Thanks, I appreciate you taking the time to write that out. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be a matter of finding a dose that works, hence the 6 month period as a cognizant adult. I wanted to see if it was any different than when I was young.

I was on a wicked high dose as a kid that I basically never came down from (my docs wouldn’t even give me that high a dose as an adult). They just kept dialing it up and up because it wasn’t really helping. That’s a big part of why I took myself off it at 13. The side effects were so bad I struggled to eat for years. As an adult I played with various meds and strengths and found them to be not very effective, but with highly unpleasant side effects, similar to when I was young. And I think I understand why they didn’t work as a kid, too.. they do give me some ability to concentrate, but exclusively on stuff I shouldn’t be focused on. It basically amplifies the bad habits, rather than helping fix them. I do still use them occasionally on my off days, when it doesn’t matter what I get done as long as it’s something, but they aren’t a useful tool in daily life.

I don’t know why it’s that way, but at this point I’ve spent so much of my life not using it, and finding so very little positive value from it when I do, that I’m not willing to jump through all the hoops in hopes that some whacky combo will hit right 4 years from now. I don’t have the energy to do all that when I have other things that need that energy more urgently. Sucks, but it is what it is I guess.