Autism

It's a rainy Valentine's Day. But that's ok.

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

Lana gets on top of the refrigerator to feel superior.

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

Janelle “Sky” Hansen was removed from her apartment in Minnetonka, Minnesota, in the northern USA, by Hennepin County Sheriff’s deputies. Those deputies had a court order, implying that at least one judge also participated in the commission of this crime against humanity. The deputies lied that they had no choice in the matter.

From the bodycam video, it’s clear that she received nowhere near 14 days’ notice. It looks more like 14 minutes.

Sky was evicted in June, 2025, and remains homeless to this day.

So long story short

I am writing to say hi and hopefully I can find answers lurking in the shadows by everyone here.

Long story:

I guess I believed that I didn't have this and have struggled a lot over time with the thought of always thinking what I might have and why I felt so different from neural typical people

I haven't had a formal diagnosis, but I have been unofficial diagnosed with ADHD,anxiety and depression and a nurse off had mentioned that I might have Asperger's but again no formal diagnosis.

I think I might also display signs CPTSD symptoms and I tend to have a proverbial forest of these lists of traumas albeit it small but are so...persistent that it is quite extensive in the sense that I could write a short story trying to explain myself with how I am feeling with this.

I think because my younger brother is mentally challenged to the point where he cannot look after himself, I think I have been hesitant to claim being neural divergent in fears that I might be thinking I am "broken"

But I have been, I guess, exploring, trying to understand what I might have because I have been forced to really try and make progress in my life after being "paralysed" by not feeling I am making any progress in my life.

I have always been something of a black sheep, generally have been of strong opinion and I am observant enough that I am decent at reading people to the point where I can call out other people's bs to a reasonable degree.

I believe I am strong willed in the sense that I am not too easily swayed, but tend to fold with a "second inner self" that is on watch once I have experienced something bad. I also feel like I can be caught up in a collective "energy" too

My life is one of wearing masks and figuring out the right "persona" to put on for the right "performance"

I also struggle with interpersonal relationships as I have a tendency to overshare and be verbose in both my words and actions.

I have a bad tendency to trust and that has led to me being taken advantage of a lot, which has a knock on effect of making me be very cautious of people and their intent, which leaves me feeling very lonely and unloved as I struggle to make connections

I have difficulties making connections because I generally scare everyone away with how "heavily burdened" my soul feels and that leads to struggling to regulate and being force to have to mask up and live with the tiring burden of wanting to "fit in"

I am unemployed, I have been looking for employment and struggle to find many jobs to apply to because of a lack of confidence in my skills and feeling very self-conscious because I am in student debt that I cannot pay and I am forced to stay with my parents which also makes and leaves me with guilt as it is a household that is hanging on by the generosity of family.

Just overall life sucks and I do not know what to do with myself as all roads feel like a dead end

Now, would you like explain yourself?! No I would not.

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

You ever want to go home and you haven't even left yet?

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

Hey y'all. Just wanted to vent a bit. I've been feeling really down lately, mostly because lately it feels like no matter what I do or how hard I try I can't seem to make people understand me. It doesn't really seem to matter if I'm talking to another neurodivergent person or not, people just assume they know what I'm saying and run with it. It just keeps happening and it's been creating more and more conflict at work, with my friends, with random people I have to deal with day to day. I feel so much like a fucking alien lately, like I'm speaking some language that no one around me understands but thinks they do. I had a meltdown the other day at a work friend who just could not stop for half a second to listen to what I was saying. I don't know if it's something I'm doing, I'm sure people will read this and assume that it is. At this point it doesn't even matter it just feels so pointless to even try. I want to cry with how badly I want someone to just listen to what I'm saying and try to actually understand. Like literally that's all I want, but it never seems to happen these days. I feel like it's going to cost me my job and friends. I feel like I'm going to lose everything and have to start my life over again somewhere else. I see how this is really a me problem. It's not fair but the burden is on me to make people understand what I'm saying. I see how my lack of energy and motivation to do so is making it impossible for me. I want to put forth the effort but I just have nothing left. I fucking hate myself for that, even knowing it's not really my fault. Thanks for reading if you got this far. This was stream of consciousness.

My truck got hit on the highway yesterday. Just some body damage. But my body is still dealing with the stress of it today.

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

LANA! She was named after the character from Archer.

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

Pizza party was a success!

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

We're having a pizza party! With my in-laws. So people we know and we comfortable with.

