I’ll start us off with:

• Aftersun - If you’re not into slice-of-life indie films, probably give this one a miss. It’s a slow paced exploration of the relationship of a non-custodial father with his daughter encapsulated in an overseas summer vacation.

• Close Enough - If you like adult animation but you’re tired of the cynical tone that characterizes the genre give this one a try. It centers on the misadventures of Millennial parents in LA just trying to make things work out in this crazy world. It might be hard to find now that HBO axed it, but I think it’s worth the search.

From the original on Reddit. Reproduced here to ensure it still exists when Reddit goes down.

The idea that "men have it great" is often treated as self-evident or undeniable, but in reality the condition of men in our society is just not that simple. Men are doing better in some areas, but they're doing worse in some very important areas too. For example, men:

• are a large majority of the homeless population, drug/alcohol addicts, and suicide deaths.

• die 4-5 years earlier than women, on average.

• are significantly more likely to be the victims of homicide, robbery, injurious types of physical (non-sexual) assault, police killings, and hate crimes (e.g. based on sexuality or race).

• are more likely to be seen as abusive in relationships, even for the exact same actions.

• receive longer prison/jail sentences (and are more likely to be sentenced to incarceration in the first place) than women, when controlling for legally relevant factors (crime and criminal history).

Many men's issues interact with issues for racial minorities. The result is that minority men are doing the worst of any race/gender combination in numerous areas (including homelessness, life expectancy, and incarceration).

Introduction

This document is intended to be a comprehensive and reliable resource detailing the major gender issues and negative attitudes facing men in the Western world. The goal is not to compare men's and women's issues and decide who has it worse, but to show that men's issues are serious enough to warrant being more than an afterthought.

We're also not interested in addressing questions of ideology or movements here (feminism, the men's rights movement, MGTOW, the red pill, etc.). Those questions are important because they involve how to solve the problems facing men, but for now we're only interested in establishing what the problems are.

This project was started in January 2015 by /u/dakru, with input and suggestions from many others since then. From August 2018 it was maintained and updated by /u/PM_ME_UR_PC_SPECS, until in August 2021 it was taken over by u/Oncefa2 and u/genkernels. Its home is on /r/rbomi, but it's also shared with /r/mensrights. For more information on men's issues beyond this page, consider the following books:

1. The Second Sexism: Discrimination Against Men and Boys (by David Benatar: professor of philosophy and head of the Department of Philosophy at the University of Cape Town in Cape Town, South Africa)

2. The Myth of Male Power: Why Men are the Disposable Sex (by Warren Farrell: activist, men's movement icon, former member of the board of directors of the National Organization for Women in New York City, and former professor)

3. Men on Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - and Why It Matters (by Helen Smith: psychologist specializing in forensic issues and men's issues)

4. Media and Male Identity: The Making and Remaking of Men (by J.R. Macnamara, adjunct professor in public communication at the University of Technology in Sydney, Australia)

5. Is There Anything Good About Men?: How Cultures Flourish by Exploiting Men (by Roy F. Baumeister: professor of psychology at Florida State University in Tallahassee, Florida, USA)

6. Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man (by Norah Vincent: writer who has had columns on Salon.com, The Advocate, the Los Angeles Times, and the Village Voice)

7. Spreading Misandry, Legalizing Misandry, & Sanctifying Misandry (by Katherine Young and Paul Nathanson: both professors of religious studies at McGill University in Montreal, Quebec, Canada)

8. Gendercide and Genocide (edited by Adam Jones: professor of political science at University of British Columbia Okanagan in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada)

Section 1: Male disposability

Overview: Male disposability is our society's tendency to have a greater concern for the well-being of women than the well-being of men. Simply put, women's suffering is considered more tragic and worthy of action than men's suffering. It produces a stronger emotional response in us. Having greater compassion for women is so deeply-ingrained in our culture that it seems natural and unremarkable. Not only does male disposability cause many issues for men, it also leaves people less likely to care about men's issues.

Male disposability has many parallels in the realms of class, race, and nationality (e.g. citizens of non-Western countries are often seen/treated as more disposable than Westerners).

Examples/evidence: There has been enormous public outcry over the issue of "missing and murdered Aboriginal women" in Canada [1]. Aboriginal people do get murdered and go missing at disproportionate rates, but it's the men, not the women, who are victimized more. Aboriginal men are murdered more than twice as often in Canada [2], and 4-5 times more of them have gone missing in the Northwest Territories and the province of Ontario [3]. Despite this, it is the women who are the focus of the public outcry.

A second example is Western coverage of Boko Haram, the Nigerian Islamist group. It received widespread attention for its kidnapping of 200+ schoolgirls. The gender of the victims was a major focus of the coverage.

Images: http://i.imgur.com/W844OpX.jpg, http://i.imgur.com/EuQfiVS.jpg, http://i.imgur.com/ZA7o7Yd.jpg, http://i.imgur.com/f10K7m0.jpg

The numerous other incidents where the group spared the women/girls and targeted the men/boys for murder (often brutally, including burning alive) received less attention in general, and much less focus on the gender of the victims [4].

A third example comes from the research of Adam Jones, genocide researcher and political science professor at the University of British Columbia Okanagan. In Western coverage of the Kosovo War, he found that male victims are seen as "unworthy" and marginalized as victims in comparison to "worthy" victims like women, children, and the elderly [5].

A fourth example comes from Portland, Oregon. Although the homeless population there is 64% male [6], the mayor has expressed that one of his priorities is to "house all homeless women by the end of the year". He commented that "when I see a homeless woman on the street, or in a doorway, my heart is touched, and I know Portlanders' hearts are touched". Another individual in the newscast asks "do we want any women sleeping on the street when the weather gets bad and it's cold?" [7]. These quotes illustrate male disposability because although men are doing worse, women garner more sympathy.

One statement from former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is especially interesting in light of the concept of male disposability. According to her, “[w]omen have always been the primary victims of war” because they “lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat” and because they are “are often left with the responsibility, alone, of raising the children” [8]. The idea that men aren't even the primary victims of their own deaths seems to be a particularly insensitive application of male disposability.

A phenomenon likely linked to male disposability (and a similar attitude to racial minorities) is missing white woman syndrome: "when a young white girl goes missing in America, it immediately becomes a national story" [9].

