I think it is different for everyone. My deconversion was revelatory, and I immediately felt a huge sense of relief.
Care to explain? I'd honestly like to hear an authentic account of a revelatory deconversion!
I was 9 or 10 years old, in a fundamentalist Catholic school, where they hit us and made us attend religion class every day and mass three times a week. Some of the kids were extremely devout. I tried to be a good Catholic and didn't question anything. The nuns reveled in telling us that we were all Sinners, and we could never be worthy of the great sacrifice of Jesus's life.
One day after school I had a total panic attack that I might never be good enough to avoid hell. I was crying for several minutes. A voice in my head said, "No one knows if any of the things they claim are true."
I immediately felt a tremendous sense of relief, and I never doubted or questioned if there was a god or gods again. I can still remember where I was, what I was wearing, the time of day it was. It was a profound and revelatory experience.
Edit : I'm sure many faithful people would say I was never a good Christian, but that's just a no true Scotsman
Catholic schools are just abusive. So many nasty mean people abusing children.
The best god, is no god.
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