Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system...which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,
It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.
Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
Yeah this. I don't automatically do things without thinking.
I like to make a cup of coffee each morning. It's a habit. I don't really spend time thinking about whether I'm going to do it first thing each morning because it's so deeply ingrained - of course I will want to do that tomorrow when I wake up. I've performed this ritual so many times that I do know all the steps (although I do occasionally fuck it up).
However, I'm not going through this process like an automaton free of thought - somewhere between the bed and the kitchen there's still a decision that I'm going to make a coffee. Some mornings I pee before coffee, some mornings it's after - there are decisions being made.
The thing is I've been making a cup of coffee reliably every morning for more than a decade and I still need to spend time thinking about whether I'm going to do it.
Exactly and there isn't a guarantee that you will always remember to do so, right? It is like the memory of these tasks that are part of average people's routines has to start over fresh every single fucking day, multiple times a day depending on the task or your mood or whatever else may distract you.
Yeah. Like the character in memento I suppose, albeit in a subtler way.
Yes but for "normal" non-ADHD people, usually the action in question becomes a routine that requires very little thinking energy. This isn't always the case with ADHD people. I have learned to adapt to certain things like brushing teeth, taking my allergy meds is a new one because allergy season in the south has gotten so bad, but the key factor, I think is that consistency is just about impossible. As someone up above posted, we will fall off a cliff and drop all of it, and who knows when we will pick it all back up again, because it is a constant mental strain. You don't have to think about walking and breathing, but sometimes ADHD people may as well have to when it comes to thinking about accomplishing things.