RaisedByNarcissists: for the children of abusive parents

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Family Portrait didn't include me (lemm.ee)

submitted 3 weeks ago by BramStroker47@lemm.ee to c/raisedbynarcissists@lemmy.ml

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When I was a kid I lived with my dad and stepmom and visited my biological mother every two weekends. During the summer I would go to my biological mom’s house for one month. When I was around 12 years old I went to my mom’s house for the one month in the summer. During that time, my stepmom got my dad, my half brother, and her parents, took them to Sears, and had a family portrait done. She then framed those photos and had them displayed in the house.

Imagine looking at the family portrait every single day and you’re not in it. Even with all the three hour lectures that would start at 11pm on a school night and including fun things like hair pulling, slapping, hitting, and a belt, I think the family portrait thing might have fucked me up the most.

I’ve been NC for 10 years now. I’m 46. I didn’t know there was a name for what I went through or that a lot of other people had the same situation until I was in my 30’s.

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[–] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I always worried my oldest daughter would feel left out of pictures. I have a kid with an ex, and two with my wife. My older daughter’s mother is one of those that refuses to have pictures taken, and it rubbed off onto my daughter. So we would go places and get pictures taken, my daughter is there but refuses to be in the picture. But since she was not in the pictures I would worry she would forget she was there and we excluded her.

[–] BramStroker47@lemm.ee 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

At least you included her in the plan. My stepmom purposely waited until I was away for the one time of year that I would be at my mom’s in order to do this. I basically worshipped my dad but after getting older I now question if someone who would allow my stepmom to do such a thing was worth my admiration.

[–] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 4 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

We absolutely did include her. It sucks they did not include you. I applaud you for being NC so long. I have been NC with my father since Election Day, and that has been rough.

[–] Kathrin@trouth.eu 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

@BramStroker47 Took me a long time to figure all of this out as well. I'm not even sure what fucked me up, because I remember so little. Like, I know I was beat regularly, but I don't remember a single instance of it.

Breaking off contact certainly helped, but I'd be lying if I didn't have to deal with the after-effects every day still.

[–] BramStroker47@lemm.ee 4 points 3 weeks ago

Yeah. It seems like everyday, more and more memories bubble to the surface for me. The anger I feel doesn’t seem to be dissipating and it seems like it gets worse the more years that I’m away from them.