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Cooking Up Contingency Plans
(i.imgur.com)
Since my polymorph meme has only garnered three downvotes so far I thought I'd offer a bit more controversial take, and see if I can manage to stir the pot a bit with this one.
Unfortunately:
As someone who had to DM more than I'd like, no dice, mate.
You're still dealing damage, e.g. it could kill you from the massive damage rule if you dealt enough. Vampiric touch counts how much damage you deal, not how much hp the target loses.
Okay, if we want to play it like that my ruling as DM is that as all your HP are vampic in nature and you're feeding on the living, you're now undead.
Probably a zombie.
Not to mention I'd allow on creativity and rule of cool. I want players like that in my table.