chat

It seems there are technical problems, it won't let me access it.

Oh boy, so honestly I don't blame myself for relapsing under the circumstances I had, but I still put a lot at risk. I burnt the shit out of my throat on some food on Monday. Bad enough that I had to turn down some opiates at the hospital. I have literally been gagging on my own uvula for the whole week, unable to swallow anything but fluids, being in pain from breathing, the full 9.

Well, I tried to do the responsible thing and I bought some over the counter cough syrup. It's a shitty high at low doses, should be fine right? This was not the case. That little taste of cough medicine turned into multiple bottles of cough tablets in one night. If you've ever been on DXM or seen someone on DXM, you know that it's not an easy one to hide. The other people in sober living saw how bad I was doing and had no idea what I was on, so they were worried about having to narcan me. I was technically safe, but it was still unfair to put that stress on them, even if it was unintentional. But up until that point, I've been a really good roommate so everybody was really forgiving. I explained the situation to the house manager and as long as I can pass a drug test in a few days, and I probably should.

As far as other consequences for it goes, I gave myself bromide poisoning in one night of dosing on dextro. A very rare side effect of DXM that only comes with high doses, I have breakouts on my hairline that are literally leaking cough medicine. It's so swollen up there, it hurts to touch at all, but I finally have the energy to get it rinsed out tonight. But all my excretions reek like cough medicine, including the oily residue coming out of my head.

This was extra stupid as I'm on an SSRI, meaning I ignored my own advice on not mixing DXM with ssris because of serotonin syndrome risk. There was a chance that this relapse would have randomly sent me into a painful death and I would have been too fucked up to even call an ambulance if it happened. I was barely able to stand up, drooling and unresponsive to what was happening around me. I got lucky and didn't run into seratonin syndrome, but it was really fucking stupid. I'm lucky I still have a house and a life after this because this easily could have turned sour real quick.

I hate to say it, but I think to most people I probably look like a chud. Anyone who has known me for more than 4 seconds knows I'm not, but I'm afraid I still visibly give off that vibe. I'm a man, or think I'm probably nonbinary tbh, but I still present and appear fully masculine, close to 40, full beard and mostly just wear plain dark t-shirts with no logo and dark jeans. I do have shoulder-length long hair, but so have plenty of chuds I've been acquainted with. I don't have any sense of style and have never tried to learn or care about fashion, but no disrespect to those who do.

I probably shouldn't care, but I hate knowing that when I'm around people they probably think I'm a reddit gamer or worse. Should I try to change my appearance or should I just learn not to give shit? Does anyone else here worry about that?

I'm also going to be getting glasses in the next few days and have to decide on a frame. What should I get to try to minimize chud appearance? I have kind of a squarish face but maybe a bit rounder now as I get older. Do certain kinds of glasses scream redditor or chud? Any advice on what I should go for is welcome.

Edit- Thank you for the advice to everyone who commented I really appreciate it. I am afraid I might have given the wrong impression on some of it so to clarify, I'll just quote one of my responses

I do want to look unassuming. I'm pretty bad with social anxiety and most of the time I just want to go unnoticed. But I worry even that in going unnoticed I'll give off the wrong impression. Chud is an extreme I probably shouldn't have used because I don't think anyone would ever look at me and think gun totin' confederate flag waving chud or wannabe cop or some shit.

The worry is looking more like the aloof redditor, new athiest or even altright leaning brand of chud, or maybe I'm using the word chud wrong. As far as the nonbinary thing, that's a lot to get into, but just as far as dress style, I don't really want to look masculine OR feminine. I used to wear more feminine coded things when I was younger, but these days I feel like the plainer the better. I do have some leftist t-shirts, but I save those for certain occasions or when I'm going to be around certain people, or even trying to do leftist signaling without libs knowing with my All Cats are Beautiful shirt. Most of the time all I wear is a plain dark color with NO messaging at all not even a visible logo. I guess it's less that I want to indicate my politics and more that I don't want to announce the wrong politics when I'm just going about my day.

To be totally honest, I posted mostly because of the glasses I'll be getting and I don't want frames that make me look like Vaush.

"Huh, this article is surprisingly opinionated — not that I actually necessarily disagree with its analysis, not for the most part at least, it just strikes me as unusual for a news site to be this opinionated. Who are these people?"

