Asking for my dad

Every.single.time.

Every time after I wake up from blacking out drunk, someone keeps pissing all over my crotch.

It's fucked up bc I know it's not me. I'm potty trained, I don't piss on myself as I can control it.

Obviously I don't wake up with shit in my pants either because I can control that too.

So how do i find out who keeps doing this ?

Not in a logical sense, but in an ethical sense so to speak

I'm 36 btw

Asking for a friend.

I picked up a sandwich. and went to the checkout area.

I said to the security person: Can I walk out with this sandwich, right now?

He said: after you pay.

I said: Can I walk out without paying?

He said: you don't have money on you?

I said I don't have money.

He said: well, you can't take the sandwich out without paying. You can walk out, and leave the sandwich with me.

I said: what if I walk out right now with the sandwich without paying.

he said: you can't.

I said: can I eat it here now, before going out?

he said no.

.....

I want to fast this conversation. I asked a next similar store: Can you call the police. I am stealing this sandwich.

But then they ask "why?"

Sometimes when I just escalate to action, I get away, and the police no called!? Especially these grocery security guards, they don't have vest or tasers!?