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lemmy.ml Tankies
(beehaw.org)
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Tbf I think the new design of join-lemmy.org makes it easier to choose an instance, but it doesn't show what instances are defederated and such (it probably shouldn't either?). I think that's okay and you just have to learn what instance fits well for you over time.
After all, a big point of the Fediverse is cheap switching costs between platforms. Don't expect the first place you try to be the last place you try and don't be afraid of moving and trying somewhere else :)