Why is he acting like that?

This goose is a double-crested cormorant. When it flies, it looks like its wings are on backwards, which is pretty neat. But it's also a remarkably foul-smelling bird, like worse than a penguin.

Im mostly just typing this out for myself, but I'll gladly read any replies. No promises I'll respond but I'll at least see it cause im fucking constantly online.

Am I depressed? Yes. I work 70 hours a week, and my gas is still gonna get shut off since i don't get paid in time to meet the minimum. I cancelled a date tonight because the idea of having to have 1 on 1 time, even with guaranteed sex, fills me with anxiety and get my heart racing in a bad way. I don't even feel like touching my partner anymore. It feels too much like an expectation to me, something I just kinda do to make them happy. I used to have a high drive, but it seems to have just disappeared over the last few months like a switch was flipped. No change in my brain meds (Lexapro and lamotrigine), hopefully seeing my psych next week.

I have no desire to do anything these days, and everything seems like way more of a chore than it should. By "these days" I mean as far back as my ADHD ass brain can clearly remember. So less than a year but more than 6 months.

I don't know what else to say here so I'm gonna end the post. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk, don't forget to like and subscribe.

Yo

Fuck me. I’ve been making my payments, it’s literally 6 months from being paid off. I called all the towing companies nearby and nothing. Now I’m gonna have to deal with cops and insurance and AAAAAAAA.

Has anyone had this happen before? Like does insurance normally pay for a rental?

I just wanted to vent

E30 325i has a really nice body for that. E12 is also quite nice, so is the E21. I also love the Datsun Sunny and Bluebird - both of them look so damn good. Audi Quattro, Renault 5 Turbo, and the Toyota Corolla TE27.

And let's not even go into the Dakar rally cars. Those suspensions, and their monstrous ground clearance looks so damn good. Reminds me of RSQ e-tron. And the Fiat 131 Abarth, another rare beauty...

Pimped consumer cars are so lovely, right?

I need to talk

I get so embarrassed talking about this kink sometimes

This goose is an ʻiʻiwi. They're supposed to be symbolic of Hawaii, but in my experience the most common bird on Hawaii is the invasive coqui frog.

Fuck you ill beat you off

I had a short conversation with a friend and we discussed whether the President of the United States or the Prime Minister of Canada had more power in their respective countries.

They just ruled Biden can kill a man.

(In retrospect I'm frustrated with the limited nationalistic framing our conversation had).

He's guaranteed to lose now. I can't see a universe where the mental gymnastics add up to deciding that this is a good idea. Don't get me wrong, it'd be funny as hell. But I'm really not looking forward to the idea of more Trump.

I'm vibing hard watching the river. Anyone got good vibes to contribute? Or music suggestions?

Edit: hammock vibes

My job tends to push me well beyond 8 hour days & 5 day weeks. I feel like my job requires a ton of emotional labour, and I find that super draining. Normally when I'm working, I'm falling behind in sleep and self-care. If I have free time, often times I need to just chill out and rest. I tend to put something pointless on YouTube or Netflix just to relax.

When I have some time off, my body stops screaming to slow down. I catch up with sleep and exercise. I can read as much as I want to. I touch base with old friends who I haven't talked to in a while. I can do much more IRL activism. Basically, I become the person I wish that I was normally.

God I wish I had some passive income coming in so this could be my life. Everyday would be a vacation. I'd probably go to the office and waste my employees time with meetings so I'd feel like I was doing something. I'd go to a Global South country, pretend I'm volunteering, and meet other trust fund kids who think they're making a difference. If I had enough capital, I'd found some NGO that makes freedom maps, and the DPRK would get a very sinister colour. I could go to cocktail parties and brag about how my NGO is making a difference. That it's all funded by the exploited labour of my workers is easily forgotten after 3 martinis.

Looking back at the past, I can't see any path that I would become a capitalist, as there was no chance of me getting capital, except becoming an especially evil sort of grifter. Maybe I'd be a very different sort of person if my parents left me a 5 million nest egg.

This goose is a weka. It's a brown flightless bird native to New Zealand, but not related to kiwis.

Soo me and my friend were out yesterday in an urban park, walking along a path, and we encountered 21 dollars in cash and eyeglasses sitting on a bench. He wanted to take the cash and keep walking (we are both very broke rn and could use the money) but I convinced him to leave it cuz it felt wrong to me. It would really suck if I left that somewhere and came back and it was gone...

We talked for a while about it afterwards, which seemed to get a little heated, and basically: my position was that most working people are struggling with money more than ever and I don't wanna make someone's situation or day worse by taking some of their money they left behind. His position was that he doesn't have a lot of money and taking it would have helped.

Idk... would you have taken the money? Probably the better thing to do than anything would be to see if the person who left it was still around but... idk why we didn't do that. Also tbh I wouldn't be surprised if they were quite close (popular park) and they were just watching this unfold lol

Also the next person walking along maybe would have just taken it anyway lol

The only laptop I had broke down.

it is <30' from the coop, in a spot where the birds all love to forage and have dust baths

it's also about 6' away from where they were when they attacked me two years ago 😔 I am scared to be outside again, thank you, PTSD. I was doing so well, and it's not even supposed to top 80° today so I had big plans to do a bunch of work out there, and now I'm cowering in my house.

the entire reason we got ~~the guineas~~ these fuckers was to help with bugs generally but keep hornet nests away from the house specifically

contemplating some incredibly foolish shit, like trying to get an open bag of treats over there by the hole so the guineas will congregate - maybe I can use a fishing pole to drop it over there or something, idfk

even after we get rid of this nest, idk what I'm going to do. be afraid all summer again, I guess 🫠

This is what happens when you touch grass. Never Log Off.

