And at least two related certs.

When you are a grown up you don't realize you are watching your parents die.

Oh man, that reminds me of the one time I promised a friend to make a poster for an event and my windows lappy died the next day. I had to shoehorn the project into gimp on my tiny netbook.

It was painful. I'm glad for knowing how to use gimp in a pinch, and it is quite powerful software, but it felt like every tool and setting was in the wrong place after working with PS for so long.

Also, it goes without saying that designing a full sized poster on a 10" screen is a fools errand.

The real trick is to lick your cartridges before inserting them, helps the bits slide through more smoothly.

Alternately, if you dry your meat with a duck it will promote the Mallard Reaction.

Had a dude tell me he wanted to 'disrupt' social media by creating a LinkedIn alternative that allowed posting videos.

He just needed a couple 'techies' like me to get it off the ground.

Haven't heard from him in a while. I hope rehab worked out for him.

Wash your hands in the bathroom, nobody bats an eye.

Scrub down your belt buckle in the sink and people lose their minds!

Imagine playing solitaire and everytime you flip the draw pile a 30 second unskippable online casino ad plays.

I can only imagine the shit show that would commence if I put Linux on my mom's laptop

Mom sms: It's asking for permissions again, I forgot my password!

Me: It's in the notebook, mom.

Mom: I can't find the notebook!

Me: Last I saw it, it was on the coffee table.

Mom: Found it!

...

Mom: It doesn't work!

Me: Are you looking at the brown notebook or the pink one?

Mom: Yes!

Me: Yes what? Are you in?

Mom: Yes, I have a notebook and the password doesn't work!

Repeat forever.

I remember I had a date with a girl back in the'10s. We hit it off and got back to her place. Wanted to show her a funny Internet video.

She brought out an ancient laptop that refused to boot and said her Ex had tried to fix it with Linux.

I got it pointed at the right dependencies, she fellated me as it updated.

I think this is my only sexy story that includes Linux.

Well, I guess there was this one time I loaned a lonely neighbor DOS 6 disks.

But, that does not include Linux.

I agree. As cathartic as it was the lines of leopardsatemyface and that one that reveled in progress photos of anti vaxxers dieing just left me feeling angry and sad.

Thankfully the Chrome extension that converts "millennials" to "snake-people" is still working.