this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2025
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Autism
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I have a different problem, I've spent so many years adjusting myself so aggressively that sometimes it's hard to tell who "I" am anymore.
Yep. An entire childhood of my dad always calling me a spazz, my mom abusing me, kids in school avoiding me because I was weird, always feeling like the only person not in on the joke in college, getting cussed out and -- in one case -- physically assaulted in the workforce... I started devoting most of my energy to just reacting and hiding. I spent most days just getting to the end of all the social bullshit and obligations.
Whatever you do, don't tell me to relax. Every time I relax, everybody hates it. I suspect there's a good, interesting person with the capacity to be happy in here somewhere but I get so little time to actually be them.