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M36 F34 I don't really know how to end this (feddit.nl)
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by natenten@feddit.nl to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world
9 comments fedilink hide all child comments

First of all, I am an expat who has been living abroad for 9 years now.

Two years ago I meet a wonderful woman who is also form my home country, she has been living here a lot less time than I have (about a year by the time we meet).

About two month into our relationship she gave me an ultimatum, it was with kids or nothing.

I asked her for a few weeks to think about it and after deciding that she was the one, I decided to continue our relationship and started planning on common goals. Months went by and it was truly an amazing time, we really love each other.

Part of our life plans involved us moving in together in 2024. Before that happened, she decided to travel back to our home country to spend christmas and new year's with her family and get some paperwork done.

While she was there, she called me one day and told me that she wanted us to move back to our home country and continue our live together there, however I do not want that, at all.

Not only it would be very expensive for me to move back, but it would be very difficult for me to find a job in my field. Here I have a high paying job, plus I own a house ideal to raise kids.

Education and quality of life is one of the best in Europe. And I really really do not want to go back to a shithole country.

She insists on her plan and gave me yet another ultimatum, I kinda already made up my mind, but I really do not know how to even start the conversation.

How can I approach this?

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[-] solarvector@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 6 months ago

"That doesn't work for me."

Also,

"You creating and mandating a plan for our future that doesn't involve discussing my wants and needs shows that you don't value them"

I don't have any idea what the rest of your relationship is actually like. From the little here, sounds like you're ready to move on, and so is she. If she's giving you that ultimatum from another country she may also be hoping you do the hard part and break up with her, relieving her of whatever feelings of guilt that might be associated. Remember though... No guilt is necessary from either of you to move on. You want different things from the time that you have, and that's ok.

this post was submitted on 15 Feb 2024
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