I am from a very catholic family. Before I knew what or who I was, I had family members use religion as abuse to belittle and degrade me from the age of 6 onward. My home life was awful and extended family piled on to make sure I really had nothing left for myself to cling to. I was kept on a cycle of love bombing (with church approved rewards only) when the constant insistence on my selfishness and awfulness would periodically succeed in breaking me. It made life entirely unenjoyable by design. Yet the programming they instilled also came with heavy guilt designed to keep me trapped by "faith."

I understand the fear of knowing you need to leave. The abuse ramped up every time I even remotely suggested I be able to live without the church. But my only regret is that I wish I had done it sooner. Religion doesn't stop you from coming out. The toxicity that it bakes into the community and your family does. They make it very hard and painful to stand up for yourself and advocate for life to be the gift it is. As with many such things, the cruelty seems to be the point.