After my mom died this lady swore up and down that she would always be there for me, to help me, so I took her up on her word and asked her for help, NUMEROUS times now, and each time she said no and had an excuse.

It got to the point where I was so fed up with her and her two-facedness that I stopped using facebook and unfriended her thinking maybe she'd get the hint, but no she didn't, the last time I saw her in public she acted like nothing had happened and she was like "sooooooo happy" to see me! :)

So I tried one more time today to see if maybe things had changed with her and, what do you know, she said no, again.

I started on the process of permanently deleting my facebook. It takes 30 days so long as I don't log back in. I'm also never speaking to her again whenever I see her.

Manipulative toxic fucker, fuck her.

Back on my bullshit, quitting, again. This time I called my 1-800 quit line and ordered the patch to help. But it's so ass backwards their shipping is 7-14 days usps. So with that logic by the time I get the patch the cravings will have stopped since they normally subside by day 4 or 5, fucking stupid.

I'm in a bad mood and want a smoke.

*edit: wow I'm really in a bad fucking mood, like I want to fight someone. Being sober fucking sucks.

Just got done with exams. Pray for me. Ain't done this much in a long time

So last week I broke my wrist. I naively thought work would cover my wages because I am full-time, have full benefits, and work for a fortune whatever company. It's a fucking grocery store.

Turns out I have to submit a form to get paid. No one told me this, so I did not get paid today. I was going to be late on rent because I don't make enough, but now I don't think I can make rent at all. I'm so close to just getting in contact with some travelers I know and checking out. I gave it a go right? But I don't want to. I want to live a quiet life with a little apartment, no kids. Just let me have a studio and a fulfilling job.

I take a lot of pride in my work. It's simple. I'm a produce clerk. But I work for a big company, and they do as they do. Nothing is good enough. Nothing we do is good enough. So my pride is gone. I come in, work, go home. I do not care. I wanted to be management. No way in hell.

I'm exhausted, comrades. I don't know what to do.

Well, at this point, I don't even know what to learn for getting an entry level CS job...so C is it. Reached chapter 17 of K.N.King's C99, maybe read a little bit of C2x and C2y specifications, then I'll probably start reading John Calcote's Autotools and then metalanguage99. And I bet they won't help me for my early career in any way or form.

Lmao this information hurts. it was a synanon cult.

I owe them a painful, chronic condition.

My favorite thing to do in the fall is carve pumpkins and roast up the seeds. The pups have Halloween bow ties on now. I WOULD say I'm doing 31 horror movies in October, but jfc I watch so many horror movies anyways that its not worth keeping track of.

How do you celebrate?

The HR thing I posted about never went away and I got fired today. Already applied for unemployment so at least I'll now get paid while I search for another shitty job and I won't be spending $300 a month on gas just to get to work.

It's kind of a relief in a way. This job was a major source of stress for me and it's not like I'm the only person they've fired recently. They've been letting people go left and right, getting rid of long-time veterans to cut down on wage costs I suppose, so I'll just take the L, chill the rest of the day, and try to get some things done around the house.

https://www.nature.com/articles/438406b

This is from 2005

China claims to be well on the way towards vaccinating every domestic bird in the country against avian flu. The bold scheme — which would mean inoculating some 14 billion birds — was announced on 15 November and comes in response to outbreaks that animal-health officials say are dangerously widespread. On 16 November, China confirmed its first two human cases of bird flu, one of which was fatal.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8327827/

A new strain developed in 2013 and was essentially eradicated by developing a new vaccine for the birds.

Why aren't we doing so in the US??? We have an effective vaccine!

https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/24155545/bird-flu-vaccines-h5n1-avian-flu-cows

However, despite seemingly having an effective vaccine in hand, as of late April, the USDA is still not pursuing bird flu vaccination as a disease control strategy. “While USDA is exploring the possibility of developing a poultry H5N1 vaccine to stock and use in an emergency, we are not moving forward with a HPAI vaccination program at this time,”

The biggest sticking point is around trade. The US exported more than $5 billion in poultry meat and products on average every year for the past three years. The USDA enters into trade agreements with each individual country it trades with, explained Upali Galketi Aratchilage, a senior economist at the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations. Each agreement outlines specific biosafety and production requirements that both countries agree to follow. The USDA said, in an email to Vox, that many of those agreements do not allow bird flu vaccination.

Every single bird that is infected gives the virus another million chances to mutate into something 100x worse than COVID. And we are not doing it because of the fucking cost to GDP.

I'm looking for specific and non obvious answers. Give me something visceral, rid the world of a figure or nation you hate. Preserve a culture you adore. It doesn't have to make sense either, you are basically god here.

