Rant

I have EDS, which has caused POTS + CFS as comorbidities. Prior to developing POTS and CFS, I was the sharpest person in my class, I did things very quickly, and understood things faster than others. This was constantly pointed out by people. I experienced an incredibly delayed diagnosis of POTS. Normally, on average, it takes about 4 years from the onset of symptoms to be diagnosed. For me it took 12 and I can't help but feel like having an undiagnosed heart issue for so long caused some neurological damage.

I am on a heart medication for POTS called ivabradine and it has helped me so much, however the symptom that still lingers the most is the brain fog, which is extremely embarrassing. Some days I can't even form a coherent sentence, I'll say down instead of up, I'll forget what someone said in the middle of their sentence, I'll forget what day it is, be unable to process what's directly in front of me, or forget where I am spatially. It's so bad that my family have likened me to a dementia patient. I have the hypovolemic variant of POTS, meaning I'm always deficient in blood volume so my ears are constantly ringing and I have an achy neck from insufficient blood flow to my head.

Salt + lots of water helps but it doesn't save me from daily embarrassment caused by my brain fog. Everything about me is slow now, even my physical movement is slow and it's like I'm moving through water. It pisses me off so much because this isn't me. I genuinely feel like I'm a bad person because of this, and it's affecting my confidence so badly I'll avoid doing simple tasks.

Now, I've heard that amphetamines/CNS stimulants are to brain fog as ivabradine is to POTS. Ivabradine has worked wonders for issues relating to my heart rate and has also helped my circulation somewhat because each heartbeat is stronger compared to before. I'm constantly rushing things trying to make my body go fast and do things fast (because in my mind fast = my old self, and my old self = good) and something will happen that'll trip me up.

I don't know what it's called when you have a bad conscience, but she bullies me so badly when stuff like this happens. I'll make a mistake due to brain fog and I'll be legit angry all day with thoughts like "what the fuck, even a 5 year old wouldn't have issues with that" "how can you live normally if you don't even know what day it is?" "you're such an embarrassment, your old self would be ashamed" sometimes I feel like that bad conscience IS my old self, and she's ashamed of me. I'm completely aware of how I'm messing up on the simplest of things which makes this so much more enraging. It's like I'm having to use 100% of my brain power just to make a cup of tea.

I am due for a telephone appointment with my cardiologist soon but I might just book an appointment with my GP specifically about the brain fog. If being on prescription speed makes me more like my old/true self then so be it, screw the stigma.

There's an expectation that you can receive calls anytime, reply to messages quickly, it's like having people in your pocket, always with you.

And I don't even use most social media, which others often find weird. I don't understand how people put up with and manage so many messages when it's multiple per minute. Snapchat, Instagram, Discord, Messenger, every few seconds responding to something is what I see most others doing.

Oh, funnily, it's often the people who constantly say "Back in my good ole times we had no smartphones like you, and we lived just fine." who expect a prompt reply, or get mad when you don't pick up the phone.

People can and will just message you during the day and suddenly expect you to change your plans.

And why have a smartphone then? Its evolved from being just a communicator. It's a computer, flashlight, camera, modem, access point, storage device, music player, radio receiver, remote control, portable server if you're weird enough, but simply, a lot more than just a messaging and calling device.

I can at least trash the calling part and excuse it on technical difficulties (disabling VoLTE, VoWIFI, VoNR and fallback 2G/3G networks).

I just hate the feeling that someone could suddenly message me. I hate having to pull out my phone because a message has arrived and I have to respond. I hate having to look at it every few seconds when I am trying to do something else, because someone messaged me.

I regret showing RCS to my father. I didn't realize just how much good the monetary cost of SMS was doing. "Free" messaging is paid by the soul.

Too few results so you remove the operators? Are you crazy?

seriously, someone I know caused me to show signs of ptsd which was later diagnosed and i feel actually anxious and nauseous around her with constant nightmares of her but apparently that’s okay that shes causing me to feel that way because “she was just having a bad day” and “there’s nothing wrong with an introvert being distant to people”.

because being introverted = harming someone to the point they have ptsd. and since she was having a bad day and the poor woman suffers so much, of course it should be okay!!

it’s sick how badly abusing someone for years for their disability and thinking they’re disgusting and deserve death goes unpunished.

I've seen a lot of people on this site make comments that terrorism is now legal in the Untied States or asking if it's now legal for them to storm the capitol and other such nonsense.

No, pardoning someone does not change the law. A pardon just means that individual will not be punished for that specific crime. It doesn't mean that individual is allowed to commit further crimes or even the same one again. It doesn't mean the crime is no longer illegal. It doesn't mean future offenders are guaranteed a pardon. All it means is that individual is forgiven for those specific actions by law.

If you forgive someone for lying to you, that doesn't mean that for the rest of your life they and everyone else has permission to lie to you.

