that work against me (kids that sleep less than the low number of the range for their ages and a partner who sees reading as kinda antisocial) but still, I bet a lot of parents are in the same boat. If you have kids and you're actually able to get reading in, how do you do it.

Edit: actually, I'm reading David Harvey's companion book along with it, so that's like two books in a year. Still way, way below the amount of reading I'd like to do.

I'm mainly looking for stuff like what to expect, how to raise a child, etc., but I'm open to other suggestions too. It doesn't have to be explicitly communist/leftist (although that would be nice lol), but at least stuff that is aligned with similar values.

I've seen Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, and The Will to Change by bell hooks recommended on leftist parts of :reddit-logo:, and I've heard that Pedagogy of the Oppressed has some useful ideas in it too

Linked above, but here are the instructions:

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Bluey is in the family section under "B"

One of my kids is so shy it's painful, so I always try to get a costume to prevent anyone from making them actually say trick r treat, but they haven't picked anything yet. Never really done a family costume, but not opposed.

https://hexbear.net/pictrs/image/2L7tFIvJGj.jpg

I'm not sure if citations needed has ever done an episode on articles like this, but as a parent and a leftist it's hard to not start noticing that nearly all parenting "experts" or "success" stories seem to basically boil down to people 'richsplaining' how to raise your kids into successful CEOs and career paths.

I find this incredibly frustrating because this bassically accepts as a framework that your kid becoming a CEO is an inarguably laudable goal, rarely if ever asks questions about how psychologically well adjusted they are as people, and perhaps most importantly never addresses the elephant in the room of the role class plays.

I feel like my entire life, in basically every form of media I've ever seen: helicopter parenting has been assumed as being wrong and harmful. These days it's hard for me not to ask if this isn't just an extension of the culture of "personal responsibility" and "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps."

/Wall of text as kind of a conscious stream

So not long ago I became a godparent (or whatever the materialist way to phrase it is). What I noticed is that the people involved are turning into hangover, sleep deprived pieces of human flesh they haven't been before. Them becoming like that is a harsh contrast to a cute polycule I know which still had all the annoying yelling things, but which were able due to their social and material relations have rest for some parts of the poly cule and also a good social network which reduced a lot of the stress that my friends experience now.

Since we are not living exactly close by any support of me would not be on the same scale as someone who is closer by and could actually have lasting qualitative input and share of reproductive work to be done.

Anything I write is not new, but it really is absurd how two people working nearly full time (even though one gets parent time by the German state law of 2005 or so) are supposed to care for a little crying human. It also is doubly absurd remembering that many walls of social housing (like the block I grew up in) are thin enough to hear your upper and lower neighbours kid's scream when they are very young.

The economic cultural system of the "civilized world" or however that other thread dunking on the syllabus of a course put it does amount to sleep deprivation torture and is good at stress testing the social relationship of the people co-parenting a new born, toddler etc. it also makes it kinda hard to have alone and bonding time, which in turn does strengthen if something at all, bonds with ones friends instead of with the co-parenting partner (which can be good to a point). Arguments about "in earlier times the grandparents did care for children" don't really work in industrial societies in which grandparent would've died to exposure as Engels thought us.

Anyhow the material reasons for two person couples caring for children are partially enshrined in housing codes and the politics and economic abilities to acquire housing - be it by buying, building or renting. Alternative models or the "grandparent" model are made more and more impossible with the current basically global social economic conditions. But if we take Germany or the US alternatives are hardly possible. This is not only cause of the way cities are built for cars instead of pedestrians, not also cause of racist history, but also cause of the focus of housing which is not capital nor energy efficient, but is a home for a family which is understood as cis hetero man and wife and offspring.

Will sleep on a shitty couch to give them a bit more time to chill together and catch up on sleep. I do will bring my own Oropax though.

Thinking about getting him on the all meat diet

It's basically just a drink to myself. I don't mourn any life before children, but please, stop reaching into my cup and pulling ice out or getting little floaty bits of food in my water.

tag yourself I'm

for some reason it won't show up but I tried to put a blowfish emoji :(

The kids have been falling asleep to this the last few nights.

Update to my askchapo post here: https://hexbear.net/post/181025

Birthday absolutely slapped! I am extremely ANTI posting your own children's photos on social media/forums (let alone OTHER people's kids), so I'm afraid you'll all have to settle for our Blood Velvet cake with the satanic cape topper.

But seriously, I just wanted to say thanks for all the great ideas! I had black robes and masks for everyone, creepy chants, candles, tarot readings, demon sigils, dry ice fog, scythes, et al. I was a bit worried how some of the other parents would feel but when I pitched it as effectively a random Halloween party in early summer they all thought it was rad as hell.

So far the only books that remotely fit the description that I've seen have been:

Pedagogy of the oppressed

A is for Activist.

The divide between these two is massive, so I propose we build a reading list for new parents and parents that are trying to instill good lefty values into the babies.