TVTropes identifies male disposability in the media with a trope called "Men Are the Expendable Gender": "A female character can lose that some or even all of the audience's sympathy if they are manipulative, somehow 'immoral', ugly, or just plain evil. Male characters on the other hand have to earn the audience's sympathy by entertaining or interesting us with their their actions. If they don't, we either don't care what happens to them or want them to suffer for failing to entertain/interest us." [10]

In his book The Second Sexism (chapter 3), David Benatar mentions the fact that men are overwhelmingly the ones sent to war as an example of male disposability. He quotes a politician in the U.S. House of Representatives who spoke in favour of exempting/excluding women from combat roles in the U.S. military: “We do not want our women killed”. This attitude, he says, “partly explains why societies have been prepared to send males to war but have been extremely reluctant to send females”.

Our society's particular concern for the well-being of women can be seen in the common practice of news media and human rights groups mentioning the total number of victims of an event or tragedy and specifically singling out the number of women or girls. The BBC reported on successful efforts to save children who had been forcibly recruited for a militia in the Democratic Republic of the Congo: “[the United Nations Mission] said that since the beginning of the year, 163 children, including 22 girls, have been removed from the militia” [11]. The International Business Times reports on ISIS executions: "The Islamic State has executed 1,362 civilians, including 9 children and 19 women, since it declared a Caliphate last year in the regions under its control, a Syrian human rights monitor said on Tuesday." [12] The Syrian Observatory for Human Rights reported on a 17-month period of airstrikes that killed (in its words) "7902 civilians, including 1121 women, and 1679 children". The title of the the article was "More than 3500 children and women killed during 17 months of aerial bombardment" [13].

The fact that women's suffering is seen as more tragic and worthy of action is also evident in the statistics showing that crimes with women as victims receive harsher sentences than crimes with men as victims (including a greater use of the death penalty), after controlling for legally relevant factors. More detail can be found in the section on the criminal justice system.

[1] Including from Liberal Prime Minister Justin Trudeau http://bit.ly/Yy0oZO, NDP leader Thomas Mulcair http://bit.ly/1tWlLOz, and former Conservative Prime Minister Brian Mulroney http://bit.ly/1uV3jpL.

[2] http://on.thestar.com/1nnaQ29 (Toronto Star article “Aboriginal men murdered at higher rate than aboriginal women”)

[3] https://archive.is/3CiRr (CBC article "Missing aboriginal men need more attention, too: N.W.T. mother"), http://www.opp.ca/media/mumip/files/report-mumip.pdf ("Missing and Unsolved Murdered Indigenous People" from the Ontario Provincial Police)

[4] http://bit.ly/1uISTeE (Mediaite article “Why Did Kidnapping Girls, but Not Burning Boys Alive, Wake Media Up to Boko Haram?”), http://bit.ly/1vnXK3H (Reddit post documenting incidents)

[5] http://bit.ly/1uvyonw (Adam Jones' article “Effacing the Male: Gender, Misrepresentation, and Exclusion in the Kosovo War”)

[6] https://www.portlandoregon.gov/phb/article/532833 ("2015 Point-in-Time Count of Homelessness in Portland/Gresham/Multnomah County, Oregon")

[7] https://archive.is/4DIXa (Huffington Post article "Portland, Oregon, Mayor Wants To House All Homeless Women By End Of Year")

[8] https://archive.is/TB5RC (Hillary Clinton's speech at the First Ladies' Conference on Domestic Violence in El Salvador, 1998)

[9] https://archive.is/mRIJL (The Huffington Post article "How Trayvon Martin Became a Missing White Girl")

[10] https://archive.is/O2ljL ("Men Are the Expendable Gender" on TV Tropes)

[11] http://bbc.in/1AqRhd5 (BBC article “DR Congo unrest: Children freed from militia, says UN”)

[12] https://archive.is/EaWCB (IBTimes article "Isis has Beheaded, Stoned and Shot 1,362 Civilians, including 9 Children: Report")

[13] http://archive.is/jOMgd (Syrian Observatory for Human Rights page "More than 3500 children and women killed during 17 months of aerial bombardment")

In short:

Don't say "Toxic Masculinity", it hurts men's feelings. Say "Harmful Gender Expectations"
Don't say "Patriarchy", it hurts men's feelings. Say "Systemic Gender Expectations"
Don't say "Feminism", it (sorta) hurts men's feelings. Say "Gender Equality or Egalitarianism"

Edit: due to some justified criticism I want to clarify a few things here.

1. "It hurts men's feeling" is not the only reason why these things are bad.

2. I shouldn't have said "It hurts men's feelings" because I don't know all men. It probably only hurts the feelings of a small minority of men. I still maintain that this is justification enough to stop using these phrases.

3. I get the sense, and I could be wrong, that people kinda don't respect how damned important it is to not hurt men's feelings. I presented my post in the way that I did to put empathy for men front and center. But to be fair, I'm not the best at the empathy thing. Still I'm a little disappointed by the response. Maybe a bit more emphasis on how justified the hurt feelings are would have helped?

4. I changed the title from "Stop saying "Toxic Masculinity", "Patriarchy", and yes, even "Feminism"" to "People in the mainstream should stop saying "Toxic Masculinity", "Patriarchy", and yes, even "Feminism"". I wasn't trying to tell the people of the magazine what they should be allowed to say or not say. I was trying to suggest that we change what is considered acceptable in polite discourse (aka the overtone window). Kinda like how it's not so acceptable to say fireman anymore, you say firefighter instead. It shouldn't be acceptable to say "feminism" when talking referring to a gender equality movement.

But let's get into the details, starting with the easiest.

Toxic Masculinity

It doesn't take a genius to recognize that saying that phrase seems to imply that masculinity is toxic. I understand that the true intent here is to talk about harmful gender expectations placed on men and the impact it has on the people who try to live up to these expectations.

Which is why it so ironic that men's reaction to such loaded and negative terminology seems to be: "Hrmph, I'm a MAN and I won't let people show that I'm bothered by something so trivial as terminology."

Don't say "Toxic Masculinity", it hurts men's feelings and that's reason enough. Say "Harmful Gender Expectations", that IS what you meant when you used the phrase right?

Patriarchy

The patriarchy is a complex system of, often oppressive, gender expectations. AKA systemic gender expectations.

