LeylaLove

Had to move my plasma donation appointment because as always, my high quality roommates forgot to give me a ride. So I got gas that they're going to waste doing shit while I'm not home because they're selfish assholes 🙃 I'm getting a ride from my case manager after outpatient tomorrow, so now I'm guaranteed to have a way there. I'm stocked on rice, but I'm trying to get some frozen vegetables so I can eat something more than rice before my appointment.

Cashapp is $thenewcashtag Venmo is @thenewvencen

Well, paid rent, got groceries, and booked all my rides to work, and got my meds. I literally just need $10 to get to the plasma donation appointments this week and I can use the sober living van for it so that'll save a lot of money.

Cashapp is $thenewcashtag Venmo is @thenewvenven

I picked up an extra shift! This is a lifesaver, since the pharmacy I can actually afford my meds from is up there. The rides to and from work are $8 total, and my anti-psychotic script is ~$8-$10. My Medicaid got turned off, so this would normally be free and a cost I don't have to worry about but now I do. I couldn't sleep until 3am last night because of not having it, I don't know how I'm going to last until Friday night without it.

Cashapp is $thenewcashtag Venmo is @thenewvenven

Well, I got the paycheck from when I had pneumonia and got $100 less than usual this week 🙃 I'm pretty fucked this week. Don't have any extra hours to work this week either so that sucks. I need to get to outpatient, a food bank and a few AA meetings this week (I would just do zoom meetings but the house has an in person meeting requirement). It's gonna cost about $40 because public transit can't take me to outpatient, but at least the Ubers there are cheap-ish.

Cashapp is $thenewcashtag Venmo is @thenewvenven PayPal is sh3lf1sh@gmail.com

Hey! I've been doing pretty well financially recently, I had to send a bunch of money over for rent for sober living this week and got a bunch of back rent paid (got that settled, because my relapse was just on cough medicine they didn't really care). I did fine on budgeting this week, got food and all that, got through my work week transport wise but ended up picking up some extra shifts for the end of the week. I just need money to get to and from, and that'll be about $25 for 3 days as long as public transit is working.

My cash app is $thenewcashtag and my Venmo is @thenewvenven

Oh boy, so honestly I don't blame myself for relapsing under the circumstances I had, but I still put a lot at risk. I burnt the shit out of my throat on some food on Monday. Bad enough that I had to turn down some opiates at the hospital. I have literally been gagging on my own uvula for the whole week, unable to swallow anything but fluids, being in pain from breathing, the full 9.

Well, I tried to do the responsible thing and I bought some over the counter cough syrup. It's a shitty high at low doses, should be fine right? This was not the case. That little taste of cough medicine turned into multiple bottles of cough tablets in one night. If you've ever been on DXM or seen someone on DXM, you know that it's not an easy one to hide. The other people in sober living saw how bad I was doing and had no idea what I was on, so they were worried about having to narcan me. I was technically safe, but it was still unfair to put that stress on them, even if it was unintentional. But up until that point, I've been a really good roommate so everybody was really forgiving. I explained the situation to the house manager and as long as I can pass a drug test in a few days, and I probably should.

As far as other consequences for it goes, I gave myself bromide poisoning in one night of dosing on dextro. A very rare side effect of DXM that only comes with high doses, I have breakouts on my hairline that are literally leaking cough medicine. It's so swollen up there, it hurts to touch at all, but I finally have the energy to get it rinsed out tonight. But all my excretions reek like cough medicine, including the oily residue coming out of my head.

This was extra stupid as I'm on an SSRI, meaning I ignored my own advice on not mixing DXM with ssris because of serotonin syndrome risk. There was a chance that this relapse would have randomly sent me into a painful death and I would have been too fucked up to even call an ambulance if it happened. I was barely able to stand up, drooling and unresponsive to what was happening around me. I got lucky and didn't run into seratonin syndrome, but it was really fucking stupid. I'm lucky I still have a house and a life after this because this easily could have turned sour real quick.

I'm fighting for my life every time I enter one

I have transportation to work the rest of the week, but not today, no public transit was available today. I'm worried about being able to make it to my shift today.

My cash app is $thenewcashtag and my Venmo is @thenewvenven

Well where has sobriety taken me recently?

At work, I got an item on the upcoming fall menu. My boss ended up putting his own version of the recipe up for it, but my idea still got used, so I thought that was pretty fuckin cool. I'm also now dependable enough to get a fuckton of extra hours. I was already one of the best workers here, even when I was constantly hungover and withdrawaling, but now that I can consistently show up to shifts I'm allowed to work whatever shifts I want to. I'm gonna get overtime for the first time in forever this week

As far as home life goes, being at sober living is still awful, but I got back on the dating apps this past couple weeks and it's going really well. I've just been open about being in recovery and most of the people I talk to just think it's cool that I'm actually working on myself like that. Got some people I'm talking to more casually and a couple that I'm interested in making something happen long term with.

Medically, things are better than ever. I've only had 1 seizure since I've been sober and on seizure meds and I'm being seen by a neurologist now. I also have my appointment to start hormones next month! I can no longer help people with DIY like I used to because sober living, but I'm helping other people get it started up to replace me and that's really cool. Not that it's particularly hard to do, but having someone show you how to do it helps.

How are y'all today? :)