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‘It’s quite soul-destroying’: how we fell out of love with dating apps
(www.theguardian.com)
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this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2023
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I did all that for like 7 years in NYC and what did I get? About 5 dates, not a single one turned into a second date. I thought I had one in the bag... Then she sent me a long text saying that she didn't want to see me again because I made her "uncomfortable" at the end of the date, even though her body language or verbal language said nothing or the sort.
I moved back to Southern NJ a few months after that and ended up talking to a cute woman for a week. She was 42 and I was 37,we would send a few long messages back and forth, but I always kept it casual. I knew she was vegan because she had it on her profile. We went to a bar/restaurant and she was like "yeah I can't eat anything here, I'm not hungry anyway." We both got a drink and chatted for another 1.5 hours. Towards the end of the date she said "so you said you're thinking about moving to Miami..." and I responded "yeah, but that's up in the air right now, nothing is trying me to down there, and now that you're in the picture, idk how that would work... " then she said " Oh, I don't think I'm in the picture, we don't have enough in common and I wouldn't date someone that isn't vegan. We had been talking for a week and she never mentioned that once. I just sat there, shocked, and was thinking "why did you agree to this then?" it wasn't because of the free food or drinks (she had one hard seltzer) and she was like "So I guess this is it? I'm gonna head home, I'm tired".
After being tired of the North East I moved down to Miami about 2 weeks ago! People are definitely a lot more friendly down here and I gotta get out of my NYC habit of leaving everyone alone because no one wants to talk to someone that they don't know.
Gonna be real dude, it's not the apps, in this scenario.
We met up for drinks, we were heading home the same way so we waited for it to come together. Goy in the car, sitting next to each other. I put my arm around her and she cuddled into me. I pulled the move out slightly lifting her chin so she would face me and I French kissed her, and she happily responded. We stopped after a few seconds and sat there holding hands. We went off and walked about 500 ft to the next subway train, which was coming in 10 minutes. I joked "yay more time to make out" and she giggled. We preferred to make out, and add over does, they get a little handsy. She never said "stop",*I'm done " or anything else. She was just there with a smile on her face. When he train came she pushed me off of her (I had her against the wall) and said "I can take it from here" and looked back and smiled at me.
That was it, except from the previous 4 hours they we spent at the bar really getting to know each other.
Yeah so just stop interacting with people. "You're creepy."™
The correct answer here is to
A) be less creepy
Or
B) get better at finding people who like your specific brand of creepy
There's someone out there for everyone. Used to be good friends with a dude we literally called "Creepy" as a nickname back in college, because h was just so fuckin awkward. He married a chick who absolutely loves the smothering thing he'd do. He's a good guy and they're super happy, and ngl it really touched the heartstrings.
I kind of feel like that there might have been the problem. There are loads of great vegetarian / vegan restaurants, especially in New York. Like 10 seconds of googling to find one would show that you actually paying attention to what she's saying.
This wasn't in NYC, but South Jersey, as I clearly said. We never actually agreed on getting dinner, just meeting up at some place. I hadn't been on a date down there in like 18 years so I didn't know of a good adult spot, so I chose a place I knew that served both dinner and had a full bar. Also she didn't live or work in my city, so I chose one of the few I knew that was on her way home (worked in one city but lived in another). I mentioned it beforehand and she agreed, if she didn't like it she could have said so beforehand, everything isn't up to me. It's annoying when people agree to something then complain about it later.