So, my ex Issac (19nb, ~16nb at the time) [pronouns he/they] was my friend from therapy group. He was really friendly towards me (and handsome!) so I (at the time 15f) started to have a slight crush on him.

At one point, he casually mentioned that he had a partner, so I decided not to proceed any further and let the feelings die.

Since, at the time, his phone got taken away, I couldn’t get any contact information from him, when he left the group and therapy group ended with the leader getting a new job somewhere else, I didn’t see Issac for a while.

I moved on forever. I didn’t like him anymore and never would that way, or so I thought.

I still go to therapy, just with a new therapist. While I was waiting to talk to her one day, I saw Issac again playing a video game on his phone. I was ecstatic, and started chatting with him.

I got his contact information and we started to become friends again. Issac became the kind of guy with a ton of friends, but he’s also dependent on drugs and alcohol, and was high or drunk (or both) 75% of the time we called.

Issac is currently dating a man, Ryan. However, Issac’s bi, so he can also be attracted to women. I found out I was one of those women, and it clearly ruined our friendship.

Talking to him, I started to gain old feelings, though I didn’t realize it until the day he confessed.

He confessed on a call that he liked me, and wondered what I would do if he “hypothetically did”. I said I wouldn’t care, because I liked him too and started liking him a few years back and a few months after we met.

I knew about his BF Ryan, but since he said that he was in an open relationship, I (wrongly) took that to mean Ryan was okay with him seeing other people.

Issac asked me later if we were official, and I said yes.

For a few days, we had a honeymoon stage, where we would be very happy and he would discuss how pretty I was and how badly he wanted to kiss me. This phase quickly faded.

He started to almost completely cut contact with me and act very anxious, apparently because he felt bad that Ryan didn’t even know about us.

He eventually told Ryan, who said he’d have to think about it, and then said they were exclusive, so we broke up.

I was upset for many reasons, but Issac was just like “I like him more than you?! I’m already dating him!!”

I still like him as we just broke up but I’m trying to move on. I can’t even talk about things because Issac is just completely leaving my messages on read, saying he’s typing, then not responding.

This rant is directed towards myself. I'm sending myself to bed without supper.

We have lived here for the last 10 years. We always pay our water bill. Occasionally, we'll forget and receive a final notice for our water bill which we will promptly pay.

Tonight at 8 pm, a city police officer banged on our door with a blinding flashlight in hand. Made me verify my identification and then handed me my water bill (the due date being a week from now)

What the hell!

There are a lot of assumptions being made about the yeti's character, without anything to go by.

normally, i would, but what point is there? even if she has a bad day, she’s not going to learn her lesson. she has diagnosed npd and a bunch of other mental illnesses (untreated) and cannot accept fault.

even if she is sad, NO amount of sadness she has will be as large as the damage she’s done, nor will it fix anything at all.

Notes:

My sister Lena (14F) sent me these pictures (so “Me” is Lena, not me) and said I could use them as long as the names were blacked out for advice and such.

Ashlyn (blue, 14F) apparently has NPD, which could be a reason but doesn’t excuse her behavior. She is known for being an overall rude person, especially towards Lena, and is also known for exaggerating, giving vague explanations, not able to identify people and messing up timing on things (bringing up drama that happened “recently” when it either never happened or was weeks ago), and even lying that people don’t like Lena when they clearly do. Lena’s confusion makes me wonder if half of the stuff even happened, and if it did, possibly not in the way Ashlyn tried to convince her it did.

Due to Ashlyn being vague a lot, Lena will ask her what she’s talking about and Ashlyn will get mad and insult her.

I’ve also observed that people say that Ashlyn’s interactions and reasons to be angry at people is often odd and not natural, with stories often exaggerated and fabricated like I already said to prove a point.

Most people Lena talks to don’t even seem to be too fond of Ashlyn and say Lena was far kinder/more respectful than Ashlyn was, ever.

so many people say they support me even if i have autism and bipolar. they say they don’t mind, that they want to help me. they’re lying. they take it for granted, think i’m weird for something i cant control, take advantage of me and abuse me.

my friend lied about being this very supportive person who believes in equality. she hates me for being bipolar and autistic. she lied.

a girl broke up with me because im bipolar. she called me a creep and a psychopath.

she yells at me for everything. she hits me (not hard) ruins my mental health, doesnt want me talking to anyone besides her.

she says everyone hates me, that only she likes me. then she said that me not knowing social skills and being mentally ill was stupid and that im a terrible person. she told me i should die.

she hates me bc i have a disability, she tried to strangle me once and claim it was a joke. i hate her so much. i have to see her every day.

stop trying to give me an ultimatum, saying i’ll go to hell or that we can’t be friends if i don’t pray.

if i’m uncertain that god exists because there’s NO PROOF EITHER WAY for me.

i’m not a “perfect” straight christian woman like you are, i’m not going to change myself because my looks “tempt” men. i dress for me, not for men.

i don’t CARE if same-gender relationships are “sins” and you’ll go to hell. there are some pro-lgbt churches. i don’t care if “all women are for is to complement men and they’re inferior and they should only be with other men for that reason”.

this shit makes me so mad. i don’t have to be religious if i don’t want to be. there’s this one straight christian woman i know and she hates other women it’s so annoying, and she claims to support the lgbt but “doesn’t care about gay/trans rights”.

omfg shut up, there’s some actual kind christians despite me not being one myself, but these people obviously aren’t.

if you’re genuinely curious as to whether i pray, am christian/religious, or go to church, then that’s fine, but DON’T TRY TO FORCE ME. i thought christianity preached acceptance??