The ones we tend to see most places is one that seems to have more men than women in positions of high authority.

Those well versed in gender theory understand that this is just one of many interconnected symptoms and is in no way the "root cause" of the situation. There is no root cause, it is a complex systemic problem.

But when you call it Patriarchy, that's not how it's perceived. It's perceived as something that's caused by men to benefit men and place them in power.

But it's a systemic issue that harms both men and women in certain ways and benefits both men and women in other ways and often, it's not the same people receiving the benefits as those who are harmed by it.

But the use of the gendered term Patriarchy naturally leads to gendered terminology for these otherwise symmetric phenomenon:

• For things that harm women it's "Misogyny".
• For things that harm men it's "The patriarchy backfires on men"
• For things that benefit men it's "Misogyny, male privilege or oppression"
• For things that benefit women "Benevolent Sexism"

Exposure to this kind of language, especially for men prone to anxiety can lead to undue internalized guilt.

Which again, because of harmful gender expectation, men by and large fail to complain about this problem and it goes unaddressed.

So here again, please stop saying "Patriarchy", it hurts men's feelings.

Feminism

That's right. Even this one is problematic. Now I understand that feminism has great many different factions and that there isn't one definition to rule it all.

There is some self-identified feminists who unapologetically advocate for female supremacy, openly hate men and wish to see them be oppressed. And if these people want to have the term "Feminism", I say let them have it.

But for those who truly want to fight for gender equality, you can't have it. It just doesn't make any sense. It's in the word Feminism. It's a movement dedicated to women, not men. You cannot run an effective truly egalitarian movement under that banner.

At this point I can only speak for myself, because I'm shocked by how few men are bothered by this. But I cannot accept or identify with a purported gender egalitarian movement that failed before it said anything because it could not find a way to give itself a gender neutral name.

But here's the thing. It's literally taken me decades to understand this problem, as obvious as it may seem. But also sometimes I can be quite clueless too.

But all this to bring it back to this post's mantra: while younger men may not be explicitly complaining about this particular issue with feminism. I'm sure they understand that something feels off.

So yes, please stop saying "Feminism": it hurts men's feelings.

Or more accurately it makes men feel uncomfortable enough to refuse to join your cause.

And NO, it's not too much a bother. Men's feelings are important too. As a society we've updated a ton of terminology to make sure that women feel welcome in all aspects of society. This is NOT too much to ask to help men feel welcome in the discussion for gender equality.

The term “marriage strike” has gained some currency in recent years. Any good strike needs a specific set of demands. After some consideration I’ve come up with the below list of demands. I’d appreciate any suggestions for improvements. I know some points could be a little more specific, like #7. Maybe this can serve as a basis for an actual marriage strike movement. Although naturally every jurisdiction and individual will have their differences, I’ve tried to make this fairly inclusive while not drifting too much into other men’s rights issues that aren’t directly related to marriage.

1. Abolition of common law marriage or any other quasi-marriage arrangements which are entered into automatically or involuntarily.
2. Equal access to marriage for all regardless of sex or gender.
3. Retention or instatement of adultery as a ground for divorce.
4. Abolition of all laws, regulations, and policies relating to abuse which discriminate on the basis of gender or sex.
5. Felony charges for demonstrably false accusations of abuse.
6. Organizations which openly espouse or advocate gender- or sex-biased views or policies barred from government funding.
7. Remove incentives for judges and attorneys to draw out divorce proceedings.
8. Auditing of judges for gender- or sex-based discrimination in rulings with consequences up to disbarment.
9. Abolition of the “duress” exemption for prenuptial agreements.
10. Abolition of alimony (maintenance).
11. Presumed 50/50 custody unless one divorcing partner can be verified as abusive or incompetent.
12. Property gained by divorcing partners prior to marriage, or its equivalent, devolves to original owner. Presumed 50/50 split of property gained after marriage.
13. Right to abortion on demand up to the 20th week of pregnancy.
14. Right to relinquish all parental rights and responsibilities up to the signing of birth certificate.
15. Right to a paternity test on demand at any point prior to the signing of birth certificate.
16. Prohibition of adding a parent’s name to a birth certificate without informed consent, except in cases of mental incompetence.
17. Right to be informed of the birth of biological children.
18. Felony charges for paternity fraud.
19. Recognition of parental alienation as a form of child abuse.

Original by u/Oncefa2 on Reddit. Still very relevant today:

This is something I noticed in a thread where men were asked what it meant to them to be a man.

There was only one response, which could probably be summed up as, "meh".

And I honestly think this is how a lot of men feel.

You are yourself first, but also you're a man, if you'll even admit to it.

Women on the other hand seem to be proud of their gender and actively celebrate their womanhood. You see this in popular media and on places liked Twitter. And it even shows up in psychological association tests. Women are associated with traits like "good" and "valuable" whereas men are associated with traits like "bad" and "worthless".

Men are never told that they can be proud of who they are. And many are made to apologize just for being alive. Instead of celebrating men, we attack and demonize them on a daily basis. And I think this difference in treatment and identity has an overall negative effect on their mental health.

Society thinks we are useless, and it is time for a change!

It seems that the community once concentrated at LWMA is now fractured. Some are here, some stayed and I suspect that some will follow thetinmen in his boycott.

I am not much of an activist myself. Growing up, I was quite lonely and occassionally bullied for not fitting in with the main group, and so I have operated under the assumption that I don't want that to happen again. Thus, I have largely kept thoughts of advocating for mens rights or not being a feminist to myself.

So this community has been a breath of fresh air to me, seeing that I am not alone in my thoughts and seeing people argue for helping men without devolving into conservative talking points.

So how do we assure this community is not lost and broken?

I remember this was linked on the LeftWingMaleAdvocates subreddit before it was privated. I do not know who made it, but it is an archive of all posts and comments submitted there. The association with the red pill is unfortunate, but this seems like the best way to read the old posts now.

Edit: Seems like the subreddit is back up. https://www.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/

progress!

Across the life span — from infancy to the teen years, midlife and old age — boys and men are more likely to die than girls and women.

A silent crisis in men’s health is shortening the life spans of fathers, husbands, brothers and sons.

For years, the conventional wisdom has been that a lack of sex-specific health research mainly hurts women and gender minorities. While those concerns are real, a closer look at longevity data tells a more complicated story.