"...So apparently this site started out as somebody's personal blog? And later became a 'proper' news site? That's neat, I guess, but I'm just getting some bad vibes here..."

"Oh, this site has a COVID-19 tag? Is this going to be like the only COVID-conscious news site in all of Norway? Let's see what these people have to say about COVID..."

[reads the newest COVID articles]

[it's all anti-mask, anti-vax conspiracy brained bullshit]

"...Welp, the article I translated has absolutely nothing to do with any of that nonsense, but I'm still just Not going to post to Hexbear an article from a site that's this reactionary about COVID. I don't want to give them publicity. I don't want these weirdos representing my beliefs about food sovereignty and militarism. I don't care how much effort I put into my translation, I'm just not going to share it."

This has been a lesson in being critical of your sources and being duly skeptical of things even if you already agree with them.

My landlady's pretty much estranged husband came to visit for a couple of days, I think they had legal stuff they needed to talk about. Yesterday they called up to me that they were going out. I heard them get in the car and leave. My landlady's little dog came upstairs to sit with me since he hates being alone.

Shortly after they left, I was watching TV when the dog started acting weird, suddenly sitting up and looking around, then rushed downstairs. I thought maybe he'd heard a cat in the garden or something. But he came back up and sat on the floor again and kept looking around like he could hear something. So I stopped the TV, and then I heard my landlady and her husband's voices coming from what sounded like the back garden. I looked out the window and the car was still gone though. I walked to the back of the house and could hear their voices clearly, I recognise them both, especially since the husband has a very strong accent and deep gravelly smoker voice. It was undeniably them although I couldn't make out exactly what they were saying.

I went downstairs to the back and into the garden. I could still hear them, still not make out what they were saying but they weren't there. The dog could very clearly hear it too and was looking for them and very confused that they weren't there. I gave up and went back upstairs. Some time later they arrived home and I asked if they'd popped back and been in the garden but they said no.

Toxic masculinity is a fuck, the standard of fearlessness and dominance that patriarchy demands you uphold is unattainable, accept and embrace your fear as part of yourself.

Noodlers ink btw.

Doing more writing by hand lately and was looking at some new ink. Now I've got to find other achivist ink cause I'm sure as hell not giving money to someone who dogwhistles about "western civilisation" and brands with that racist's flag from the usa.

Sigh. I just liked the green.

Feel like shit. It was banker phone scam. I havent told my parents yet but I will need to because I opened a loan under their influence and I havent a job yet so they will need to pay for it. Im devastated. But I gotta hunker down now and keep moving forward. Im so ashamed, i cant eat, I cant sleep.

Back on the wagon again, hit 24 hours earlier today. But besides not vaping I just can't believe the heat. I'm naked in my house and I've had the ac on since this morning and it's like once the sun hits around 2 pm the house just cooks, it's so bad.

UGH

And it makes sleeping so miserable too even with the fan on me.

Made the mistake of browsing Reddit at work and I see a thread where OP points out that the google overview lists Napoleon as “king of Italy.” Cue to all the comments calling OP an idiot because “technically he was!” So we’re gonna introduce Napoleon as “king of Italy” now without even mentioning France? Redditors love a technicality.

I have a job interview in about two hours. It's for a seasonal position with my apartment complex, to help with all the students moving in and out. I live in off-campus apartments built for students but can be rented by whomever, as long as you don't have kids, I think.

I desperately need a second job. I am obviously going to take this position if it is offered to me, and I don't see any reason it won't be.

The question comes from this: At the end of the season, in about two months, they offer some of the seasonal people full-time positions. Truth be told, regardless of the general opinions here, I will probably pursue that job pretty aggressively. It should pay better than my current grocery store job, and I believe there may be a discount on rent for full-timers.

In the event I'm offered the job and take it, I would be officially working for a sizeable corporate landlord. I obviously have serious ethical issues with this premise. That said, we do all have to exist within this capitalist hellscape they've created for us, so I don't think me making $16 an hour or something showing people apartments and leases and such really puts me in a position to be morally compromised. But it does put me uncomfortably close to it, in a way.