I think there's a lot of cultural motivation to be some kind of great person - be it because of the great man theory of history or the economic glorification of the captains of industry. However, as communists, our theories of history and economics don't have any love lost for this analysis of the world. We recognize that without labor, not a single gear would turn. So, in my mind, success as a society doesn't rely on the prophetic vision of someone unbound by the constraints of societal pressures, but by iterative improvements and experiments put forward by groups of people who could stand to be liberated from under the economic heel of serving treats and proliferating the MIC. In this paradigm, the person who does push forward the big discovery/gadget is congratulated and venerated, but the cultural zeitgeist shouldn't be centered around that moment of discovery, but instead around highlighting the group and their efforts. Think of watching a Summoning Salt video instead of just the WR speedrun. If I can characterize my desire as wanting to be part of a culture that celebrates the collaborative more than wanting to be exalted as the person who accomplishes something, I can say that I don't "lack motivation" because I don't yearn to be celebrated.

I also struggle to see myself in chosen ones - I don't write the MCs of my novels as inherently special, but rather people who have to rise to the occasion. I hear that media that depicts hordes of zombies (post-apocalyptic has never resonated with me) springs from the same core philosophy. I would much rather hear about someone who is weird because they had to panic and push through a crowd of normal people than someone who is normal who had to run their truck through a horde of zombies. When I think of what I want for myself, the conversation is never to cultivate what makes me special to live up to my potential, it's always about doing something cool because the opportunity exists for those who would take it.

For example, with my black belt coming up in BJJ (in likely <year), I find a lot of joy in reflecting about how I took detours to learn about striking, wrestling, and judo while I've never had a genuine interest in my tournament results which have, as a result, been lackluster. For me, I grew up hearing people say that nobody's cut from a different cloth and how "you're a fucking sick (oops, can't show that word on a Christian forum) if you want to be." I went into BJJ because I wanted to believe that anyone could walk in off the street and, with the proper attitude, opportunity, will, and work become a black belt. I don't know that it ever crossed my mind that among the public, I was specially engineered to get that belt because of some characteristic about myself. On the contrary, my enormous gag reflex, gentle demeanor, and sensitive skin would imply that I am particularly imperfect for BJJ. Sometimes it's hard to go into a group of practicing MMA athletes as a weekly manga reader with no competitive ambition and believe "yep, I can hang with you shirtless people with tattoos and muscles!" even if I was invited by the coach. I think in my darkest moments I worried that inherent characteristics about myself made me too bad of a person to be able to accomplish the goal or that my accomplishments would be given out of pity. Even then, when it came to digging myself out of that hole, the act of showing up and being part of that community and touching ~~grass~~ mat helped bring me out of that funk when people showed me love instead of hating me for being me.

So, I guess sometimes I feel like I'm missing some fire or edge because I'm not striving to stand out. I do have accomplishments that stand out - I don't like to list them in public because it feels boastful. But if we just look at BJJ - while it's hard to get accurate data, a safe assumption is that <1% of people who walk in the door to do BJJ make it to brown belt. If the exclusivity were the goal, I feel like I should feel some other emotion about it. That maybe I should lean into it and make it into some complex about what a precise and superior fighter I am. I earnestly, when I'm being honest and sincere, don't toil in the hopes of being more than someone else. Deep down in there I'm hoping that an attractive person I'm attracted to goes "oh you really like that thing that I like too! Let's talk about it for hours" and magically I like talking to them for hours. Likewise, being really helpful and working on my own terms has 1,000,000x more resonance to me than being really rich (marble countertops, consuming luxury slop, having exclusive seating/priority, etc.). But with a resume of cool shit that I've done it's like shouldn't I want to pursue something until it's amazing? Shouldn't I be one track minded towards a goal? I seem to be floating listlessly and a goal might shake that up. Am I just coping?

Do you feel the same way? Without great man theory, imperial core chauvinism, and ~~unenlightened~~ non-liberating education do you still strive to be special and stand out? Do you want to be outstanding - the person who finally discovers and invents the thing? Do you have any guidance for me?

The failing lemmy ml mods blocked my access to a comm. Not anymore folks.

Now I can resume my russian bot activity on hexbear to sabotage Hillary's election again.

Just makes me sad bro.

This goose is a Eurasian penduline tit. Check out that sweet little Zoro mask.

it was, of course, the classic situation:

"All I need is for you to bring your truck! I'll have everything ready when you get here!"

😂 this has never once been true in two decades of helping people move, so when I volunteer to help "just move the mattress and table" I'm ready to pack shit up and clean too

really worried about this friend tbqh, kinda got some hints that there are very serious substance abuse issues happening

idk what to do except just try to be there when he needs us and keep trying to proactively check on him

In the process of dechudifying and delibifying what I see online, this was a crucial step. A black non-binary transfem can only take so much.