26

1

What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by the_tech_beast@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

spoiler

Guardians of the Galaxy.

27

0

I was a Flat Earther for 3 years (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

3 comments fedilink

Then I turned 4.

28

1

I got arrested for putting two different metals in a saline solution. (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by HiddenLayer5@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

Got charged with a salt and battery.

29

1

I finally got some probiotics (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by HiddenLayer5@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

These amateurbiotics in my stomach just aren't cutting it.

30

1

My new year's resolution is... (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

Still 2K.

31

1

Reality is pretty much only in your imagination... (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by AlexandrosTsolis@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

Player: I dunno...reality is pretty much only in your imagination

No one: and what is there in reality, your poor imagination?

https://youtu.be/KFrv57zoPq0

32

0

What do you call a cow with no legs? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by the_tech_beast@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

spoiler

Ground Beef

33

1

Instead of going on a diet, try buying British weight loss pills! (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by HiddenLayer5@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

They'll get rid of your pounds one way or another!

34

1

Help! I'm trapped in a French bakery! (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 years ago by HiddenLayer5@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

There is so much pain!

35

1

Binary or not... you're still binary. (i.redd.it)

submitted 3 years ago by roastpotatothief@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

From https://www.reddit.com/r/technicallythetruth/comments/pb8thl/binary_or_not_youre_still_binary/.compact

36

1

"Hey, you're the developer I hired, right? Are we ready to build the apartment complex on my land?" (lemmy.ml)

submitted 3 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

"No, but I just finished the sick website for it!"

37

1

It's too late to make Suez Canal jokes. (lemmy.ml)

submitted 3 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

That ship has sailed.

38

1

Don't get involved in organized insect crimes. (lemmy.ml)

submitted 3 years ago by HiddenLayer5@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

The mothia is ruthless.

39

1

People ask me how I feel about having never caught a heron (lemmy.ml)

submitted 3 years ago by HiddenLayer5@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

I tell them, "I have no egrets."

40

1

What's the most mediocre leftist ideology? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 3 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

So-solism

41

1

What trigonometric function is the most comfortable? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

cos y

42

1

What type of bread stores data? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

NAAND

43

1

I overdosed on limits from my math textbook. (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

Now I have to go to L'Hôpital.

44

1

I bought a book all about the rate of change of different graphs. (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

1/10, too derivative.

45

1

What do you call an oxidizing chemical who's also an idiot? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

An oxymoron.

46

1

Did you hear about the TV show about turning computers off and on again? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

It's getting a reboot.

47

1

What's a geometry mathematician's favorite mode of transport? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

A plane.

48

1

What do you get when you mess up functional programming? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

Dysfunctional programming.

49

1

What part of corn controls all the other parts? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

The kernel.

50

1

I was attacked by a machine code wizard. (lemmy.ml)

submitted 4 years ago by AgreeableLandscape@lemmy.ml to c/jokes@lemmy.ml

0 comments fedilink

He hexed me.

Jokes!

543 readers

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This is a place to post jokes. Whether they are "dad jokes", puns or another form of text-based comedy!

Rules:

Pure text posts are preferred.
No "memes". Jokes should be text-based.
With the exception of one-liners, the punchline should be in the post and not the title.
No NSFW content.
Jokes must be in good taste. No hate speech, bigotry, etc.

founded 4 years ago

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