Across the life span — from infancy to the teen years, midlife and old age — the risk of death at every age is higher for boys and men than for girls and women.

The result is a growing longevity gap between men and women. In the United States, life expectancy in 2021 was 79.1 years for women and 73.2 years for men. That 5.9-year difference is the largest gap in a quarter-century. (The data aren’t parsed to include differences among nonbinary and trans people.)

“Men are advantaged in every aspect of our society, yet we have worse health outcomes for most of the things that will kill you,” said Derek Griffith, director of Georgetown University’s Center for Men’s Health Equity in the Racial Justice Institute. “We tend not to prioritize men’s health, but it needs unique attention, and it has implications for the rest of the family. It means other members of the family, including women and children, also suffer.”

The longevity gap between men and women is a global phenomenon, although sex differences and data on the ages of greatest risk vary around the world and are influenced by cultural norms, record keeping and geopolitical factors such as war, climate change and poverty.

But data looking at health risks for boys and men in the United States paint a stark picture.

• Men are at a greater risk of dying from covid-19 than women, a gap that cannot be explained by rates of infection or preexisting conditions. The age-adjusted death rate for covid was 140 deaths per 100,000 for males and 87.7 per 100,000 for females.
• More men die of diabetes than women. The death rates for men are 31.2 per 100,000 people vs. 19.5 per 100,000 for women.
• The cancer mortality rate is higher among men — 189.5 per 100,000 — compared with 135.7 per 100,000 for women. Black men have the highest cancer death rate at 227.3 per 100,000. Among Black women, the cancer mortality rate is 149 per 100,000.
• Death rates for boys and teens ages 10 to 19 (44.5 per 100,000) far outpace that for girls (21.3 per 100,000). Even among infants, the mortality rate is higher for boys (5.87 per 1,000 live births) vs. girls (4.95 per 1,000).
• Men die by suicide nearly four times more often than women, based on 2020 data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The rate of suicide is highest in middle-aged White men, but teen boys also face a high risk.
• In 2020, 72 percent of all motor vehicle crash death victims were male. Men also accounted for 71 percent of pedestrian deaths, 87 percent of bicyclist deaths and 92 percent of motorcyclist deaths.

Advocates for more research into men’s health say the goal isn’t to steal resources from women, girls and gender minorities.

“Some people think health care is a zero sum gain and one dollar to men’s health is taking something away from women,” said Ronald Henry, president and co-founder of the Men’s Health Network, an advocacy group. “That’s wrong. We are fully supportive of women’s health efforts and improving quality of life for women.”

Derek Griffith is the director of Georgetown University’s Center for Men’s Health Equity in the Racial Justice Institute. He is also a health management and policy professor at Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center. (Lisa Helfert/Courtesy Derek Griffith)

But by viewing men as the privileged default, health experts are ignoring important sex differences that could illuminate health issues across gender and minority groups.

For instance, for years the widely held belief in medical circles was that women used too many health-care resources compared to men. As a result, men were viewed as the standard for seeking health care, while women were often dismissed as hysterical or “anxious” when they sought care.

“We used to think women were overutilizing health care, and men were doing it correctly,” Griffith said. “What we realized was that women were doing it better, mostly for preventive care, and men were actually underutilizing health care.”

Explaining the longevity gap

The reasons behind the longevity gap aren’t fully understood, but the global nature of the disparity suggests that biology probably plays a strong role.

For instance, high levels of testosterone, which can weaken the immune response, may be a factor in why men, and male mammals in general, are more vulnerable to parasitic infections. Estrogen may explain why women have lower rates of heart disease throughout life — and why the gap narrows after women reach menopause. (Even though estrogen appears to be protective in women, studies in the 1970s showed that when estrogen was given to men, instead of being protective, it caused double the rate of heart attacks as those in a placebo group.)

Cultural biases around masculinity that teach boys and men to hide their feelings and not complain also can influence men’s health.

“Depression in men is quite deceptive,” said Marianne J. Legato, a physician and founder of the Foundation for Gender-Specific Medicine in New York. “Men are socially programmed to not complain. Suicide is often unexpected as an early end to a man’s life compared to that of a woman.”

Cultural expectations to remain stoic can also delay men’s care. For instance, although diseases such as diabetes, heart disease and hypertension are common in men and women, men often wait longer to seek care and the illnesses are diagnosed at later stages, leading to more damage and poorer outcomes.

“It’s an interesting conundrum and in many ways it’s not well understood,” said cardiologist Steven Nissen, chief academic officer for the Cleveland Clinic. “Men need to pay close attention to cardiovascular risk factors. Treating risk factors early can mitigate a lot of the risk.”

Men also are known to engage in more risky behaviors, such as drug and alcohol use, smoking and reckless driving. While the reasons behind these trends aren’t fully understood, behavioral risks are also a reason men’s health doesn’t get studied, Griffith said.

“It’s hard to convince people that men’s health is an issue if we think it’s just because men don’t do what they’re supposed to do,” he said.

Fewer doctor visits

An oft-cited concern is that men are also less likely to visit the doctor. Although boys and girls visit the pediatrician at the same rate, the trend changes in adulthood and medical visits by men decline. CDC data show that the physician visit rate in 2018 among females was almost 40 percent higher — 3.08 visits per woman vs. 2.24 per man.

One reason is that women regularly visit the gynecologist in their reproductive years. “There is no similar pathway for men,” Nissen said.

But even when visits for pregnancy are excluded, research suggests that women still are twice as likely as men to schedule regular annual exams and use preventive services.

Doctors say that men are most likely to visit the doctor because of a sports injury or for the “Viagra” visit — when they seek treatment for erectile dysfunction. As a result, sports medicine physicians and urologists are encouraged to use those visits to check blood pressure, cholesterol and other indicators of overall health.

“Stamina and sexual health are two of the top things that men think about,” said Howard LeWine, an internal medicine physician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston and chief medical editor at Harvard Health Publishing. “When you’re 20, 30 and a man, you really don’t think about health. The idea of going to a doctor to prevent cancer or heart disease — I don’t think it’s in the mind of many men until something has happened to them.”

The irony is that men for years have been overrepresented in medical research, often at the expense of women, according to a seminal 1985 report that prompted more government investment in women’s health research.