I don't know. I am not a theory or moral wiz kid like some of my wonderful comrades here. And as I said, this really is more for opinions than actionable advice. I am not in an economic position to be turning down just about anything on moral grounds. I'm not going to be a cop or sell crack (I'd much rather sell crack), but I also can't be high and mighty, turning down good jobs just because I don't like how they make their money. Chances are that will apply to any company I could work for. Hell, my current employer is Publix, a large grocery chain with anti-union and anti-competition practices, who - you guessed it! - also does real estate. I don't know if they do residential or just commercial, though. So I'm fucked no matter what xD

I guess this is just a place to discuss working for employers who you are ethically opposed to, your opinions on the matter, and how you cope.

Wish me luck! Interview is at 1:30pm EST, so in 1.5 hours. I'm pretty confident given this is a seasonal position. The only issue would be a drug test, but I'd only pop for weed and I just haven't been able to afford to get my card renewed (I'm up for the full process, not the re-cert). I'm sure I can navigate that at the time, should I need to.

I’m horrible at explaining myself so I’ll keep it short. It was an emergency protest in response to Palestine action being branded as terrorists. Loved the energy, was handed fruit, and a mask, however some got in and tackled some of the protestors and we crowded around them yelling out shame on you. I only took one photo and nothing else, kept my phone off, kept distance from the police and joined in the chants

thanks for listening lol (context on why I made this https://hexbear.net/post/5347454)

It wouldn't be so bad but I literally need these for work. The metro closes at midnight and Im often working past those hours to cover owl shifts.

I now have to walk everywhere, watch what duty I get because im on the "Extra board", and beg the agency for a ride if they have me work in another yard.

Im angry and sad, mostly sad.

Just sucks wanting to/actually hanging out with someone 1 on 1 and there's silence and I worry they aren't having a good time with me. Then we bring another person in and everyone is talking a lot more and seem more comfortable. Why am I weird alone with people :/ tbh makes me very worried about dating or being in a relationship too. Even in a platonic friendship it makes me feel very anxious about what they think of me and our relationship. Like idk I like you I just don't have much to say but then suddenly do when there's more people?? I don't get it so how is anyone else going to

inb4 autism

I honestly don’t have the words. I’m talking about someone with just over 100K followers who recently discovered that there aren’t many avenues to put an end to this, considering the fact that AI is completely unregulated and probably will continue to be for the foreseeable future.

Personally, I’ve been contemplating making myself perceptible to those online in some form because I’m envious of the people who have done so and enjoyed some sense of community in return, but I think it’s over.

It was 2 AM, I was watching Nathan Fielder on YouTube and then I heard these.. noises, it sounded like someone (or something) was crawling on the walls inside my bathroom, or bøttekott. When I reluctantly went to investigate it became clear to me that the sound was coming from outside the door of my apartment, someone was trying to pick my lock, rattling the handle and stuff.

After minutes of just kinda walking in circles, I got a pair of pants from my pile of unwashed clothes and put them on. I gently knocked on the inside of my door «Hallo?», I heard a frustrated «Ja..», it was a feminine ja. I asked her what she was doing and opened the door, she quickly closed it and shouted «Nei!». I felt guilty, was I not supposed to do that? Maybe she was doing something important like shitting or something idk. I wanted to be respectful of her business so I waited a bit then asked if she was done before I opened the door again. I saw the number above the elevator decrement, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Then I took my pants back off and started writing this shit.

Anyways, that was really scare guys :( :( :( I peed

Post your favorite liberal arts&craft cliches. I'll start with the one I'm partial to.

Without fail, some PMC or boring white guy will rock up with a sign like:

"this is literally the last thing I want to be doing. I am an endless well of lethargy, a monument to near-total apathy. Alas, the incompetence of those in charge has forced even my refined detachment into the streets. So here I stand, spiritually degraded, holding this sign like some kind of activist, a word that, until now, I associated with some kind of transient tempter of the youth. Can we hurry this up? every second spent protesting is a grotesque violation of my sacred right to passive despair, but alas, here we are, because apparently, even my cynicism has limits. Enjoy my grudging presence, you exhausting idealists."

trash shitshow next door.

I have nothing against the woman living with him since I'm an addict myself, but the people that show up over there at like night, idk sketchy shit. The other day I saw someone leaving and it was a carful of people tweaking out and fighting, like actually trading blows, in the car then it speeded off .