What I mean is don't just say you'd get rid of imperialism or colonialism bc no shit

Personally I would make it so that the Americas are never discovered by the old world and every would be conquistador (especially cortez and pizarro) explodes.

[Self doxx] [Semi Rant]

Over the last few days I’ve seen my hometown get completely rattfucked over but have seen some beauty in the process.

Before Friday it was unthinkable that this amount of damage could happen here. We are hundreds of miles from the coast and supposed to be a ,,climate haven” but nevertheless half the town is underwater. And we’re the lucky ones — nearby towns like chiminy rock are completely gone, off the map. I can’t comprehend the destruction that I have borne witness to the past few days. Again, I can’t stress how unthinkable something like this in Asheville is.

On Thursday it started raining hard and most everything shut down, this continued through Friday morning. When it finally stopped I was able to see the height of the river, and words can’t express how scarily magnificent it was. I saw houses being washed away, the entire river arts district underwater and water half a mile up from where it normally is. Now, as it’s started to go down, we’ve been able to see some of the damage. It will be decades before things will be as they were.

Up until Sunday afternoon there was only one open road in or out of the county. Over a quarter of roads within the county are flooded or impassable.

Almost everywhere is out of gas too and we’re not sure when more is getting in.

Almost the whole town lost power, cell service and water Friday morning. They have had internet at a few different points (like the fire dept) and cell service is just now starting to come back on. Power is spotty, depending on whether there’s a tree down on your street.

The water situation is the true concern: Personally, I had plenty of drinking water stored but others aren’t as lucky. I am now getting extremely worried about my supply of water, because I only have a couple flushes of the toilet left . Again, I’m lucky that I’m only worried about flushing water and not drinking water.

It is likely that they won’t have the water back on for 2-6 weeks. The treatment facility has flooded and it’s still unreachable to diagnose the problem. Shit genuinely may get extremely ugly before then. In the daily media briefings, they’ve been saying that shipments of food and water would be here soon, but they’ve been saying soon for 3 days now. People are running out of water for flushing toilets, and no one’s showered in days. It’s getting to be a public sanitation worry. Depending on what I hear tomorrow morning, I may take up an offer from a friend to leave town. (I am so lucky that I can do so, many cannot.)

There is much more I could talk about, such as how other communities have been absolutely wiped off the map, how bad I want a shower, or some of the places that have been destroyed. This kind of climate disaster is something you truly can’t comprehend until you’ve lived it. The climate crisis is a series of videos you see online until you’re the one filming the videos yourself.

However there is a bit of a silver lining to me. This is the first time I feel like I’ve seen real community here. Whether it’s pushing a dead car, clearing a tree or sharing food I’ve never seen people help each other out in this way. Additionally, I have NEVER seen so many people outside walking around and talking with their neighbors. It’s insane how the moment trees block cars from neighborhoods, everyone is immediately in the streets creating third spaces. A few nights ago, some neighbors setup a movie night in the street (between two fallen trees and with a generator) and upwards of 50 people turned up to watch. When the gas lines started getting too long and people started yelling, random strangers came into the street to direct traffic for HOURS.

I see people helping people and it makes me happy.

~I’m not gonna proofread this cuz I’m too tired, my extremely lucky and privileged ass just want to dump some thoughts, maybe I’ll edit with some resources to donate or whatever in the morning. I’m not worried about doxxing myself because I was about to delete this account for a new one anyway.~

Update: It’s still seeming like it’ll get worse before it gets better so I’m going to leave town with a friend. It hurts because I feel like I’m abandoning my community but I also think it’s the right thing to do.

Much like a lot of Gen X, some of the older Millennials in my life (particularly the white working professionals) are parroting the age old mantra of "I don't care about passing my skills on to the younger generations or helping those in need, no one ever helped me in my life.". My response is always "That's not a good thing!" because I never know what to say. Debate is not my strength.

My working class grandparents were never like this. They lived through the great depression and two wars and never wanted anyone to suffer as much as they did. I miss them and their kindness dearly. It's only from boomers and younger that I've seen this attitude. Capitalism is crushing our instincts as a social species. If we can't stand on the shoulders of giants... well then we will stop advancing as a species. We will stagnate and go extinct because the challenges we face now need all of us. It goes against everything that is human to be this alienated and antagonistic to one another. Particularly frightening is the hatred and contempt modern society has towards children.

This is not going to end well.

I appreciate all the people here, whether you're 20 or 60, for not becoming the thing that hurt you. We need people with a soul more than ever.