“Men who were overrepresented in medical studies before are still underrepresented in terms of clinical care,” said Harvey Simon, an internal medicine physician and founder of Harvard Men’s Health Watch, a newsletter devoted to men’s health.

Lack of support

Men’s health advocates say one of the biggest factors is a lack of infrastructure to support research specifically focused on men’s health.

For years, the Men’s Health Network has lobbied for the creation of an Office of Men’s Health, similar to the Office of Women’s Health in Health and Human Services Department. Proposed legislation, however, has consistently failed to win support.

While some health systems claim to have departments focused on men’s health, the care is often focused on urologic and prostate health rather than cardiac care, mental health or other issues that afflict men at high rates.

The topic of men’s health simply hasn’t caught on as something that advocates, corporate sponsors and politicians want to get behind. While the pink ribbon has been elevated to iconic status to signal breast cancer awareness, nothing in men’s health has achieved the same level of attention.

“There is an empathy gap,” Henry said. “There are people who shrug and say, ‘Yes, men die younger. That’s the way the world is.’ It doesn’t need to be that way. If we devote attention and resources, we can change the outcomes for men.”

by Tara Parker-Pope and Caitlin Gilbert

Are there official organizations fighting for men's rights?
Debates on Internet are useful but I'd like to do something that has a real impact.

#men

I’d like to talk about bad words, if I may.

Since around the time I hit puberty I noticed that so many of the expletives in English (I’d love to hear from speakers of other languages on this) are based on sex. Sex is typically consider a desirable or positive thing, so why is our strongest swear word “fuck”? Why do we say something disagreeable “sucks”? A hang-over from sex negativity? Excrement-based curse words make sense to me, but there are far fewer of them than the sex and genital-based ones.

Some of these have received pushback recently. In the 90’s and 00’s it was common for kids to casually use “gay” as a synonym for “bad” and “pussy” for “coward”. Maybe it’s because I’m an adult now, but I just don’t hear this anymore. Even if people use these terms negatively they mean their literal referents. I think we came to a place culturally that recognizes this isn’t acceptable (what right-wing weirdos call “political correctness”).

Most female-specific terms are no longer acceptable. “Bitch” has been effectively reclaimed by third wave feminists. “Cunt” is unacceptable in the US and its days in other English-speaking countries may be numbered. “Twat” sounds downright old-fashioned. “Slut” shaming is sure to draw approbation. Disparaging terms for sex workers are all off the table. And that’s great! But then why is the very opposite thing happening for male-specific terms?

“Dick,” “jerk, and “wanker” have been used to describe unpleasant people for decades. Now “bellend” and “scrote” are joining their ranks. We have often used fellatio as a metaphor for something disagreeable (“suck”) but there isn’t a comparable word for cunnilingus. And although it’s unacceptable to criticize a woman for having a relatively active sex life, it’s become more and more common to see men insulted for their putative lack of sex. And it doesn’t even need to be literal. If someone calls someone else an “incel” or “virgin” online they obviously don’t actually know anything about their sex life.

Expletives are an important part of language. Sometimes we need these blunt instruments to properly express our anger. But let’s move away from all sex-negative, and demographic-based cusses.

"Gov. Ron DeSantis on Friday signed a measure that will overhaul the state's alimony laws, after three vetoes of similar bills and a decade of emotional clashes over the issue."

A true victory for the institution of marriage and the rights of men.

I had an interesting conversation with a feminist on Reddit. She replied to my post about why left-wingers support feminism. In the post, I said I don't believe in a patriarchy or toxic masculinity.

She cited examples of women being forced to marry young as a patriarchal issue. She cited women having to bear children in America without abortion rights as a patriarchal issue. She cited women being domestically abused as a patriarchal issue.

I told her women being forced to marry young was more prevalent in the past. Nowadays, forced marriages are illegal. The examples she cited don't indicate a patriarchy, because the average man (most men) don't have more power than the average women. For example, a man is more likely to be arrested for domestic violence even if he is the victim.

Feminists believe there is a patriarchy because they look at the men, in the top 1% or 5%. They assume all other men have very minimal issues in their lives. Most rich people will be treated better, regardless of gender.

When I disagreed with the feminist, she called me stupid and an "incel." I remained calm and told her I'm not an "incel." It seems like feminists want men to think in a gynocentric point of view. Anything that isn't gynocentric seems misogynistic to them. I don't think advocating for men's issues and women's issues is mutually exclusive.

This article is inspired by a Youtuber Caitlyn V who is a sex coach. I've watched some of her videos and I find them to be very informative, especially about sex. I'll link it here below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agscWsru7Gk&ab_channel=CaitlinV

She actually goes onto explain how not having sex for a long time can contribute to problems on mental health, emotional health, etc.

The second half of her video has the solutions to these problems and the last point is one I want to expand on. The first 2 solutions was to 1. Create feel good chemicals by exercising, eating healthy, leaning on trusted friends, etc and the 2. one is fuck yourself (not regular masturbation where you race to ejaculation, but slowly taking your time with it.). The third suggestion is where I take issue with and it's getting a sex worker.

Note I have nothing against sex work. I believe sex work is work and there's nothing wrong with getting it. My issue with this point is the way I believe society is set up to profit off of lonely and sexually frustrated men.

Paying for sex work is very expensive, like you have to be making the kind of money where the cost to even get these services are casual at best. Even if there are cheap option, I don't believe many men out there feel they should have to pay for experiences just to feel wanted.

Think about it this way. When you go outside to try to make friends, or to try and talk to a woman you find attractive, you notice how cold and distant people treat you in social places. In the first initial meeting, you're treated as a potential predator that has to prove himself to be a good person first, and even after you passed the test, you need to be mindful of not making her feel uncomfortable, and make having sex with them feel completely natural. It's also on you to make the sure interactions you lead the interactions in a way to keep her around, and basically really sell yourself. Couple that with the expectation society has for the man to be the pursuer, all of these things make a very daunting experience for men.

Men don't have a lot of options when it comes to dating and when they to have the opportunity, are expected to make sure it goes well. This setup creates a very convincing need for sex work, with a high demand of it coming from men because their basic needs aren't being met consistently.