My neighbor, the dude, is an old drunk who I honestly think has wet brain and he tries to talk to me whenever I'm outside doing something. In the brief exchanges we've had (since I always pretend I'm busy and can't talk) he's talked about how much he hates "mexicans" and that he's got a raccoon (?) problem, I think? The guy is wildly incoherent since he's always hammered.

ANYWAY, I live in a "good" neighborhood and yet here you go, good honest white people being shitty folks. I'll take those "mexicans" any day over you losers.

Seen on reddit. Someone asked: "What happens after the welfare cuts? I feel this has not been thought through properly. There are currently over 1.6 million people actively looking for work, and around 736,000 jobs available."

Another redditor responded: "*I work in a job centre.

We are openly told by line managers there is no plan. The reforms will mean many people lose out directly (their PIP is cut), but also indirectly (carers of people with PIP are entitled to an additional rate on UC).

The main things we are being trained for is an increase in 6PP situations (suicidal claimants) and additional training on managing those with severe health conditions whilst on UC.

The Work Capability Assessment system is expected to totally collapse immediately after the reforms are implemented due to demand as people denied PIP scramble to get LCWRA classification.

Even the harshest people on my team see it as a disasterous act of cruelty, as someone put it "saying the quiet part out loud."*

What is the government hoping will happen? There aren't enough jobs already. Do they hope everyone just kills themselves? Or turns to crime like mugging and shoplifting?

No wonder the UK is the second most miserable country on earth: https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/nri/latest-updates/uk-is-officially-the-worlds-second-most-miserable-country-these-were-the-happiest-and-unhappiest-countries-of-2023/articleshow/108361220.cms?from=mdr

So I have a large rat on my left arm, elbow to shoulder, and i want to turn it into a half sleeve with a burning city in the background. Grey scale with flame highlights.

But I can't decide what city or what type of buildings. My first thought was generic modern sky scrapers. Now I'm leaning maybe towards symbols of empires throughout the world and history. Like a japanese castle, an Aztec temple , the Parthenon and of course the statue of liberty, not sure what else. Any suggestions for specific buildings or imperial styles?

Well, obviously I'm not currently in receipt of it due to my appeal, but still. When I first started claiming, people were often rude and insulting towards me because of it, but as my illness progressed and I pretty much withdrew from the world, I thought at least I wouldn't have to listen to it any more. But today I'm even getting it at home from my landlady.

She gave her daughter £20K for a house deposit last year. She couldn't afford it, she put it on a credit card, at least most of it. Now she's in debt and complains about it constantly. She sucks up to her daughter and then takes her frustrations out on me. Just now she was on the phone to her daughter, and her daughter was telling her about how she has a holiday planned, after just coming back from abroad, and has just bought a new expensive bike, and been out partying, etc, all kinds of expensive things. And my landlady was cooing "Ooh how lovely!" and acting all nice about it.

As soon as she got off the phone, she started angrily having a go at me, saying when my benefits are reinstated and I've paid off the rent debt that's racking up, she's putting my rent up by 50% as she needs the money. I didn't feel this was fair and said it's not my fault she's in debt, she shouldn't have given her daughter £20K if she couldn't afford it. She started yelling, "She needs a house, and she works for her money! You don't even work for yours!"

And talking about how it's her money anyway as she used to be a taxpayer and my benefits come out of taxes. Well, I used to be a taxpayer too before becoming disabled.

It sounds pathetic but I feel like crying now. I've got no-one to talk to in real life. I haven't spoken to anyone but my horrid landlady, medical staff and delivery drivers in years. It just drives home that everyone from the DWP to the government to the general public thinks I'm undeserving of even the basic necessities of life and a burden to everyone. They act like benefit claimants are living it up, having a wonderful time, when the reality is reassessments on average every 2 years for me, appeals, and having to beg for every little thing.

If it wasn't for this site I would have ended it by now, this is the only place I have for friendship, emotional support and financial help. But even here I have to repost over and over on mutual aid when I need something, wondering if I'll be able to get the things I need. And forget ever having anything just for fun or pleasure, or to make life worthwhile, that's a distant dream. I try to convince myself that I'll get my benefits reinstated and then I'll be able to do the online art course I want to take and join the Order of Druids, but in reality who knows if I'll win my appeal or if I'll even by able to do anything after a 50% rent increase.

