I need some other trans athletes in competitive sports to talk to. Tldr: afab enby/masc pre transition wanting to compete in male division.

This is going to be a ramble, apologies.

I'm training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and I'm planning on going to my first competition. I'm afab, enby/masc. I can't bring myself to sign up for the women's division, and I've signed up for the men's. I'm not on hormones or anything, and even though the divisions are organized by age weight and experience, it's quite possible that I'm still going to be out matched just based on muscle/body weight ratio. I don't know.

I'm training hard, gaining strength. This is the kind of sport where if you technique is good, you can potentially win regardless of size difference. Heck, it was developed to give smaller people an advantage in a street fight.

I've also only ever trained with cis men, and they've told me I'm formidable. (Though I'm not sure if there's is always an unspoken "for a girl" in that whenever a cis dude compliments a precived as female). I also know they are holding back some - at least some of the time, but that's what we all do for training.

I've told some people that I've signed up for the men's division. One cis male friend told me that they would feel like they had an unfair advantage of they got out there and a "girl" showed up to fight, which would mean they would hold back, and/or a win wouldn't feel legit. Therefore I should stick to women's to preserve competitiveness.

They also suggested that I just do the girls first and if I kick all their asses then the men's. Worried that if I try men's and get humiliated it would be a bad learning experience. Somewhat valid. I am the kind of person who tends to go over board at first and then has to scale back. I get it.

But I also don't think athleticism is so black and white. Especially in BJJ at beginner levels. I don't know for sure though because I don't actually have any data, I can't find stories online of afab pre transition competing in bjj. I don't know anyone else. There are plenty of garbage articles about amabs in female devisions, and some good ones, but those don't really help me.

Anyway. I don't know where I'm going with this, just trying to sort out thoughts I guess.

I would appreciate advise, commiseration from any trans athletes out there in competitive sports who have experiences to share.

Love you guys.