I believe there needs to be a better solution rather than spending money on experiencing intimacy via sexual services. The most obvious way would be to stop demonizing men at a very ridiculous level, especially at the first meet, but most people on the left space don't like that idea cuz 'safety' and 'patriarchy' so obviously getting to a point where we don't do that is gonna take a long time, we need better short term solutions that doesn't cost money for that. Sexual services are fine when you get them here and there, not when it becomes a potentially long-term thing (I've known men who consistently get sex through prostitutes)

One of the solutions offered by Aba and Preach would be a solution I would offer in helping with this situation as well, mostly short-term.

https://youtu.be/P22ZpncT8B4?t=738

Now they're saying not to approach women and I don't think most women put men that approach them on blast that regular, but that's perfectly valid given the society we're living in. Me personally, I've done a lot of approaching and have been very experienced in it and I haven't been blasted on media, but this is because I gauge most situations I have going in. The process of learning it today is fucking hard so one slip up in an unlucky situation can turn your life upside down if you get blasted on social media.

Other solutions?

Read books and websites on people skills so you can work on talking to people. Don't get me wrong, we've all had natural experiences with talking to people, so I'm not implying you're all very socially inept that can't hold a conversation. I think a lot of the guys here actually have no problem with conversation, especially when talking to women. But maybe you don't have the kind of friends you do like having around, or maybe you don't have any afab friends or maybe you do, but again not the ideal person you want in your life. I'm mostly recommending this because if you want to have control over your own life and build better relationships, people skills are crucial. So the next time you're in a situation where you want to make friends with certain people or talk to a woman you find attractive, you know have the experience backed up to do it

Read books on dating material so you can make up for a lack of experience. However, this bit is very tricky as there's a lot of toxic dating advice out there. I got proper sources of healthy dating advice if you want my suggestion message me.

Next step is practicality. For social skills, go to a hobby-based group or club and put what you learned to the test. Preferably a new one, as if you're in an old group, they probably have a set image of you and depending on that, maybe harder to break out of. Finding a new social setting will give you a fresh start if this is the case. For practicing dating skills, I would highly recommend speed dating. Now don't expect to actually get dates from speed dating. In fact, as a man if you wanna find a date via speed dating, you're gonna be spending money for a long time. Instead, use them to practice your skills. Each date you have last up to 5 minutes so you have a very short timeframe to work with, but this is perfect as you get to work on initiating conversations and internalizing body language signals being sent out, and you'll be 'dating' multiple people in one setting so you have a lot of volume to work with for one night. This is to help improve your skills quickly, arming you with enough knowledge and experience to navigate life with a prepared lens.

Now the article is written from the perspective of someone that hasn't gone to any sexual services and don't really plan to. Has anyone gone to get sexual services? What was it like going there? Do you agree it to be a solution for guys problem with a lack of sex?

As egalitarians, we want all people to be treated with equal consideration. There should be no favorites. All people, be they men, women, or children, deserve the same human rights, and the same amount of support.

As it comes to gender, which is our focus here, there are still many problems to be addressed. But we call upon all, paraphrasing a famous actress: you're either an egalitarian, or you're a sexist.

What do you think?

I currently use fetlife as a way to connect with likeminded individuals. Sometimes they would make post about gender issues (usually female centered, and when it's male-centered it's usually about toxic male behaviour or how our problems are created by the 'patriarchy'.)

To the premise of the post is that the original poster thinks that men get angry at women because they're allowed to be sexy and feel desirable in ways that men aren't. Considering fetlife is a kink community, I didn't see any of that as I've seen men in dresses in that community. Though outside of it, I would think it's more of a case.

However, during that discussion, it seems the term "desirability" is discussed in a way that they mean compliment. When women interact with each other, they compliment each other such as "Omg you're soo sexy" "slay queen, you are gorgeous" "you have a nice fat ass" or anything of that variant, however most women understood these are just compliments and a way to make other women feel good, not always as an indicator that they wanna fuck. They don't accept this from men as they see it as an invitation to fuck (and I wouldn't blame the women here, our society has still conditioned men to their gender role and expectations of men to be the pursuer are still there.)

In terms of the term desirability being treated as a compliment, it's true men don't get that often as women do. As a man, I don't get compliments on how sexy or handsome I am. But I can count the rare times I do get them and even then, I personally saw it as nothing more than a compliment. I know that if I wanted to date a person, I would put in the effort to build that relationship and my potential partner would also put in that effort too if they want the same thing.

But there's a different kind of desirability I want to talk about. It's about the feeling of being wanted especially by women. We're taught that women send signals to show if she desires or wants someone or not, but many of these signals are very subtle. This is because men aren't brought up in that way and women expect us to just know these signals. Because of this, men sometimes do not feel desirable. What I mean here is men are expected to go up to the person, almost always be the first ones to express desire in a person and wanting to go out. I've very rarely had any woman seduce me, had any woman ask for my number, wanting to take me out. This is the desirability that men very much lack, and was a conversation not covered by that post.

Now women don't show these desires because of their safety. No, I'm not saying women don't express interest cuz of fear of being raped and murdered, that's ridiculous. What I am saying is that because society expects a lot from men and the abundance of PUA/TRP material out there, men are training themselves to pounce on every opportunity they get to experience intimacy but can come off as trying to getting some action and aggressive, leading to women closing themselves off and not wanting to 'tempt' a man into thinking she wants sex, so this understandably creates a double bind for both parties involved. So if she does express interest in him, there's a likelihood he'll latch onto that (tho you can tell me from your experience if this is true as that's just a theory in my head. I don't get approached by women like this a lot but maybe there's a guy out there that does.)

Because most women don't usually court guys and expect to be courted, guys feel like they have to give their efforts to make them feel good, but they themselves don't receive that same effort or even appreciation for trying. Anyways, lemme know what you guys think.

I don't know how else to describe it, but all my male friends and family are very unemotional. Not in the sense that they don't feel anything, but that they are a lot better at handling them and I feel like I'm not. I've tried meditation, therapy, healthy eating and a better sleep schedule but nothing works. I still anger and get upset at the smallest things and I feel like I'm less masculine than my friends. Im even known as the super emotional guy in the group and they often tease me about it, which makes things worse. My family constantly talk down to me as I don't work out much and am very thin and short while my younger bros are jacked and tall. I don't know what to do and really needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.

