Hi folks, I thought I'd create some content and share some experience and learning around any concerns I had about being childfree in my first 10 years after my tubal. I hope this can help those that are at this stage now.
I will say that 35 years after my tubal, I realized in retrospect, somewhere during that time, that I knew in my teens I didn't want kids. I did go through a period, soon after my tubal at 24, of about 10 years where a lot of my friends tried to pressure me into either spending a ton of time with their kids or even adopt, where I wondered if I really wanted kids cuz I liked babies under 6 months of age. It wasn't until I got close to someone and her newborn, where I spent plenty of time with her kid over the next 3 years and she was TOTALLY accepting of my decision and NEVER pushed an agenda. I finally realized I truly lost interest in the kid after about 6 months of age and knew I wasn't interested, not because I was pushing back against acquaintances who were pushing their own agenda in opposition to mine, but because I JUST LOST INTEREST. It took a good, secure in their parenthood, friend to let me understand there was zero interest on my part.
As it turns out what I like about babies was the oxytocin hit from carrying them around, which I learned I could get from cats and small dogs, of which I have 2 now, and they stay small forever instead of just 6 months!
Thanks for sharing your story! In the spirit of creating content, I have a similarly opposite story.
I was raised Mormon, for those that don’t know, having a large family is a given. In my early 20’s I left all religion behind and began to create a life I wanted rather than one expected. I was a mess trying to establish my own morals, values, and goals.
At the same time of all this, I started dating a girl who had left Mormonism many years earlier. She was also childfree. Living with her, she provided the best environment for me to discover the life I wanted. She was my rock when I had no one else, literally. She was patient, understanding, and provided a much needed perspective from having a similar history. We dated for several years as I slowly deprogrammed and came into my own.
Coming back to the point of all this- a big struggle was trying to figure out whether I wanted kids, I was programmed to want kids, or didn’t want kids at all. This is a life changing decision after all. In the end, I realized I wanted kids because I wanted kids. The girl I was dating was supportive but with our incompatible lifestyles, we parted ways and remain good friends.
As for today, I married someone else (who also escaped Mormonism!) and have 3 kids. Because of the support I had, I now have the confidence to trust in myself and a healthy foundation to further understand myself as life changes.
This does my heart good to hear about supportive loving judgement free people out there!