60
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 29 Jun 2023
60 points (96.9% liked)
men
7 readers
1 users here now
This magazine is dedicated to discussions of issues that men and boys face, especially disadvantages or discrimination due to their gender, from an egalitarian perspective.
founded 1 year ago
I think this is an important distinction. You don't want to become unfeeling, but you do want to become more in control of your feelings. That's a sign of maturity (tho many adults don't really manage to get there).
This takes time. Stick with it for a few years and you will see improvement. It's not easy to grow and change, so give yourself time, and don't give up.
Life isn't easy for most of us. Just keep at it. Build healthy habits and over time you will see improvement.
I also recommend reading Stoic philosophy. Not the pop-culture unfeeling stuff. But the stuff about knowing the difference between what's in your control and what's outside of your control.
Ehhhhhhhhh.... You want to be in control of your actions. Trying to control your feelings just tends to lead to thinks like repression.
You also want to regulate your feelings. It's not helpful to e.g. let your anxiety drive you into a frenzy, or your depression drive you to harm yourself. Emotional regulation (not suppression) is an important skill.
True, and fair. A big part of regulation, though, is actually feeling and acknowledging those emotions, and giving them permission and space to exist.
Observation vs containment.
My dad always told me that we cannot control our feelings but can control what we do with it. Its amazing advice
Adding on,.what we're talking about here is emotional regulation. This isn't the same as controlling emotions, nor doing away with them. More like managing the volume so you can actually listen to them.
You could even take out the word emotion and simply talk about self-regulation. @PostalDude if that's the case, it's not just whether you've tried meditation or therapy. On top of sticking to them because it can take time, the type of therapy matters. DBT is a specific modality which offers a lot of tools for self-regulation. This doesn't mean dispensing with other approaches; but it's a good place to start. Person-centered therapies might be subsequently useful and perhaps EMDR if you suspect a trauma element (just some examples. Not prescriptive).
From there understanding the effects of culture is good and so is looking at (real) Stoicism. But the latter is almost a later stage step, in that you want to be in the right frame of mind to properly apprehend it.