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

We need to talk. Don't worry it's just small talk.

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

If you need words of wisdom, just Google "words of wisdom". I'm sure something will come to you.

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own

title

So my birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and I have no idea what I want to do. My parents and sister are up for literally anything, and are even encouraging me to make a list of things I want to do. I have many mixed feelings about it.

The thing is, I want to celebrate my birthday. However, it’s been so hard for me the last few years. I’m not sure if this is an autism thing or not, but whenever somebody raises their voice or uses a specific tone with me, I get frustrated and it throws off my whole day. I’ve done better with this, but I’ve also pushed myself to be perfect whenever I’m around my family so that they don’t seem upset at me. My mom says it’s like walking on eggshells around me because she can’t say anything without me getting upset, little does she know I feel the exact same way about her, she has ADD and has a contradiction for everything I say. My birthday is the one time I can avoid this whole frustration thing.

Unfortunately, All I can think about is how awful my birthday was last year. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, but I had a very negative birthday because I found out that my grandfather had died the day before. The grief Left me with mixed feelings, my brain wanted to do everything I had planned for my birthday, but my body did not. I waffled back-and-forth, unable to decide what I wanted to do. That was when my mom got frustrated. She told me that while it was my birthday, she wasn’t going to put up with me doing the whole back-and-forth thing. I ended up getting really upset and the rest of the day was awful, as my mom and I continue to disagree over both our grief and our decisions.

This year, I am still in a big pickle, trying to figure out what to do. Obviously, I want to do everything I missed out on last year, but at the same time, I want to keep it cheap, As my mom and dad made a big deal about how much money was spent on my birthday last year (My best friend and I went to a waterpark the day my grandfather had passed, we were unaware of it at the time. We had a great time, But I was fixated on my mother’s behavior as she spent the whole time crying in a dark corner). Nobody told me anything about my grandfather until the next day. My parents also told me that they hadn’t got me any presents as they had had been so busy with my grandfather. I said this was completely fine, as I understood this took a lot out of them. They ended up throwing a bunch of stuff together last minute, and I was very confused. Later on, I was stupid enough to ask where my real presents were (Stupid question I know), and my parents were very stern, telling me that I had an issue where I was upset that I didn’t get everything on my list (This was not true at all, I was simply grieving and confused). They also continue to talk about how much money they spent on my friend and I (They mentioned our waterpark tickets were over $1000). I really wish they would’ve told me this sooner so that I wouldn’t have had to waste all their money.

My plan this year is to keep it simple. There is a lot of stuff I want to do, but I’m trying to keep my whole budget under $250. The thing is, I don’t know what I want to do yet. I have a tendency to want to do several things in one day. I just cannot make a decision. I love going to restaurants but have been ashamed to go recently as a few weeks ago, my mom and I were at a restaurant, and I apparently said something about wanting to eat six bowls of soup (as a joke), my mom knew this. After two bowls, the waiter took my bowl away because I hadn’t yet asked for another bowl (I have a tendency to go mute occasionally when it comes to asking for specific things). My mom noticed this and said firmly, “You kind of have to ask for another bowl of soup, he thinks you’re done.” That just made me more worried, and I refused to ask for anything else. Then when the check came, the waiter asked if we needed anything else, and my mom looked at me and asked loudly, “Do you want another soup?” I found this so annoying, and calmly made it clear to my mom that she needs to stop coddling me, and that if I want something, I will ask myself. If I don’t ask, I don’t receive. Anyway, I haven’t been too interested in going to restaurants since then. However, I have thought of some cheap things to do that. I really enjoy (I am very young for my age, and often times enjoy doing things that are intended for younger children, like going to the park and watching children’s TV shows).

I honestly don’t know what I want to do. I for sure want to get my own cake, Since I didn’t get my own last year due to my grandfather dying, and my parents, wanting to celebrate my grandmother and my grandfather together (My grandmother’s birthday was the day after he died). I also want to go to the park, Since my sister mentioned she wasn’t interested in going last year, but I love playing on the playground and do it even as an adult. My parents came up with the crazy idea to travel on my birthday, since I’ll be off for spring break, but I hate traveling and have no interest in going away from my hometown for my birthday. I’m still thinking about what I want.

Does anybody have any suggestions about activities / things to do that have no age limits and are cheap? There’s a lot of things I want to do that are young for my age but often there are age and height restrictions. I’ll be turning 20. I’m trying to think of things that are family friendly but also something that isn’t too expensive.