6 Do’s and Don’ts of Polyamorous Relationships (www.them.us)

submitted 6 months ago by alyaza@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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[-] myfavouritename@beehaw.org 9 points 6 months ago

Seems like a solid article.

I would have loved to see more said about the effort required to move from having traditional relationships to ENM relationships. Something about the article being a Dos and Don'ts makes me feel it's targeted at newcomers, and having a healthy respect for how big that leap is could be really helpful.

I found a ton of the information in Poly Secure by Jessica Fern to be just what I needed when I read it.

[-] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 4 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Polywise, her new book, has a LOT more about the struggles of folks opening up their relationships as well as a bunch of really salient points on how poly relationships differ and how to navigate those unique challenges. If you enjoyed polysecure, you should definitely pick up polywise.

[-] myfavouritename@beehaw.org 2 points 6 months ago

Thank you! I might check that out.

[-] sludge@beehaw.org 4 points 6 months ago

"Everyone has their own reason, but your “why” should be specific to you and wholly dependent on you. This means you should want to explore for a more fundamental reason than just having a fun time,"

This is a pretty good introduction overall, but why shouldn't wanting to have fun be a good reason to try non-monogamy? Isn't dating supposed to be fun?

[-] Quexotic@beehaw.org 1 points 5 months ago

Maybe they meant that you would do well to seek deep meaningful relationships?

I would argue that there is nothing wrong with having fun, with the stipulation that a deeper long term connection can be very much more rewarding. Like, it's a good place to start, and without it, you might have a less rewarding relationship.

[-] KillingAndKindess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Great points, but even my girlmath keeps thinking about this:

"...some 75% of surveyed lesbian, gay, and bi people told Pew Research Center that they were accepting of open marriages last year, versus just 33% of all adults. With all the extra attention, one hopes the 77% of Americans who aren’t open to open..."

I'm currently in my first poly relationship of about 7 months, and I gotta say it's shocking how not-wierd it is. I knew going into the relationship that partner was poly and had a boyfriend, and I decided to set aside my preconceptions and I'm glad I did. I'm sure I would feel differently had my partner not been open, honest, and mature, but the same could be said of any relationship.