Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
-
1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
-
2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
-
3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
-
Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
-
No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
-
Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
view the rest of the comments
From a cis/straight guy's perspective, I used to find myself in this situation a regularly. I've found a good combination of pragmatic coping strategies and reframing the person is helpful. Others have mentioned common coping strategies like distraction and minimizing contact, but I find this alone doesn't help set you up for healthy relationships because it only treats the person you're infatuated with as the "forbidden/unworthy object of desire" rather than their own person. So a lot of the reframing I'd do was geared towards reframing then as anyone else that you're not interested in pursuing, so things like "I'm not their person and they're not my person", "they're not into me and that's not hot", "they're a friend/sibling who has their own life, I'll support them in theirs, but I should focus on mine"
It's also always good to put yourself in their shoes. If you were in a relationship and knew someone who you're not into was infatuated with you, how would you want them to act? I doubt you'd want them to pursue you or conversely treat you like toxic waste just to cope.
It's infatuation, it will pass. Love must be mutual and is built over time.
TL;DR: As a guy, this usually ends up being a lot of "Don't be a creep, just be fucking normal."
Ahh, I see. Pardon my assumption, but your phrasing does suggest to me that you might be younger/teenage--are teens on Lemmy now? Out of an abundance of caution, I'd recommend you try talking to someone a bit closer to you that you trust, like a counselor, older friend, or parent as this does get into a more sensitive topic. Talking to randoms on the internet can be helpful, but also very risky as it's wild out here and there are all kinds of predators let alone bad advice. I don't know what your life circumstance is and counselors/parents aren't perfect either, but it's usually a much safer starting place. Use your head, verify what you hear.
If you're an adult, totally apologize. I hope you'd agree with with my caution.
Ahh that makes sense, your English is is very correct, just harder to tell with more reserved English speakers. Your situation is certainly very normal and not at all unique to younger folks!
I guess another pragmatic thing people do sometimes is, if they know they're going to see someone they get weird about, they'll leverage their refractory period so it's less intense when they meet.
Well your English is better than a lot of native speakers so you're doing great :)