#men

so overtime i have been seeing the left after the convo's about men's place in society, and it has been dismal. There was this video of a trans man talking about the loneliness of men went viral on TikTok and A channel named Aba and Preach covered it from their perspective (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZF7k9nVNRw&t=1088s) but it brings up a point i want to touch on

Which is that we will only listen to men's issues when it is someone who politically agrees with the right things, (patriarchy, toxic masculinity, feminism) but if it was someone like Jordan Peterson, who has actually pulled young men from the brink of suicide, and has been someone who has been someone very critcal of feminists in the past, they do this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZxz7WrW2Yo) literally laughing at the man for crying about men's issues. Aba and preach also covered this actual video and the responses. heres that video too (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abQo5wWkMxs&t=532s)

Or when Dr Michael Reeves, made a video about male inequality, which is linked here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBG1Wgg32Ok&t=1s), when he want on the we are man enough podcast, a feminist podcast about men's issues, Liz Plank, A feminist, essentially wasn't actually concerned about the actual argument but rather the language of calling men not being represented in HEAL Jobs (Heath, education, admistration and language) as seen in this clip (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVo-sCPR5CA&t=44s)

But what i want to discuss about these two things is that on one end of the spectrum, a trans man rightfully talks about the void of lacking the connections that he had when was still a woman, and because he said men should take advice from women to become more emotionally vunerable. but when someone, Jordan Peterson has an emotional moment and cries at the plights of disaffaceted young men, The Left cant help but point and laugh at him.

Which is the point i want to make is that when it comes to all the talk about toxic masculinity and men being emotional, it seems to only be for a specific sect of the population, ie, Leftist or Liberal men who curtail the line of being serious about men"s issues but never focus on how society plays a hand in those issues, which includes women, or if they do focus on society, it is quick to blame men.

And even if a man is vunerable with their emotions, ie like Jordan Peterson, because he is a right winger, they just will make fun of him, which reinforces "toxic masculinity" and the gendered stereotypes and expectations that they claim to want to get rid off. And helps not only make Jordan Peterson a viable alternative to them. Or even if they agree with the inequality that men can face, they are often critical of the language or the imprecise nature of what they are saying.

And with the often times toxic and very hypocritical nature of their arguments, the mass generalizations, and painting of men as the bane of existance of women, queer folk, and minorities, dispite the fact that men with in these groups are vicimized much like them. Young men are just deciding to be done with the left, as they really offer no solution other than some false class conciousness as with these 2 videoes by a youtuber named That Dang dad

1 is a critique of a song by Dax, named to be a man (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN3-32AcQMQ&t=764s) which just to me, dismisses alot of what men go through and tells men to essentially build community with women, minorities and queer people, (which isnt a bad idea but ill get into why i think it and his other video are a kinda tacit dismissal of what men feel and also just a very bland way of what i like to call the "give a man a mission" play)

2 which is his attempt to answer the question, is the left failing men?, an answer with a resounding yes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVXZo1ld5Nc)

The second reason as to why i feel that young men are essentially not aligned with the left, and feminism which i highlighted earlier is called the "give the men a mission play", which is essentially, though used by both the right and the left, we are talking about the left which is like this.

"What you are mad at is late stage capitalism, which is fucking us all over so join with us and it will make life easier for not just you but everyone else" Or as it is most commonly used like in this tiktok, where the woman responds to a strawman of man who is frustrated with the current dating market, and feminism with the perils of living under "late stage capitalism"

(This is the tiktok in question https://www.tiktok.com/@elisse.01/video/7198671535073316142?lang=en)

but this is a broader sentiment on the left as stated, mostly in jokes, that if men could instead of "being mad at women" could focus on destroying capistalism and patrarchy, the world would be better, but that is built on 2 false premisies

1 that a communist or socialist revolution would better the lives of anyone, as in history, it truly hasnt and in fact has been more destructive to peoples lives.

2 the presumtion that men have any privilage that men have some one up over women. and have never been the victims of a society that they themselves built to benefit themselves, but has them suffering.

but the entire left does this with mens issues, which is why young men dont really find the left appealing, as the only solutions for men are to either mire in depression, join one side if the political isle that want to use you to enforce a fascist christian theocracy, or the one that will constantly tell you you are privilaged and must sit down shut up, and maybe die in a class war that probably wont liberate people at all, and might make life worse.

There’s a certain copypasta that gets posted in men’s issues spaces online. I think it might have originally been said by Karen Staughan. You may know the one I’m talking about. If you have it handy, please post it in the comments. I want to go ahead and reiterate it because it’s a very important point about online gender discussions. It bears repeating here as we start off on a new platform:

“I’m a real feminist. I support equality for men, too. Only fake feminists oppose recognizing abuse and laws against men.”

Have you ever posted a comment like this before? Well, I’m glad to know that you support men and boys. We need all the allies we can get. Too many people deny that we even face any gender-based disadvantages, or if we do it’s our all fault, anyway, so it’s on us to address them. It’s hard for guys to find sympathy from either side of the culture war, but especially from the progressive-leftist side. There’s just one problem.

What you say doesn’t matter.

I mean no disrespect, but you are an anonymous commenter on the internet. I have no reason to assume you have actually done anything to confront the anti-male policies or stereotypes that rule our lives. Unless you have “leveraged your privilege to call out” those who stand in the way of progress, your egalitarian ideals mean nothing to me.

First of all, I need you to understand who the “fake feminists” who oppose gender equality are. Quite simply, it’s all of the major feminist organizations. There’s a convenient list of those who proudly stood behind husband-beater Amber Heard: https://amberopenletter.com/ . Despite numerous recordings of Heard admitting to violence against Depp, they backed her. This isn’t the first time feminist organizations have stood behind violent women. Donna Hylton, who participated in the torture and murder of a man and spent 26 years in jail for it, has reinvented herself as a feminist activist and was even a featured speaker at the 2017 Women’s March in Washington, DC.

Not only do feminist organizations support female abusers, they have created and fight to maintain policies which exclude men and boys from being recognized as victims. Many countries and territories around the world legally define rape in such a way that men cannot be victims. When efforts to reform the laws to being gender-neutral started in India, feminists worked to shut them down (https://timesofindia.com/india/Activists-join-chorus-against-gender-neutral-rape-laws/articleshow/18840879.cms)

Aside from laws, feminists have also engineered the standard operating procedure of law enforcement to be biased against men. A framework for understanding interpersonal violence known as the “Duluth Model” was created by feminist Ellen Pence in the 1970’s. It assumes that men are more violent than women, based on stereotypes rather than scientific evidence. The Duluth Model informs the way police in many countries respond to domestic violence calls. This usually involves assuming that in a heterosexual relationship, the man is the aggressor, even in cases where he makes the call to the police to report violence against him.