I feel vindicated. What I have now in my possession took me 8 fucking years to get. It's not the typical shit that you hear from people who claim to be Gangstalked (EG: People are making hand signals at me, there's a lot of red cars around me, etc.) 2.5 hours of pure unadulterated abuse. The kind of shit you'd hear said in a blacksite. Going through it again to verify that I'm not just hearing things was especially hard, but I finally have it. It's absolutely pure arrogance on their part as well because they dug around in my backpack for my voice recorder and acknowledged that there's "a lot of evidence on there", and then kept abusing me.

8 years of my life people called me crazy because I gave up on trying to gather evidence for the longest time. Now I have it. I don't really want to say too much more because I am going to have to start legal proceedings soon, but I just wanted to let you know about one of the small victories that fell into my lap.

Saw this today at my local library, they were having a fun little propaganda session. Wish there was a way to stop this shit.

I was able to pickup the sixth Wheel of Time book, which I guess was nice.

u galz R great

are the pizza muffins ready?

Couple months ago I met a woman who works at a dispensary I visit about once a week. We hit it off really well. Despite trying to just keep it casual sex, and that only, I ended up developing some feelings for her. She confessed the same to me. I even introduced her to my teenaged daughter, for fucks sake.

I ran into her this evening at a gas station, with another guy, who turns out to be her husband. They’ve been married five years, and have two children together, ages 4 and 2. Finding out they have kids just made me feel disgusting.

So, I told him. He didnt believe me until I described a tattoo in a somewhat intimate place on her body. I had no fucking clue she was married. I think I ruined someone’s marriage. Or at least took part in ruining one.

I feel guilty. I am sorry for what I participated in. Am I a bad person?

Love to see a bunch of shit I'm not qualified for and then a bunch of things that don't begin to cover my expenses and feel bad about myself and my circumstances and cry and eventually put one application for a custodian position with the county because what the fuck else will I do

I know if I went back to school and finished a degree it would give me a leg up but I just can't fucking handle the workload of work and school anymore, I feel like such a lazy piece of shit but I just don't have it in me anymore to keep this shit up

Dealing with a lot of dark thoughts today. Very dark.

Have the house to myself for a while and no reason to leave.

I will not be constrained bourgeois expectations, I will live a pants free life! (at least until i have to go buy groceries) Rise up and throw off the oppression of cloth!

if you didn't have one, please feel free to invent what you think would have happened/what you would like to have happened

Long story short he's back at me again because I asked him for $5 so I could grab smokes, even though I lied and said it was to buy a coffee (fuck him). Laid into me about how I suck and I'm a parasite.

Like I said in the title it puts my self-esteem in the dumps because I can't just move away and tell him to eat shit and die and never speak to him again. I'm beholden to this fucking monster that hates me.

And the funny part is I had a plan to quit smoking this weekend now I'm saying fuck it to that because what's the point?

Because I think that it has been appropriated. Bandhani is a traditional tie-dye technique, with deep cultural and historial significance for the Rajasthani, even extending to Sindhi and Marwari sub-groups in the west of India and east of Pakistan - who comprise of nomadic and semi-nomadic artisans.

The word 'bandhan/bandhana' can have several meanings depending on the context - knot, relation(ship), or kerchief - they're all related to each other, in the sense that this piece of clothing signifies relationship, and can be tied to the end of one's cloth - just in the same way you can "build" a "building" in English, if that makes sense. One of the most identifiable parts of the bandhani is the parsely and floral pattern, as well as the use of non-pastel, dark dyes.

Now, I am neither a Rajasthani, nor from the north-western parts of India or eastern part of Pakistan, so it should be obvious that I don't know much about them. Maybe some information over here is not true - and I'd appreciate correction. Personally, I feel like it is an extreme case of cultural appropriation in the sense that:

• the culture behind it has been erased, or people don't bother doing enough basic research behind them

• it has been commodified and mass-produced as a fashion trend, which is disrespectful to the people, and has harmed their livelihood severely

• the patterns have a deep cultural, religious and social significance, so do the colors, and using them trivially again erases the original meaning behind them

The bandana culture (at least from my stereotype of American media) has been stolen collectively on different occasions by multiple subcultures - the hippies, the bikers, white supremacists, cowboys, gang members, black rights activists and even antifa/anarchists members, shifting the original symbolism from that of familial collectivism to something that is representative of rejection of government authority.

Unfortunately, as a very vulnerable group, they don't have the voice to raise against this injustice, because obviously when basic needs are not met, people tend to ignore the erasure of their own identity and culture, and try to survive with what they can. The place that they live in is the antipode to the American continent, and obviously, that region does not receive a lot of attention, as opposed to western cities.