But have you ever heard of womanwalking?

It's known to happen when two or more women are walking down a pathway, engaged in conversation. They must walk parallel with each other, and everyone else trying to share the pathway be fucked. These womanwalkers will often look you in the eye as they force you off the pathway.

For like 12 years I've worked in the service industry. That means sporadic hours and shifts that can happen whenever. About a year ago though I got a 9:00 to 5:00 job and it has been absolute hell trying to live my life as I have. How do normal people do this? All the business hours of places that you need to go, the bank, the doctors, the post office. Office they're closed by the time you get off of work. I have to actually call off of work just to get anything done. There's no way the majority of people are living like this, right?

Jesus Christ. That was the shortest amount of time I’ve ever been part of a social media site. It was overwhelming & everything was locked behind a subscription to separate accounts. So I couldn’t take part in many chats. I want to be an informed citizen but that place seemed like the devil himself. Additionally I got like 20 emails from everyone I followed. It was constantly pushing notifications about things I couldn’t participate in because I wasn’t a paying member. I’ll stick to mastodon.

TLDR. I tried to get the news & such off Substack & then deleted Substack.

(Saw some random Internet post a while ago about a guy who wouldn’t stop harassing his “friend”)

Seriously, people kept saying that “people of the opposite gender can’t be friends”, and for the specific example I saw, if a woman posts about being friends with a guy while she has a boyfriend, and something happens with her and the guy friend that’s she didn’t ask for, apparently it was her fault and “she asked for it” and she also cheated on her boyfriend??

And people say they feel bad for the boyfriend and that the guy did nothing wrong for having an innocent crush on her if he pressures her into sex/a relationship? It’s always the woman’s fault. “Obviously, women can’t even talk to men besides their boyfriend, totally!”

So… can gay men with boyfriends not have man friends? Straight men and lesbians can’t have woman friends?

A similar thing actually happened to me, a woman, with a guy friend, and I’m dating a WOMAN. (I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, but the guy still didn’t care about how I felt. Even if he said he did and was always like “with your consent, of course”, I knew he didn’t care about who I was as a person or my consent. He just wanted to guilt-trip and pressure me into being his girlfriend because that’s all I was to him: some hot lady who was evil for saying no.

(Of course, this goes for anyone, and everyone can be friends with everyone regardless of gender, this just specifically talks about women because that’s what happened in the post.)

my family is always fighting and everyone instantly starts yelling. If someone outside saw it theyd think we're unhinged. it is horrible, we get along most of the time but sometimes something flares up and it makes my stomach turn. i try and get everyone to be calm and accept what the others are saying and respect them but then theyre just stubborn and agitate me to the point i lose it myself. what do?

My sister Lena is 14. She has this one “friend” who is very odd from what I’ve seen? She’s known for being rude to almost anyone who isn’t popular at her school and yells at Lena for stupid crap.

She tells Lena she’s horrible at everything, talks behind her back, says she can’t be in her friend group, then says she’s “joking”.

Whenever something happens to anger the friend, she blames Lena and when she gets punished, she seems to have the mindset of “If I’m going down, Lena is going down with me.”

Lena came to the U.S. with our family when she was nine, so this friend is also very focused on her being foreign and won’t stop talking about her being white for some reason?

From what I know and have seen from this girl coming over sometimes, she finds random things to discriminate people for and also “almost” says the N-word (You “ni.. ninja!) against dark-skinned people or the K-word (“kite” instead of…) against Jewish people to “be funny”.

Lena’s other friend who came over one day also told me that the friend was discriminatory, finding random reasons to insult someone (even them because they’re neurodivergent), and that they were having problems with her.

I’m helping Lena figure it out. Lena doesn’t hang out with this girl for now, but I still gotta rant. Why are people even like this?

no, my girlfriend is NOT responsible for genocide. she is not a terrorist just because her mom happens to be arab.

she was born in POLAND, her father’s country, and then moved to the us at 5. either way, no control over what other governments were doing.

even as a citizen in poland/the us, she was not working for the government, and at 5, was a just a child.

and her speaking arabic with her mother is not because she’s a spy. she’s a normal woman trying to live a normal life.

in fact, my paternal grandmother is from cuba. is everyone from my dad’s/grandma’s side of the family communist now?!