This bias against men cuts across gender lines. Male feminists like Lundy Bancroft and Chuck Derry have made their careers on perpetuating the view that men are always the aggressors and women are always the victim. Bancroft even goes so far as to say that men who claim to be victims are actually doing it to hide their abuse, and that all men are potential abusers (https://www.acsh.org/news/2019/10/31/lundy-bancroft-anti-vaxxer-who-thinks-all-men-are-abusers-14370)

Feminists fighting to maintain legal inequality is bad enough, but they don’t stop there. Any time an advocate for men and boys makes a speech or starts a new organization, feminists are there to harass and undermine them. Erin Pizzey founded the first domestic violence refuge shelter in 1971. When she turned her attention to creating services for battered men, her feminist colleagues went so far to as threatening to bomb her house. Despite moving away from the UK she is still regularly harassed for her promotion of a gender neutral approach in her services and writings. The experiences of self-described feminist filmmaker Cassie Jaye had a similar experience. She directed an unbiased documentary about the men’s rights movement, and was subsequently shunned by the feminist movement.

Prominent feminist individuals and organizations have demonstrated time and again they oppose equal treatment for men. So that begs the question, who are the “fake feminists”? Does NOW, an organization which platforms abusers and opposes 50/50 child custody laws (https://floridapolitics.com/archives/206474-womens-rights-groups-host-statewide-media-conference-sb-668/), not count as real feminists? Is Hillary Clinton who once called women the primary victims of war, despite them not facing conscription anywhere in the world, not a real feminist? Are the various gender officers in universities around the world setting up kangaroo courts for accused men not real feminists?

It’s time for an uncomfortable realization. When it comes to equality, feminists’ actions speak louder than their words. If you still think the term “feminism” is worth reclaiming at this point, it’s up to you to stand up against the feminist institutions which have created and uphold the treatment of men and boys as second class citizens.

I want to share this anecdote to let guys who have faced abuse know that they are not alone, and those who haven’t to be careful online.

It was mid-2020. My company hadn’t shifted to work from home yet. One afternoon I was sitting in my office swiping on Badoo. It is one of the sketchier dating apps, but it was even harder to get a match than ever before so I was kind of desperate.

I matched with someone who’s photos were of a decently attractive woman. Pretty quickly they sent a video chat request, one of the distinctive features of that app. I was greeted by a completely black screen. This should have been a red flag, but I ignored my gut instinct.

We made some small talk but this person seemed a bit distracted. They started moaning and then I realized what was happening. This person was masturbating to the video feed of me talking to them. I had that freeze reaction you hear about in these situations. I knew what was happening, but my brain couldn’t quite grasp the reality of the situation or that it even could be happening.

After a minute or two I got it together, closed the chat, blocked and reported. But I didn’t get a chance to process what happened because my overly talkative boss chose that exact moment to walk into my office and chat about whatever was on his mind that day. It was so jarring for him to blab on like normal when I had something so bizarre happen to me. After he left I clocked out early and went home to put it all behind me.

I’ve never told anyone about this. Partly because it’s embarrassing, partly because I am sure that because I am a man people Will probably minimize it or even tell me I should feel lucky. I’m OK now, I had a lot worse happen during the pandemic. I just thought it would be good to share this experience.

#men

In Ivano-Frankivsk region, a decision was made according to which planned hospitalization of men aged 18 to 59 years will no longer be carried out without the permission of the military enlistment office.

This was announced by the head of the Kolomiya Regional Defense Council Lubomyr Glushkov in Facebook.

According to him, according to the decision of the regional defense council, local officials have been instructed to ensure that all military-age residents of the region who are not registered are directed to the territorial centers of recruitment and social support.

Glushkov also added that the Department of Health of Ivano-Frankivsk Regional State Administration has been instructed to prepare and inform medical institutions in the region about the decision on "temporary cessation of planned hospitalizations of patients liable for military service without the consent of the territorial manning center.

In addition, medical institutions will be obliged to inform territorial recruitment centers about unscheduled hospitalizations of military recruits.

(Translated with deepl)

I think there was some good back and forth on this panel on where the conservative and progressive viewpoints on male issues fall short and it was rare to see them both occupy the same space and interact. I'm really curious where the commenters in this space land in terms of who they agree or disagree with and why.

I just stepped down as moderator from all five of the subreddits I used to moderate over on Reddit. I just can't ethically justify continued activity on Reddit, and especially free volunteer labour for an openly greedy company that is engaged in scummy behaviour, forcing mods to open protesting communities or be demoted.

So my online activism for boys and men is now focused here and on Mastodon. And I am welcoming everyone coming over from Reddit, especially from LeftWingMaleAdvocates, the sub I put in the majority of my time and effort as a mod.

Let's build something good here, as we did previously on Reddit. It appears we have a wider reach here, so let's debate in good faith and with civil manners.

Here, in this magazine (i.e. community or subreddit in Kbin-speak) we wish to discuss and spread awareness of various issues that disproportionately affect males.

We believe men are not being well-served by either side of the mainstream political spectrum. We oppose the right wing's exploitation of men's issues as a wedge to recruit men to inegalitarian traditional values. But we also oppose feminist attempts to deny male issues, or shoehorn them into a biased ideology that blames "male privilege" and guilt-trips men.

We have no objection to the genuinely egalitarian aspects of feminism, but we will criticize feminist ideology wherever it is inegalitarian and/or untruthful, especially now that it holds institutional power. Too often feminism has promoted a one-sided "equality", dismantling male advantages while exploiting, reinforcing, preserving, and downplaying female advantages - particularly in cases involving alleged abuse.

In practice this means that most of us are politically homeless. The natural home for male advocacy should be the left wing, which professes to be explicitly egalitarian. But in modern practice, men's issues are habitually ignored, denied, or even opposed.

We seek to address male issues without falling into the traps of an impossible return to the past or a disastrous sexism. Men and women have equal value, and we need to work together for a better future.