So when I started programming in 2001, it was du jour in the communities I participated in to be highly critical of other languages. Other languages sucked, the people using them were losers or stupid, if they would just use a real language, such as the one we used, everything would just be better.
Right?
This sort of culturally-encoded language was really prevalent around condemning PHP and Java. Developers in these languages were actively referred to as less competent than developers in the other, more blessed languages.
And at the time, as a new developer, I internalised this pretty heavily. The language I was in was blessed, obviously, not because I was using it but because it was better designed than a language like PHP, less wordy and annoying than Java, more flexible than many other options.
It didn’t matter that it was (and remains) difficult to read, it was that we were better for using it.
I repeated this pattern for a really long time, and as I learned new languages and patterns I’d repeat the same behaviour in those new environments. I was almost certainly not that fun to be around, a microcosm of the broader unpleasantness in tech.
At least, until I got called on it.
Ultimately, only you can decide what labels apply to yourself. But to me, your experiences sound a lot like you may be asexual and demiromantic (and heteroromantic). I suggest learning more about those labels, in order to better understand yourself and learn from people with similar experiences. Understanding yourself better could, for example, help you be able to clearly describe what you want in a relationship and find relationships that suit you.
There is an extensive resource about asexuality here: https://www.asexuality-handbook.com/. I don't have any personal advice to offer you because my experiences are very different from yours. But, in general, know this: attraction is complex. Romantic and sexual attraction are distinct and do not necessarily imply one another. It is possible to have a queer sexual or romantic orientation and also be heterosexual or heteroromantic. (And not all attraction fits neatly into the categories of "sexual" and "romantic". It's just that this is the most convenient for me to phrase it right now.)