having difficulty with femininity and presentation (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by thumbtack@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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hey beehaw team :) this is partly advice seeking and partly just wanting to share my experience and hopefully hear how others feel about he topic. i’m not sure if this is the right community for this either, but hopefully it is!

i’m a cis woman who’s always been a fair bit interested in both femininity and androgyny for my hair and clothing, but lately i’ve been feeling more of a pull than usual to present in a more masculine/butch leaning way. to the point where i’m even considering trying out binding, which i’ve never really thought about before.

i’m a bit conflicted though about all of this, because i do know i have some internalized misogyny regarding femininity being inferior to masculinity. i’m having difficulty telling if i’d like to present more masc because i think femininity is stupid/not cool, or if it’s something i actually want.

does anyone have any advice/thoughts to share about this? i don’t really have anyone irl i can talk to about this, so any input would be really appreciated <3

to be clear, i am not questioning my gender here. i like and use she/her pronouns and am not interested in any others.

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[-] PotentiallyAnApricot@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I think that if something feels authentic to you, then it probably is. I don’t think the reasons, implications, or cultural stories around identity and gender and what we wear and how we look are more important than the ‘hey, i want to wear this right now’ urge. The Outfit Instinct is deep and sacred. Trust it.

If you do find later that your fears around internalized misogyny have some truth in them, you won’t have committed some sin by presenting more masculine, you just will have worked through some feelings about it. So, win-win. IMO, when in doubt, always wear the thing. You can always stop if you don’t like it.