submitted 2 weeks ago by alexandra_kollontai@hexbear.net to c/neurodiverse@hexbear.net

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I'm in my mid-20s. I don't often see my parents, but when I'm out with my mother, I'll ocasionally point in excitement at someone or something I saw that interests me. My mother always disapproves of this, and she always says "don't do that, it's rude to point" in a sharp tone. Is she right?

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[-] crime@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago

Pointing at people can be considered rude, especially if it's just individuals going about their business. My understanding is that this rudeness is because it can make the people you're pointing at feel self-conscious. However, if it's people engaging in an activity (e.g. clown making balloon animals, a bunch of people drawing on the sidewalk with chalk together, skateboarders doing cool tricks, etc) then IMO it's not typically rude; there's less of an implication of judgement and more of an acknowledgment that the activity is out-of-the-ordinary.

Pointing at things definitely isn't rude at all. You're not going to make the awesome ACAB graffiti self-conscious.

If your mother's the sort of person who doesn't like having attention called to her, or if she seems like she'd take being pointed at in public to mean "someone thinks I'm doing something wrong" or "did I sit in wet paint? or spill on my shirt?" it could just be her feeling extra sensitive on behalf of the people being pointed at.

[-] glans@hexbear.net 11 points 2 weeks ago

absolutely

It is ominous to be pointed at. If you are being pointed at it could be because those people have some plan for you. Maybe you are being accused of something. "That's her! That's the one! She did it!" Maybe you are about to be arrested. Or they would like to start a fight. Maybe they think you are a different person.

Or they feel you are teasing/mocking them. "point and laugh" is a common phrase but "point and give a well received compliment", "point and move on" are not.

[-] alexandra_kollontai@hexbear.net 3 points 2 weeks ago

"point and laugh" is a common phrase but "point and give a well received compliment", "point and move on" are not.

I guess because pointing physically others them, right? It creates distance and puts you on one side of the hand, and the target on the other side. You need to be emotionally distant from someone to mock them, so I guess creating physical distance helps with that. Where as if you wanted to encourage or thank somebody, that's a more emotionally close experience, so you'd want to get physically closer as well to share a sign of affection. Pat them on the back, hug them maybe. I forgot where I was going with this.

[-] x87_floatingpoint@hexbear.net 5 points 2 weeks ago

For me, the problem would be that they're drawing attention to me. I don't want to be perceived. If they're perceiving me, it's most likely because I did something that's they think is wrong. People who are just going about their day and seen as "normal" don't get perceived or pointed at. Best case, they're pointing me out because they think I look stupid (my looks are indeed rather weird, can't do much about it). Worst case, they're about to target me for something malicious. Definitely not a good sign.

I probably wouldn't mind getting noticed or pointed out if I was intentionally doing something that I think is cool. I did overhear someone talking about my Linux shirt in an appreciative way once, that was neat. But it is very very unlikely that someone is noticing me for a non-malicious reason.

Should say, for disclosure, that I also got autism and enough social anxiety that I'm scared nearly every that time I'm outside. So maybe opinions of the average NT are different.

I myself keep unintentionally pointing at people while I'm talking to them, not sure if that is a problem for these people, but also I can't really stop it, since I am too much paying attention on processing and saying words and can't pay attention at the same time to what my hands are doint...

this post was submitted on 17 Dec 2024

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