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CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al

What's a small change that improved your mental health? (lazysoci.al)

submitted 2 days ago by CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al to c/WomensStuff@lazysoci.al

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April is stress awareness month. What little changes have you made that have helped?

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[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (7 children)

None of these are small changes per se, but here are some things that can help, and which can be worked towards with small and persistent changes.

First, covering some of the basics:

https://www.nih.gov/health-information/emotional-wellness-toolkit

sleep 8+ hours a night, go to bed and wake up around the same times each day
exercise every day, try to get aerobic exercise a few times a week but still walk on days you can't
go outside, try to get 30 minutes of sunshine every day (basically: do your exercise outside, otherwise do something else outside - I personally get a mental health boost from picking up trash, it makes me feel like a good person)
I have a rule to never take any drug the day after I used it (so basically never take a drug every day, or any two consecutive days). This prevents a tolerance building up, keeping the drug the most useful. It also helps prevent dependence and addiction. With certain drugs I have more strict rules, e.g. tobacco I don't use more than once a month as a rule, while caffeine I like to have a 2 - 3 day minimum before taking it again (so practically speaking I don't use caffeine more than once a week or so, at most).
eat a varied and nutritious diet with lots of vegetables, incorporate fiber-rich and whole foods and reduce consumption of processed foods
drink lots of water throughout the day, start the day by drinking a glass of water and then keep a bottle of water on you so you can continue to hydrate

Beyond that, what helped me immensely was:

practicing 20 - 40 minutes of loving-kindness meditation every day (especially the modified TWIM method where you actively recall the feelings and not just dryly repeating intentions)
practicing 1 hour of vipassana meditation every day
running 10 - 20 miles a week
cycling 20 - 60 miles a week

Because loving-kindness was so effective for me, I want to actually write out the section from TWIM that was so helpful. From that TWIM PDF linked above:

TWIM passage

When you practice the Mindfulness of Lovingkindness meditation, begin by radiating loving and kind feelings to yourself. Remember a time when you were happy. When that happy feeling arises, it is a warm, glowing feeling.

Some of you may complain—we actually do hear this a lot—that you cannot recall any good memories. So, then we ask, “Can you imagine holding a baby and looking into its eyes? Do you feel a loving feeling? When that baby smiles, do you?"

Another idea is to imagine holding a cute little puppy. When you look at the puppy, you naturally want to smile and play with him. The feeling you are creating is a warm, glowing, and sincere feeling radiating from your eyes, your mind, and your heart. Once you have established this feeling, use this feeling to wish yourself happiness. “Just as I was happy then, may I be happy now.” Continue with phrases like “May I be peaceful,” “May I be happy,” “May I be calm.”

Do you know what it feels like to be peaceful and calm? Then put that feeling and yourself in the center of your heart and surround yourself with that happy feeling.

When that feeling fades, bring up another phrase to remind you of the feeling. “May I be tranquil,” “May I be content,” “May I be full of joy.” Now give yourself a big “heart hug.” Really and sincerely, wish yourself to be happy! Love yourself and mean it. This feeling is your object of meditation.

Each time the feeling fades, repeat the wish verbally a few times in your mind. Just repeat it enough times to bring up the feeling - do not make it a mantra! Saying a phrase over and over will not bring up the feeling we want — the phrase just reminds us to bring the feeling up. When the feeling comes up we drop the phrase. There are a number of other teachers who focus on just saying the phrases over and over, and that doesn’t work. That will just turn it into a concentration practice on the phrase.

Some people visualize easily; others do not. It is not important that you clearly see your object of meditation. Just know it is there. Keep the feeling of yourself in the center of your chest, wrapped in this happy and content feeling.

And, we do mean really feel good! Feel peaceful, or calm, or loving, or gentle, or kind, or giving, or joyful, or clear, or tranquil, or accepting. Be okay sitting and feeling this. It’s okay to feel good, let yourself be there in the present, just feeling this contentment.

You have nowhere to go; you are on a little vacation from life now. There is nothing to do other than to be happy and radiate that feeling to yourself. Can you do that? Don’t try to be happy. Be happy! Be content. Be at peace—right here, right now. You have our permission to be happy for at least the next thirty minutes!

