LeylaLove

Oh boy, so honestly I don't blame myself for relapsing under the circumstances I had, but I still put a lot at risk. I burnt the shit out of my throat on some food on Monday. Bad enough that I had to turn down some opiates at the hospital. I have literally been gagging on my own uvula for the whole week, unable to swallow anything but fluids, being in pain from breathing, the full 9.

Well, I tried to do the responsible thing and I bought some over the counter cough syrup. It's a shitty high at low doses, should be fine right? This was not the case. That little taste of cough medicine turned into multiple bottles of cough tablets in one night. If you've ever been on DXM or seen someone on DXM, you know that it's not an easy one to hide. The other people in sober living saw how bad I was doing and had no idea what I was on, so they were worried about having to narcan me. I was technically safe, but it was still unfair to put that stress on them, even if it was unintentional. But up until that point, I've been a really good roommate so everybody was really forgiving. I explained the situation to the house manager and as long as I can pass a drug test in a few days, and I probably should.

As far as other consequences for it goes, I gave myself bromide poisoning in one night of dosing on dextro. A very rare side effect of DXM that only comes with high doses, I have breakouts on my hairline that are literally leaking cough medicine. It's so swollen up there, it hurts to touch at all, but I finally have the energy to get it rinsed out tonight. But all my excretions reek like cough medicine, including the oily residue coming out of my head.

This was extra stupid as I'm on an SSRI, meaning I ignored my own advice on not mixing DXM with ssris because of serotonin syndrome risk. There was a chance that this relapse would have randomly sent me into a painful death and I would have been too fucked up to even call an ambulance if it happened. I was barely able to stand up, drooling and unresponsive to what was happening around me. I got lucky and didn't run into seratonin syndrome, but it was really fucking stupid. I'm lucky I still have a house and a life after this because this easily could have turned sour real quick.

I'm fighting for my life every time I enter one

I have transportation to work the rest of the week, but not today, no public transit was available today. I'm worried about being able to make it to my shift today.

My cash app is $thenewcashtag and my Venmo is @thenewvenven

Well where has sobriety taken me recently?

At work, I got an item on the upcoming fall menu. My boss ended up putting his own version of the recipe up for it, but my idea still got used, so I thought that was pretty fuckin cool. I'm also now dependable enough to get a fuckton of extra hours. I was already one of the best workers here, even when I was constantly hungover and withdrawaling, but now that I can consistently show up to shifts I'm allowed to work whatever shifts I want to. I'm gonna get overtime for the first time in forever this week

As far as home life goes, being at sober living is still awful, but I got back on the dating apps this past couple weeks and it's going really well. I've just been open about being in recovery and most of the people I talk to just think it's cool that I'm actually working on myself like that. Got some people I'm talking to more casually and a couple that I'm interested in making something happen long term with.

Medically, things are better than ever. I've only had 1 seizure since I've been sober and on seizure meds and I'm being seen by a neurologist now. I also have my appointment to start hormones next month! I can no longer help people with DIY like I used to because sober living, but I'm helping other people get it started up to replace me and that's really cool. Not that it's particularly hard to do, but having someone show you how to do it helps.

How are y'all today? :)

Hey, sorry for posting here so often, I just don't know where else to go. I've had to take multiple Ubers this week, which has left me short on the weekly rent. I'm not going to get kicked out, but I have my freedoms restricted heavily, I can't go anywhere but work and AA/NA meetings, I can't even go on a walk to escape my shitty housemates. I need $150, but any amount helps

My cash app is $thenewcashtag and my Venmo is @thenewvenven

So I thought I'd be good financially for the rest of the week, but had another small thing pop up. I got some unspecified virus. I got tested for covid and flu at urgent care and that came back negative, but I'm still feeling like death. I already have Tylenol and Benadryl at home, but I'm running out of the masks I yeeted from urgent care and want to get some guafenesin for the congestion. I'd also need like $5-$10 for gas to put in the sober living van to get to the store.

We have a new person that came into the house this week, so I really want to make sure I keep up on the masking so they don't get sick. The guafenesin is secondary, I really do need the masks though

Cash app is $thenewcashtag and Venmo is @thenewvenven

Medication assisted therapy is something a lot of alcoholics don't know about, and getting on the right meds can really turn shit around. Not sure if I'd wanna post it here or the drugs comm, but asking here so more people see the question

Edit: asking because I've been on a lot of MAT meds and could probably write a half decent guide

Self recorded in the 70s by a man who allegedly died of a weed overdose, this song is fucking fantastic