Agree with everything here. Something people don't really understand is when you're at that point of depression, suicide doesn't seem like a big deal anymore. It's like, how much thought or importance do you put on choosing what color shirt you wear for the day? You don't spend hours agonizing over it or thinking about it, you just wake up and look in your dresser and are like "well I guess it's red today" and it's the same for "well I guess it's suicide today". I've been there an uncomfortable amount of time. It's a very scary place to be. You have to really actively fight against it.

And when you no longer enjoy anything, you can't dive into something to distract yourself. When your personal connections no longer matter you can't go to anyone to feel warm and fuzzy inside. You're just alone and lost in the darkness. What has helped me when I've been in that spot is to find and reach out to other people who've been in the same spot and understand. The feeling and the whole experience is so hard to put into words to people who haven't been through it.

At least for me, personally. I found comfort in people who were going through similar or have been through similar in the past and could ACTUALLY understand. But you do need to find some kind of anchor to keep you here, whatever that may be. It's hard. It's probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But I promise it's worth it. If anyone out there needs someone like that to talk to my inbox is open.