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We can't be friends.
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this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2024
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Generally speaking, I've found people who issue incredibly hot takes on trans rights when its just an abstract issue come around when they actually start meeting and getting to know trans people.
My wife's uncle took a near-180 position on trans rights after his now-son transitioned. He'd gone on these little grumpy talk-radio fueled rants ten years ago. Now - if he still feels that way - he mostly just keeps that shit to himself. Occasionally he says something genuinely supportive or at least passively benign, to the effect of "I don't see why its such a big deal, people need to just let each other live their lives peacefully."
I also gotta say, these ideas don't crop up ex nihilo. When someone disagrees with basic human rights, its often an idea that was planted by some kind of right-wing propaganda channel. Sports Radio is a constant vector for the worst possible opinions from the sleaziest imaginable people. The AM Talk shit that gets blared across every major city is pure brain-cancer. And YouTube's algorithms are filled to burst with the smarmiest bigots on the internet, getting front-paged thanks to thick walleted bigots with an ideological incentive to propagate this crap. If this wasn't constantly in the air, attitudes towards trans people would immediately improve.
Some folks are legit blackpilled on trans rights. But when its immediate friends and family, I've found they're a lot more flexible and tolerant towards people they know than some vague fuzzy abstracted-away trans person. Once they realize what they're listening to and turn that shit off, their positions improve dramatically.
Yeah idk. I cut off my parents because they continued to support trump and refused to use my preferred name after I came out to them. They gave me some bullshit about how "respect goes both ways" and that I have to "honor" them by allowing them to use my original name, but obviously that doesn't fly when 1) the name they gave me is exclusively masculine and 2) the name is literally the religion they follow which I hate. All while telling me they want me to go back to church / seek god as if that will somehow help with my gender dysphoria, despite knowing the truth that all they'll try to do is convert me back to being cis. I was hoping they'd come around, but I'm also not at all surprised they didn't because they've been stuck in their stupid backwards thinking for so long.
"For us to respect how you want to life your life. You have to respect how we want you to live your life."
This is what they're actually saying, and yes its bullshit. If those are the rules they live by, then you should also be able to tell them how they live their lives, which I'm sure they'd balk at immediately.
"If you don't respect my authority, I won't respect your humanity."
Its worse: Respecting parent's authority prevents recognition of the adult offspring's humanity.
Going to take a wild guess at that name. But ffs, they could at least aim for a compromise at "Christine" or something. Assholes.
It's a hard psychological transition and far easier to retreat into conservative social norms. I hope they come around with time, if for no other reason than as you become more feminine its going to be weirder and weirder to keep introducing you as a boy. But yeah, fascist religious leaders can be twice as toxic as any cable news talking head, if for no other reason than they will look you in the eye and shake your hand as they put poison in your ear.
My brother-in-law is completely off the deep end thanks to his Catholic pastor going full MAGA. No idea what to do with him except tune him out and keep an open line exclusively with my nieces, who are still very cute and chill despite him.
Right, but I wanted a completely fresh name as I didn't want any ties to that religion at all (Christine still has "christ" in it)
Well, unfortunately for them they won't be seeing me anymore since I cut them off. They named all of their children (4 others) with some reference to the religion and I guess they're super offended that I don't want to use that name at all.
That's really a shame. I know there are some accepting religious people but they seem to be very few and far between.
Using someone's preferred name is just basic respect. It blows my mind the level of power-tripping that some parents get into.
Their loss. I hope you have a wonderful and supportive chosen family.
Thanks, I appreciate it. Thankfully I have an extremely supportive and loving wife, and ironically her family is somehow accepting of me despite also being trump supporters... Sigh.
I'm still working on growing my chosen family, but I have a very kind neighbor who is accepting of me as well who is becoming somewhat of a father figure for me, so I guess that kinda works.
Exercising your sovereignty is the way. You do you.
As usual, they only care when it affects them.
Also, though, this is one of the reasons that Republicans are against college. Because college is often the first time people are exposed to people from other walks of life, and that exposure is the most effective way to make them realize that people are just people.
However, this doesn't mean that I'm going to stop concealed carrying around Republicans and cutting them out of my life if they express even an ambivalent attitude about the issue, because I don't trust anyone who can still support that political party and they need to realize that their actions have consequences. Make bigots ashamed again.
I hope that's true, otherwise I have a lot of family members I'll need to cut off when I come out
It takes time. If you've got a few people in your family who support you, that helps create a wedge to normalize the change. Obviously, YMMV, but I've seen people come around in real time. Not impossible by a long shot.