In the Netherlands you can apply to a position that is in the field you are in here: https://www.academictransfer.com/en/
For these positions, you usually get a salary for four years and you are expected to obtain your PhD within that period. It is quite competitive and there are often a lot of applicants for these positions. But if you have good grades/experience, etc, it is worth a try.
Ik heb dit helaas van heel dichtbij mee gemaakt enkele jaren geleden. Ik kan natuurlijk niet voor alle gevallen van suicide van jongeren spreken, maar ik heb een sterk vermoeden dat dit er ook mee te maken heeft dat de GGZ ontzettend verslechtert is. Je hebt natuurlijk de wachtlijsten. Maar daarnaast is alles echt kapot gemaakt met protocollen.
Die werken prima als je een gemiddelde enkelvoudige psychische aandoening hebt. Maar zodra het ingewikkelder is dan dat, dan loop je vast in een oerwoud van regels die echt heel onmenselijk kunnen uitpakken. En niemand durft ervan af te wijken als dat nodig is of dingen buiten het protocol te proberen, want dan zijn zij verantwoordelijk als het mis gaat.
Mensen worden onder druk gezet om in de mal van de GGZ te passen. Ook als dat schadelijk voor ze is. En als dat niet lukt worden ze als een hete aardappel door geschoven. En in het geval dat ik van dichtbij heb gezien heeft dat uiteindelijk geleid tot de dood van een jonge vrouw. En niemand was verantwoordelijk, want iedereen had het protocol gevolgd.
Sorry voor de rant. Maar dit onderwerp gaat me nogal aan het hart en ik heb het idee dat de meeste mensen niet door hebben hoe groot de problemen zijn binnen de GGZ. Veel mensen worden er goed geholpen, maar er zijn ook mensen die juist extra beschadigd raken. Ik heb dat zelf mee gemaakt. Ik heb het bij anderen gezien. En ik ken zelfs meerdere psychologen die er maar mee zijn gestopt uit frustratie. Er is gewoon echt een probleem op dat gebied.
Het gaat natuurlijk niet om het aantal militairen, maar als er militairen zitten van allerlei Europese landen, dan val je het leger van al die landen aan op het moment dat je Groenland aan valt. Daar zit de kracht en bescherming in. Één of twee militairen per land is al genoeg om dat te bereiken lijkt me.
It is good that you already know, I think. I was not sure about that and recognised it and thought I should tell you. Depression and anxiety usually are the result of CPTSD, so focusing on treating the CPTSD might reduce the depression and anxiety.
CPTSD often is treated as if it is PTSD. This is not the case (although people with CPTSD usually have PTSD). That is where it often goes wrong. For example, just doing exposure when some does not even have a concept of what feeling safe means can be harmful. The focus should first be on creating a sense safety and finding ways to regulate your nervous system so you are not constantly in a mode of fight, flight, freeze or fawn. You need a therapist that understands this. Not all of them do. Reading about this might help as well (I started with "The body keeps the score.").
EMDR was definitely useful for me. It did help with specific symptoms, such as intrusive images of my trauma's. It is also a treatment that is relatively straightforward and provides relieve quite fast. However, it is not a full solution. There should, for example, also be a focus on the physical side of having an unregulated nervous system.
A couple of weeks ago I was standing on a bridge in the middle of the night and the only reason I did not jump is that I did not want to traumatise other people. Right now, I am not sure that I want to live yet, but I am not sure anymore I want to die either. I think I want to try this therapy, because I felt safe and connected to another person for the first time in years, even if it was only for a short time. So, it means that the possibility is still there and I want to try.
I am not saying you should live and that everything will be okay. I do not know that. The only thing I can say is that I am glad I did not jump and that there were more opportunities for me to get better than I thought. Even though I spend a quarter of time in therapy just crying and saying that I am too tired. Even being able to do that with someone else present is progress. If everything does not work out, I can kill myself anyway, later on. That is always an option. But once I have done that, finding another solution is no option anymore. I think that is all I can say about that.
I am struggling with the same thoughts and you do. I was diagnosed with CPTSD due to emotional neglect and emotional abuse as a child. I had therapy for a long time, which in some cases made it worse (especially cognitive behavioral therapy).
A couple of years ago, I found out that I had CPTSD and not any of the other diagnoses I got during the last couple of years. The way I look at myself, which is very close to what you are describing about yourself, is very typical for CPTSD.
It took me years to find the right therapist for that, but recently I did. I started somatic experiencing as a treatment in combination with EMDR, which actually seems to help. I am also trying to learn how to receive support from others and be comforted when I am sad. I am also trying to get used to physical touch. This actually seems to help.
I am not saying work harder or keep trying. But it might at least be useful to know why you feel this way. There are people who have done the worst things you can imagine and who still consider themselves worthy human beings. If you feel this way, this might have more to do with something that was done to you, than with who you are.
I cannot diagnose you, of course. But what you are saying sounds so familiar that I think it might be useful to read some stuff about CPTSD and see whether you recognise it.
De Telegraaf is considered to be the least reliable source of information from all major news outlets in the Netherlands. (https://www.bnnvara.nl/joop/artikelen/nos-en-nrc-zijn-betrouwbaar-geenstijl-en-telegraaf-niet). This is my experience with them as well. Without getting into the content of what is said here, I think it is a good idea to base your opinion on information from other, more reliable sources than this one.
Met mijn auto de weg over geglibberd. Was wel beetje eng. Bijna de berm in toen ik door wilde rijden voor een ambulance. Gelukkig heelhuids aangekomen. Ik hoop dat het morgen beter is allemaal.
Oh, dat is zeker interessant! Ik heb dit gehoord van verschillende buitenlandse collega's, dat dat ze heel erg tegenviel aan Nederland. Ik moet daar wel bij zeggen dat die van buiten Europa kwamen. Mogelijk is dat het verschil.
Ik heb nooit ergens anders gewoond dan in Nederland, dus ik heb weinig vergelijkingsmateriaal. Wat ik van mensen uit het buitenland hoor is dat Nederland op zich prima is. Als je een beetje gemiddeld bent is alles prima geregeld. Ik hoor wel ook vaak dat het soms moeilijk is om sociale contacten te leggen. Nederlanders worden soms als wat afstandelijk ervaren.
Zijn er specifieke vragen die je hebt over het leven in Nederland?
Stroopwafels and Gouda cheese
No, most men are not murderers and will not just kill you. People like your father and brother are exceptions in how they behave. There are kind people out there who would never do a thing like that.
In some cases, people who are like your father or brother might feel that you are traumatised and used to that behaviour. So, if you encounter anyone acting like them, leave immediately. Kind people might feel not as familiar, but there are many of them and they might even help or protect you.
I feel for you. You deserve kindness and care. It is a good thing that you are a kind person and that you remained like that even with all you have been through. I hope you find an environment with people who are also like that where you can heal.
The way your family is, is not normal. And the way your life is right now, is not what life should be. And this is not your fault, but it is because of the environment you are in. And this can change.
Maybe you can get help from a domestic violence protection organisation to make sure you have a way to get away safely.