There’s a test for that: the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. You can look up that term online for more information. I’ve linked to one source that has a decent, short explanation, and the complete scale itself. Other sites can offer more in-depth perspective.

You may need to adjust some of the items for your specific circumstances. Note that the scale indicates that even “good” stuff in our lives (as well as, duh, “bad” stuff) can contribute to overall feelings of being off-kilter, out of it, not quite firing on all cylinders.

I don’t want to claim that meditation is the answer to every mental health problem. But it’s helped me, and I sometimes recommend trying it, particularly mindfulness. (And you can do mindfulness seated and at rest, or walking, or any number of routine activities—just not driving, please!).

I’ve heard a number of people say “But I just can’t still my thoughts! My mind is racing, and I give up feeling more defeated than ever!”

Mindfulness is not about forcing your mind to stop thinking. Rather, it’s about becoming aware of what you’re thinking… and then letting the thought go.

I’ve linked an article I found recently that explains it really well. TLDR (though it’s worth reading in full): A Tibetan Buddhist monk, chosen as the reincarnation of a revered predecessor, absolutely loathed being a monk as a teenager. He was angry, snarly, irritated, and a great vexation to his teachers. Angry thoughts constantly interrupted his meditation practice (and everyone around him).

One teacher gave him some advice: when you meditate, don’t be like a dog; be like a lion.

“When you throw a stone at a dog, what does he do?” he asked.

“The dog chases the stone,” I replied.

He said that was exactly what I was doing, acting like a dog—chasing each thought that came at me…

“When you throw a stone at a lion,” he continued, “the lion doesn’t care about the stone at all. Instead, it immediately turns to see who is throwing the stone. Now think about it: if someone is throwing stones at a lion, what happens next when the lion turns to look?”

“The person throwing the stone either runs away or gets eaten,” I said.

“Right you are,” said my teacher. “Either way, no more stones!… Instead of chasing the anger, grabbing it, and holding on, just be aware. Just be very gently aware of the anger instead of getting involved. Don’t reject it, but don’t dwell on it either. Just turn your attention to look gently at the thought. At that moment of turning inward to just observe, the thought will dissolve. At that moment, just exhale and rest.”

Interesting read on how media portrayal of people with disabilities shapes perception of them as "deserving" of accommodations under ADA, or not.

I was on Farcebook earlier today, and caught not one, but two ads using the hashtag #dementiaawareness. (I was looking for something else.) I reported them to Farcebook as lies, and they disappeared, so sadly I can't share screenshots.

But basically, y'all know the drill: "Did you know you can cure dementia with this one simple thing?" I had to double-check—yup, it was "sponsored content." Someone paid to put it there.

Clicked through to a long rambling bunch of yadda yadda, coming from a Very Important MD with Very Big Credentials (you can read that in tRump's voice if you wish…), who has seen through the falsehoods of conventional therapies. Yes, all of the side-effects which the (white, male, pretty-boy) doctor lists for donepezil are truthful. Similar padding and truthful (but partial) information about other established medical interventions.

After pages and pages of half-truths, we get to the point: all you have to do to permanently reverse and cure dementia is buy our cannabis gummies! Here is a picture of Jane Doe with dementia, and here is a picture of Jane Doe after just one week taking our gummies! Wow!!!

Alz.org is the website for the US based Alzheimer’s Association. They focus primarily on Alzheimer’s, but also contain some material on other forms of dementia.

The site interface is designed to be easy to navigate for those who are not medical professionals, but digging through some of the menus will get you to refereed journal articles and other professional resources, as well as granular suggestions for caregivers seeking to offer dignified, appropriate levels of support for loved ones.

Of special interest: their phone hotline, available 24/7. From my experience, they seem to have a vast phone-tree of specialist consultants—so you can call in to vent, ask for tips and strategies, or to get pointed in the right direction for independent research.

I was especially impressed with their ability to get me connected to local resources—lists of adult daycare, nursing homes & memory care, checklists on how to evaluate offerings, and so on. So often, I’ve asked for help through insurance company reps, or doctors’ offices, or dug up stuff myself online—only to find it’s outdated or contains information that isn’t useful.

I tried posting on a Discord for people with/caregiving for those with dementia. Got a nibble of interest, got pinned by the mod, wrote out detailed instructions on how to get on Lemmy and find us… Possibly the geek level killed interest.

The Discord is pretty quiet, except for incoming bot posts, an IFTTT feed directly from r/dementia to the Discord. (It's one-way, we can see them on Discord, but they can't see us.) Is it worth posting in Reddit, do you think? I'm wondering if I even mention Lemmy, whether I'll get permabanned from Reddit.

Thank you, ZenGrammy! I don't have the time or the tech chops, and was hoping someone would start a community like this. I'm a Reddit refugee who was active on r/Dementia, r/Alzheimers, r/Caregivers, etc. (Edit: and a handful of Discords, an Alz.org Zoom group… lots of support!)

My sweetie—I call her my "Beloved Dementor"—was misdiagnosed for a good decade with psych problems. She does have those (anxiety, depression), but PCP & therapists brushed off refereed medical journal articles I tried to show them, as well as the info that Alz runs in her bio-family.

She's only at roughly stage 4 cognitively. But the effort of masking for so many years, the Alz erosion of executive function (motivation, cause/effect reasoning), the personality reversal from outgoing to shrinking violet—made her decide to stay abed for several years. Lost muscle tone from that, plus Alz-related apraxia and a Parkinsonian tremor.

Inevitably she lost ability to walk, fell, and from ER went to a Roach Motel of a skilled nursing facility where she flunked out of rehab. Incontinence and reliance on a Hoyer lift make it impossible for me to adequately care for her at home—my arthritis and age (pushing 70), inaccessible house, lack of backup community if I fall ill, shortage of aides, and her self-imposed social outlets all point to "nope, not gonna work, at least not longterm."

She's still my sweetie of 26 years. I visit daily. &

Best resources: Alzheimer's Association (Alz.org), and the book The 36-Hour Day.