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Anon visits a coworker
(sh.itjust.works)
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this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2023
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What I've seen recommended a lot (by psychologists as well) is going to an event you'd have fun at already (a fair, concert, band, choir, language course, hobby activity like dnd or LAN games) and just keep in mind while you're there to try and get more comfortable being around people.
A lot of places like that force interactions, which can help you become more comfortable. If you're doing something you like then the people there will probably be more similar to you, which makes it easier to make friends. Two of my closest friends were met through 1. language class, and 2. a game we both happened to play that left empty time to chat.
If that's too much, you can try doing something small to get yourself more comfortable, even if it's just hanging out in an online chatroom.
A big issue here is that a lot of these guys don't see "opportunities to make friends", they see "opportunities to find(land/score/get) a girlfriend". And that's going to cripple their social life. I'm mid-30's now, but during my dating days it was a pretty annoying when guys came to my hobbies purely for dating. Even a couple who would have been great friends, absolutely ruined it by taking the "I need a girlfriend" route.
Step 1: Be happy with yourself Step 2: Be happy with friends Step 3: Be happy with a partner.
It doesn't start at step 3, but a lot of people seem to think that's the very foundation of everything.
What you said is pretty true, it takes a good mindset to realize a girlfriend isn't going to change your life, and it doesn't feel great for the people you're expecting to fix everything.
I'd only want to add that even if someone is unhappy with themselves, the friends they make doing stuff they like can guide them to being a happier person, or they can at least be lonely together.
I'll definitely try looking into this, since I'm kinda in the same situation. But thank you for your advice. :)