JulieLemming

That’s what I have been thinking. Therapy could be a way to make the masses more productive and obey the senseless laws of society

So what I would just go there and talk about what for 150 dollars? They would sniff it out what I need or…? Or do I need to know what I need? How many 150 dollar meetings for figuring it out?

I need money and fearlessness, now give me that or at least ways to achieve it

Then there is also power I have been eyeing if I have these things but that can wait and will come with the first two

Fearlessness -> Money -> Power that’s how it looks like in the long run

However on my path I am brought down by some stupid things like daily commute problems or mental overload or anxiety. I just want to surgically cut them out

I don’t know I am afraid though I am not very resistant to hostility

I am trans, nonbinary, xenogendrr, they gonna crucify me or something lmao

But a solid advice otherwise

Okay but if it is so essential as the contemporary society would allow you to believe then why it is more expensive than an hour with a sex worker? (At least here) somehow I cannot get the therapy prostitution connection out of my mind.

Like why would I say to some stranger (I choose based on looks and opinions lol) my feelings and pay them for it and also wait for dates available like it was some highly sought service competition and I am just some 10th gear in queue of the bucks making machine.

Not only I must pay for this but also wait patiently for a month. Some crazy stuff

And what is that will be revealed to me that I didn’t know already if anything? For an hour of feeling good after waiting for weeks I will pay 150 dollars??

I could get one pack of high quality cocaine for that /j not to mention all the stuff that I actually need to buy

And if it doesn’t work then money wasted? What does "working" even mean in this context i don’t know. Hopefully makes me earn more money because I need that.

Right now I am unable to work prolly cause some autism but who knows. I am unable to resist daily grind and emotions of commuting and working for more than a month without mental breakdown.

Will therapy fix that?

They thought I am wrong even though I am right

That I knew but I didn’t know that whole day of physical work feels so good for me. Then I thought of the primal people adhd theories and maybe I need more physical style of life. I like to think that answers to present are in the past

I guess I have some narcissistic tendencies sometimes and I think it’s like perfect counter to these patterns. Besides it just feels extra good when I kind of shrink myself in these ways and let other things shine instead of me occupying all the space. I guess maybe that this is is also turning off the adhd chatter

I am really super green to these things and I am just having fun. also it’s much different than I thought it is. I knew that it is different than Catholicism I grew up with but I never really had a chance to understand why exactly

Then I had an occult phase, thinking I could be great mighty witch phase I guess

Problem is I never really seeked spiritualism for the right reasons but only to feel better and superior than others, have some secret knowledge. That was such a confusing way

I am trying to minimise my self and so to make space for everything else to shine, it started here: https://www.amazon.com/Cutting-Through-Spiritual-Materialism-Chogyam/dp/1570629579

That’s very noble, I am way too big of a snowflake to see stuff that firefighters must see. I think it would mess with my head