This is a feeling meditation, but don’t over observe the center of your chest trying to bring up a feeling of Lovingkindness. Don’t force a feeling where there isn’t one. Don’t put the cart before the horse. Smile and feel that smile all through your body. As you say the phrases, bring this feeling up, and it will resonate in your heart area on its own. Sincerely wish yourself happiness. Believe it, and know that you do wish happiness for yourself. Just be with this feeling, know it is there, and smile with it.

There may be some blocks that come up such as saying to yourself, “No, I don’t deserve to be happy like this!” This aversion to your own happiness is a distraction. Distractions will be covered shortly. We will explain the method to deal with them so that you can allow and train yourself to feel real Lovingkindness for a longer period of time.

Later, when you begin feeling this feeling toward others, know that similar blocks may come up and that these are distractions too. There is no reason that others should not be happy as well. The goal is first to accept and allow yourself to be happy and peaceful. It’s okay. Then, since you feel that happiness in your own mind you will be happy to share that feeling with other beings.

If you can get past the corniness and all the various forms of resistance that come up, generating good feelings and holding onto them is a pragmatic tool you can develop and build that can lead to increased happiness and mental well-being.

I feel like therapy should be mentioned, I have seen a dozen or so therapists over decades, but for the most part I never found therapy particularly helpful. At times therapy was actually quite harmful (usually by accident, not due to ill intent by the therapist). I still believe therapy can be helpful and that people should seek out a therapist, I just can't say that it every helped me that much.

Journaling also should be mentioned because it can be helpful, but in my life journaling was a tool that brought me a lot of harm as well as some good. So I guess just be careful about having journals, know that they can be taken from you and weaponized against you (even in ways you wouldn't have ever expected). It took me over a decade to finally journal again, and now I use it for very limited purposes. I still feel I can't be honest or vulnerable with my own thoughts on paper, so my writing remains more analytical and pragmatic than emotional. Sometimes I have found writing poetry one way to help be vulnerable that way without feeling threatened.

[–] CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al 5 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Dandelion thanks so much for typing that out! It's brilliant information for us all, really detailed and helpful. I journal sometimes too... do you have any old ones you read? I have mine but don't tend to read them

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I burned most of my journals after a step-parent took one of them and read it in front of my family to punish and humiliate me. After that I didn't journal for a long time. One of my journals from when I was 10 - 13 years old or so survived, and I have that one. I read it a few years ago, and was surprised at how lucid I was.

I started journaling again a couple years ago, but it's usually just about analyzing my dysphoria - basically just talking down the "brainworms".

You should try reading your older journals sometime, it can be quite cathartic. I feel a sense of loss at having burned my journals, I feel like I poured myself into them and now my memory makes it difficult to recall what I was like accurately. Having an artifact like that would be useful for when I'm trying to do some personal archaeology, or even just for fun.

Thanks for creating this community, by the way. We are lucky to have you. 💞

[–] CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm really sorry that happened to you, it's honestly traumatic. Your most private thoughts being exposed and ridiculed like that, at such a young age as well. It's every young person's nightmare, it's just cruel. Do you have much contact with the step parent.

And that's so kind of you thank you! I really got lucky though, it's such a wonderful group of women here. It wouldn't work at all without all of you ♥️

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I don't have much contact with any of my parents, but I have no contact with that parent in particular.

There were plenty of bad things happening in that house growing up, but I feel lucky it wasn't worse. I think a lot of abuse victims feel this way, though - like they didn't really experience abuse because it wasn't some stereotype of what abuse is in their mind.

Either way, I have mixed feelings about it all, and consider myself very lucky and privileged overall.

And I feel the need to laud your founding of the community, your labor as a moderator, and above all that, someone who makes an effort to keep the community active. Sure, we all participate and together form the community - but you do an immense amount of work and play a larger role in facilitating this community than the rest of the members. You do an amazing job, and I just really appreciate you. 💗

[–] CheeseToastie@lazysoci.al 2 points 2 days ago

Yep it's a difficult one. There's always worse, and psychological abuse is really hard to name and it's even harder to get people to understand how bad it is. They get broken bones, but don't get broken hearts. You did amazing surviving it all!

And thanks Dandelion, it has been a lot of work but comments like that really do make it worth it. I really do appreciate you too

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