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First online date I had many years ago we could barely hold a conversation, just not remotely a good pair. At the end he seemed to think it had gone well and asked me out again. I let him down gently and his response was to shout "RIGHT. FINE" and immediately get up and walk out. Didn't even give me a backward glance let alone say bye.

Can't think why he was single.

Thankfully I was brought up in a time before online dating services, etc. "Computer dating" was this awkward thing that was difficult to use, so I did it the old-fashioned way: meeting people in person.

(As a side note that I promise is entirely unrelated to the rest of this post, I was brought up by what Brits would call an RSM, but in Canada is a Chief Warrant Officer. One from the infantry. Don't file that away for later. It's entirely unrelated.)

So I met Hans after having him introduced to me by some mutual acquaintances. Not friends, just people I knew, and who he also knew. He seemed nice enough in the club, so when he asked for dinner later, that seemed fine by me. A few alarm bells started to happen over dinner however, chief among which were:

1. He treated service staff like shit. That's a HUGE red flag for me and pretty much tanked the "future dates" option forever.
2. He mentioned several times how much he really likes "Asian women". (Yikes! Yes, Hans. What every woman wants to hear is that you've just reduced them to an ethnicity and a resulting fetish object.) That's another huge red flag for me (this one from previous experience).
3. He ordered for me. Not on behalf of me after I'd told him what I wanted. He'd decided what I wanted to eat.
4. Now I'm not exactly above a bit of drinking (like the sea is not exactly above the clouds) but something in the almost strategic way he kept instantly refilling my glass when I'd taken a mouthful was not sitting right with me.

(Another side note for people not experienced in dating: if someone is trying to subtly intoxicate you more than you want to be intoxicated, GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT AWAY! This ain't goin' anywhere nice. Don't be polite. Don't give them another chance. Your physical safety is waaaaaaaaaaaaay more important than their fee fees. And maybe you won't have to pull a blade. Oopsie! I accidentally foreshadowed!)

So after the increasingly alarm-raising meal, he drove me to where he thought my home was. (I never reveal that on the first date for reasons which should be obvious by now. There was another three-block walk home.) We then had a conversation that went something like this:

Me: Goodnight. Thanks for the meal.

Hans: You're not going to invite me in?

M: It's late and I have to get up early tomorrow.

H: I spent DM on this meal. I expect something for the expense!

That's when he reached for me, clearly angry, clearly making a grab. And that's where the completely unrelated fact about my father comes into the picture. (I lied, see.)

He was bigger than me, stronger than me, and I was in a pretty tight car (Opel). I wasn't going to be getting out before he had a hold of me. So I didn't. I moved in toward him. Specifically I head-butted him in the face. By the time he'd registered what had happened I had the knife out and pointed ... well, where he wanted me to show attention obviously. See, Dad taught me a few things, one of those being "do not escalate: bypass it all and go straight for blood" (paired with unconventional attacks that will get past people playing the escalation game). He grabbed for me so I eschewed the usual process of protesting, struggling, trying to escape, screaming for help, etc. while he would have escalated to a tighter grab, maybe over mouth, and further violence. I went straight for the violence and initiated it, wrecking his script.

The other thing Dad taught me was to a) always carry a knife, b) make sure the knife is easily pulled out, and c) how to use it. So poor Hans had to live with the fact that the woman he was almost certainly about to assault now had a wickedly sharp blade at his junk and a face that said she not only could, but was a hairsbreadth away from "would", use it.

Me: Goodnight. Hans. Get your hands off me. Put your hands on the steering wheel.

Hans: <A long stream of local dialect I couldn't follow. It didn't sound nice.>

And after that I took the long way home to make sure he didn't somehow follow me.

I went on a blind date years ago with someone a work colleague set me up with. The date was perfectly fine, but when we left the restaurant to leave—I was going to drive her back to where she was staying—it became clear that I had parked in a tow zone and my car was no longer present. This was around midnight, and so I had to drag this poor girl around as I called my father to come pick us up, get a bunch of cash from an ATM (he had to get it because I didn’t have 300 in my bank acct, yep lady I’m broke!) and go over to a very sketchy part of town to reclaim the car from a towing company. We offered to drop her home first, but I guess she was intrigued by the adventure and elected to come along.

Anyhow l was suitably embarrassed, having to call in my family to bail me out was something I was fairly sure was a romance-killer, not to mention having to go to a very sketchy part of the city at 1 am to deal with surly impound guards. But turns out she found it amusing and I guess it never hurts to show a little vulnerability, because we ended up dating for a year after that. We broke up based on distance and life directions, not any real conflict or dislike of each other. It definitely taught me to not sweat about macho crap as much, and just to be genuine, since surprise surprise, potential partners like honesty and knowing who you actually are!

I met this girl working for the summer in a resort town (both employees at the same place). At first I didn't think she was my type, but we kept getting into conversations no matter what we were doing. An acquaintance suggested that I ask her out and we could all hang out watching a movie (we were all just out of highschool). That was a mistake because it was ghetto af. Turned out the friend (ok she was an ex, but she was in a relationship) was interested in getting back with me and was trying to sabotage my chances with this girl. That night I leaned in for a little hug as I dropped her off at her doorstep (next door to my own). She aggressively shoved her hand out to shake mine. I was full of red flags and she was right to push back.

We've been married for 20+ years now.

Obviously there is a lot more to that story but seriously looking back I cannot understand how I ended up with this amazing woman. I was an absolute mess of a person and she sort of saw through that and gave me something to work for. But I caution anyone thinking they can fix someone or use my experience. It just flat out doesn't work that way. My marriage had the odds of working that winning the lottery has. It did, but it was absolutely wreckless for us both at the time and we are incredibly fortunate we didn't destroy our lives and our kids lived in the process.

Edit: autocorrect nonsense

In my 20s I talked to a girl on a dating site for week or so then decided to meet up. She had kind of a slow slur to her speech that I tried not to let bother me but then she enthusiastically revealed that she got hit by a car and got brain damage, basically permanently mentally locking her at 17 years old.

Nice girl, albeit noticeably immature. We did not go on another date.