I'm a little disappointed at myself, to be honest. I was supposed to have a hematologist appointment on Wednesday, but I rescheduled it for early next month. For the last few years, I've been fighting to get my chronic fatigued treated because its generating a whole tree of issues (its preventing me from progressing my life forward, I'm pretty sure its the cause of my depression, etc) - however no one has been able to figure it out because no one actually wants to take an in-depth look as to what it might be. They just run a simple CBC on my blood and say "Nope, looks all fine".

Well, to be quite frank, I'm just not ready to organize leaving the house on Wednesday (I don't have a car, so I have to get transportation scheduled from my insurance company) and expend all that energy, just to then be disappointed when the hematologist is 99% likely to say "There's nothing wrong that I can see", then I have to organize a trip to actually get back home. It turns what is a 15 minute appointment into a whole 3-4 hour ordeal. They don't offer telehealth appointments, sadly, or else I wouldn't mind at least talking to the doctor.

I only pushed it back a little bit till early next month, but I'm just not ready for the disappointment this week, it was causing me a ton of anxiety just even thinking about it over the weekend.

I know that I shouldn't be disappointed in myself because at the end of the day its my choice and that I shouldn't feel ashamed for it, but that doesn't change the fact that its how I feel regardless - so in reality, I traded anxiety for more grief and disappointment in myself rather than disappointment in the doctors.