I've been dating since I was 16 and the longest relationship I ever had was a year where I felt relatively comfortable. Nowadays I feel like I have to sleep with an eye open, so to speak, because my trust in others is gone. Too many heartbreaks, too much cheating, manipulation, dirty lies, and disappointments. Just all-around shittiness for nothing to show.

And despite all that, I'm still hopping on dating apps and meeting people on outings to find that someone. I want to believe that I can find someone compatible who I can trust. But even if I put my biases aside it still feels like a lost cause.

Does anybody have a similar experience? Has anyone gotten over this? I need some hope or advice, guys.

My boyfriend (33) and I (38) have been together for almost four years. We were one of those early couples during COVID who decided to cohabitate sooner than we would normally have preferred. I was living in San Francisco and he was in Northern Virginia. I drove cross-country with my cat and most the valuable possessions I could fit into a sedan to move in with him.

Things have gone well, with one exception: we haven't decided where we are going to live for the long term. Last year, we moved from Northern Virginia back to his home state because his mother was ill. His state is in the US South and borders my home state. We have very different views on our region of origin.

As a kid, I dreamt of leaving Tennessee before I knew I was gay. I realized I was irreligious in middle school, so I'm sure you can imagine what it was like going to a public high school that had a course that taught the bible as literal truth and a baccalaureate service at a Southern Baptist church that was paid for by the mandatory cap-and-gown rental fees. Moving to Atlanta was marginally better, but moving to SF was like escaping hell.

He, on the other hand, loves this region and his home state. He grew up in Appalachia, was very involved in his church and was even semi-out at his church. He feared his dad learning that he was gay more than he was afraid of anyone at church finding out. After his dad died, that was obviously no longer an issue, so he's completely out to his family and they accept our relationship.

It was my suggestion that we move here, though we considered Atlanta and Richmond, VA. The rationale was that he really wanted to move back home and that he missed his family. Throughout our relationship, he was always upfront about planning to move back home at some point. Ultimately, I wanted to rip off the band-aid sooner so that if things didn't work out, we'd still be young enough to have an easier time finding new partners. I saw no point in prolonging what may be inevitable.

I don't hate it here, but I'm also very introverted and on the spectrum, so I can go a long time without face-to-face contact with strangers. I've leaned in to my hobbies, which are all solitary in nature. I find it tolerable because I don't have to interact with the local culture.

He loves it here; since we moved back, his mental and physical health have improved. He's very much an extrovert, so he's joined an affirming church and gotten involved with it. He's also reconnected with old friends. I mention this because there's a bit of tension about the fact that he'll invite me to events and gatherings and I always say no. Since he's asked me this, I have been honest about the fact that I was not like this in SF or Atlanta; I was much more interested in socializing and going to events, far more so in SF.

There's an unspoken understanding that we'll likely have to move somewhere else due to his job or my career. I'm a contractor at a big tech company; going full-time would require relocation. I've been looking for a more stable job for a few months but the market is terrible and companies are much pickier than they were before COVID. I have no interest in working for a non-tech company or any company not based on the West Coast; I've done that before and found it rife with social BS. It's been years since I had to deal with the implicit expectation that I must be interested in organized sports because I'm a masculine-presenting man who regularly works out.

tl;dr: my partner and I have had variations on the same fight (where to live long-term) for the past 3 years or so . We've made progress but haven't come to a real resolution. It's complicated by the fact that even though we're in a relatively big city, there's no tech industry to speak of here and I've lost out on at least one opportunity because of our location. Is it time to consider ending things or am I being a worry-wart?

I was talking this with a friend and we were checking where homosexuality is criminalized and we realized there is a correlation with muslim countries.

Hey, if you’ve read some of my other posts, you know I’m bi. I don’t think we get to have gaydar :-( At least I don’t, given the number of times I’ve been hit on and only realized it days/weeks/years later.

Question: How do I figure out what this guy’s deal is without maybe losing a new potential bro friend, if that’s even possible?

Context: People don’t know I’m bi unless they ask, or unless I am dating them. I’ve been told by gay friends that I’m “straight as an arrow” :-P

Post-COVID I don’t really have many local friends, and no bros at all anymore. Live in NYC.

Situation: I was invited to a dinner party hosted by an extended friend circle. The hosts want to set me up with a cute lawyer, and yeah we hit it off and I’m asking her to go out on a date some time soon. No issues or concerns there.

Separate from that, there was a guy, let’s call him Ted. He’s not exactly my normal guy type (he’s tall), but I dunno, I like him. We also hit it off, he asked me a bunch of questions, I asked him, too. He’s new in town. He’s really good looking. Fit, sharp features, light eyes, a little tan, fairly hairy.

He was telling me about meeting up with a guy and they did a bunch of stuff out on the town together, and then Ted asked him, “Is this a date?” and the guy said “Yeah.” And Ted was like, “Cool!” I don’t think I gave him any indication that I’m into guys, it would have been a little scandalous since I just met the first and she was seated next to me.

He was seated next to me at dinner. Ted would often grab my arm or my shoulder (not hard) while talking to me, and look at me directly in the eyes while saying something. Sitting at the table, he’s often rub/bump his leg/knee against mine. Several times he moved his arm sideways (for no apparent reason), brushing his forearm hair against mine, which was absolutely electrifying. I might have a new kink, y’all…

Before leaving, he gave me his number, and later texted me that it was great to meet. I said we should find some time to hang out. He said he’s not going to be able to hang out this weekend (sister in town), but that next weekend will work for him. We have yet to work out the details.

Question: How do I figure out what this guy’s deal is without maybe losing a new potential bro friend, if that’s even possible?

Idea: I’ve been thinking about making some fairly neutral plans (museum, dinner/drinks), and just asking him at the beginning if this is a bro date or a date date. What else could I do that might work better? Do I not even bring it up and let him be a friend either way? Am I overthinking everything, as usual?

Thanks for coming to my sexually confused TED talk.

I am mature enough to appreciate the friendship and not think about "converting" him... but damn it is hard to get along so well with someone but know you can't even try to develop a relationship.

Rant/sob story/need a kick in the backside:

I’ve fallen into the same trap my father fell into. At 40 years old, I’ve spent the last 15 years prioritizing my work and career over family, relationships and life in general. It’s left me fat, weak, and scrambling to avoid depression.

I feel like I’ve wasted so much time, and I don’t know where to go from here. Back in school, making friends and having new hobbies came almost effortlessly. Now, I work 10 hour days and end up working on the couch while mindlessly watching TV. Weekends I spend working a side gig or gaming.

I know the solution is to pick something interesting (like strength training at the gym) and just try it. I’m one of those people who needs to be perfect at something the first time, because reasons. I’ve been meaning to hit the gym regularly for years now, but I find myself falling off the wagon within days.

How do you maintain the discipline required to keep going to the gym?

I'm the Scandinavian architect, partner loads it like a raccoon on meth, which is odd as he is a spectacularly good cordon bleu cook and is generally the one that is ordered and tidy around the house

Which are you

So basically title.

I have been looking to do some volunteering in the last weeks, but I have not been able to find something. With all the shit the LGBTQ+ community has been recieving on the last months, I was thinking to join some groups that fight for our rights, but I am not sure where to search for a group, maybe someone has an advice?

Just wondering how everyone is

I am 31 y.o., used to live with some early 20 y.o. and they had friends with all crazy pronouns (no pronouns, all pronouns, etc)

Im just wondering if this is a new trend between the younger generations, or if there are older folks that use custom pronouns too.

For the record, im not trying to be offensive.

It is one of the subs I enjoyed a lot back at reddit. Hope it gets some traction here soon