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How do I cope with my father hating me?
(lemm.ee)
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Sorry. It sucks.
I'm not sure what you're looking for, but it's OK to be annoyed, pissed, sad or whatever.
I don't pretend to have a solution, merely that whatever you choose is fine.
I haven't been through your exact situation but sometimes, some people just don't deserve a place in your life.
It's easy to think you owe him your presence just because he's family, but really, you don't.
Neither do your kids.
You're not a burden. You deserve better.
Your dad sounds like a narcissist, you're not obligated to keep them in your life with how they seem to make you feel.