This loser would be a hoot at a kid's haunted house. Cardboard hand-painted skeletons with crepe paper accordion limbs would have him shitting his pants.

In all reality tho, that dude is scared of that someone ringing his bell being a 3-letter agency. That response is one of someone into some shit he is scared of spending life behind bars for and he'd rather go out rootin' tootin' shootin'!