I don't understand why they won't just legalise assisted suicide for the disabled, nobody wants us anyway. And I hate those stupid cancer adverts for macmillan and cancer research, showing cancer patients surrounded by caring loved ones, showered with support and given all the help they need. It's not like that at all. At first people are shocked by your diagnosis and sympathetic but as your illness wears on and you get worse people get tired of you and can't be bothered with you any more. The country doesn't want to pay for you, the NHS waiting list is a million years long so your condition ends up worse than it had to be, and everyone treats you like scum because you don't work any more.

And I get blamed for my landlady's debt, just like the disabled in general get blamed for the country's debt. The disabled are accused of bankrupting the country with the benefits bill while MPs give themselves a payrise. I get told my benefits aren't my money anyway and that I'll have to pay more while my landlady almost bankrupted herself by giving her daughter a house deposit and wasting a fortune on horses and her estranged husband's nonsense (don't even get me started on that, it's an absolutely infuriating story.)

The daughter might work for her money but she also has a life, fun, holidays, family and friends. They act like I'm so lucky I get "free money" from other people, but what has that cost me? It's cost my life - I have nothing worthwhile, no fun, no friends, no freedom and nothing to look forward to. And everyone treats me like something they found on the bottom of their shoe - I have no other use to society so I might as well be used as society's punchbag.

I try so hard to find things to live for but at moments like this I wonder why I even bother.

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/5319202

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/5319167

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/5319116

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/5316405

Hello comrades,

Four months ago, I joined this space in search of hope and many of you truly changed our lives. When I first posted about the danger we faced as trans refugees in Gorom Camp, you responded with kindness, care, and solidarity.

But today, on World Refugee Day, that hope was violently shaken.

This morning, the host community and others launched a serious attack. Our shelters were burned down. We fled with nothing. Two of my sisters were injured in the chaos.

We are now in hiding. We’re exhausted. We’re terrified. But we’re still here.

I'm sharing video footage of what happened today not to shock, but because we need you to see our reality.

We need urgent mutual aid to help us relocate to a safer place.

Our mutual aid link will be in the comments.

Thank you for any support donation, share, or boost. 💙🏳️‍⚧️

My paycheck did not deposit. My employer has asked for an additional week to pay me for this week in addition to next weeks wages. He also informed me he will pay me an additional weeks pay if I will stay on. My first phone calls were to the other plumbers at the shop. They didn't get paid either. They intend to sit it out and see what happens. This is their first time dealing with a negligent employer. I know better. The owner of the shop showed up to work this past Monday with another quad cab GMC Sierra Denali, a 90k truck.

My next two phone calls were to the general contractors I am to meet this morning to go over change orders and arrange heavy equipment for excavating, and inform them I am no longer in my current job and they will need to call the (former) office to get it sorted. I do not replace pipes that transfer shit and other human waste for funsies.

Looks like it's a three day weekend instead. Time to get my posting numbers up. Monday I'll be calling other plumbers to see if there's a spot available elsewhere.

Well where has sobriety taken me recently?

At work, I got an item on the upcoming fall menu. My boss ended up putting his own version of the recipe up for it, but my idea still got used, so I thought that was pretty fuckin cool. I'm also now dependable enough to get a fuckton of extra hours. I was already one of the best workers here, even when I was constantly hungover and withdrawaling, but now that I can consistently show up to shifts I'm allowed to work whatever shifts I want to. I'm gonna get overtime for the first time in forever this week

As far as home life goes, being at sober living is still awful, but I got back on the dating apps this past couple weeks and it's going really well. I've just been open about being in recovery and most of the people I talk to just think it's cool that I'm actually working on myself like that. Got some people I'm talking to more casually and a couple that I'm interested in making something happen long term with.

Medically, things are better than ever. I've only had 1 seizure since I've been sober and on seizure meds and I'm being seen by a neurologist now. I also have my appointment to start hormones next month! I can no longer help people with DIY like I used to because sober living, but I'm helping other people get it started up to replace me and that's really cool. Not that it's particularly hard to do, but having someone show you how to do it helps.

How are y'all today? :)